Brahmins have been a closely knit community.
There are other communities which are more closely knit than the Brahmins, say, the Nattukkottai Nagarathar Community.
As I am a Brahmin by birth, a proud one for being so,I deem it fit to record some unpleasant facts, especially  regarding marriages, in our Community.
Some of my observations are likely to hurt but some one has to say them.
I am aware that I will be criticized very severely, for no body is a biter critic of a Brahmin than a fellow Brahmin, much in the same way as the Jews,
I searched for an alliance for my son for over three and half years before I got him married.
I had utilized all avenues from the traditional circulation of Horoscopes to registering in Matrimonial Sites,
There is a tendency among most of the parents, whose daughter’s are employed, and more so if they have only one daughter:
That of postponing the marriage of their daughters as long as possible.
The reasons they cite are,,
The girl does not want to marry now,
She needs to be independent for some time, earning well to enable her to stand on her feet,
The arguments are fallacious.
No Girl or Boy will come to their parents and declare that they want to marry and ask them to look for a suitable spouse.
They would be coy in admitting the fact that it is time for them to get married.
I am excluding those children who come and declare that they are in love with some one(normally with one from another caste: even this I attribute to the fact of parents delaying the marriage on one pretext or another.
As parents it is our responsibility to advise them the advantages of getting married at an early age, the reasons being,
a ) If you are looking for the Best looking woman or Man, remember that the opposite side also does the same and each has the privilege of rejecting.
b) You do not get any younger and it would be tougher to get a match as time marches on.
And taking  children’s views of not wanting to get married has few serious consequences for parents as well.
I know of a couple of cases, where the parents have stopped looking for alliances because  their children said so.
These parents, they are my close friends,took their children’s views seriously and stopped looking for a match.
Now the boys are past 35.
They have stopped speaking with their parents thought they stay in the same house and are alright in all other respects.
As i can closely mingle with the younger set as a friend, this is with my own children as well, I understood from them that they are cross that their parents have not finalised their marriages!
They are sore that their parents have taken their views seriously!
Now I am looking for alliances for them along with their parents.
Lesson- go about alliances notwithstanding your children’s objections and record them.
If they refuse, show them the records , that would keep them on their toes.
Another repulsive habit of parents of brides insisting that thee Bride groom must be in the city were the girls’ parents live!
The girls might agree to it for the time being , would regret later when they find they remain unmarried for  long.
Children have their lives to led, be it a Boy or Girl.
Another obnoxious habit is that some parents are reluctant to get their daughters married because they will lose their daughter’s salary!
This is a fact and I have , in two instances told the parents of the Girls if they want only money they should not have begotten children!
I may point out a curious fact.
Please check Tamil matrimony marriage site, find out how many girls’ profile have been uploaded by the Girls themselves/their friends as against the profiles uploaded by Parents.
You will find personal/friends uploads will be in the age group of over 27.
The reason is parents keep on refusing Alliances on some spurious ground or another and at the age of 27 or 28 the girl starts taking her life into their hands.
Avoid this and remember delaying the marriage of a Girl is a very serious Sin , Kanya Paapam that would affect your family for generations, not with standing Sumangali Prarthnais.
Another issue is refusing sub sect marriages.
Sub-sects are based on Geographical locations where the ancestors have lived, like Mythili Brahmins hailed from Mithila, Vadamas in Tamil Nadu were from the North of the River Cauvery.
Some times Brahmin sub-sects are derived from the duties they were adept at. Adigas in Cooking, Vaathimaas in Purohitam,Vajpayees,Somayajees in performing a particular. yaga or yagnya
Among Brahmins there is no division of States or Languages either.
We follow the Vedas, period.No differences.
Let me narrate an incident when I visited Sringeri  and had performed Biksha Vandana for His Holiness Sri Bharathi Theertha Swamigal of The Sringeri Mutt.
As me and my wife neared the Acharya, the man who normally stands by his side asked me,
‘neevu kannadadhvara, Are you from Karnataka?’
I replied,
‘I am  Brahmin’
The Acharya heard this and asked  me to explain .
I said,
‘ I am a Brahmin by birth, not by Knowledge, but still a Brahmin for my ancestors have been good Brahmins .
My Mother tongue is Tamil,
As a Brahmin my father tongue is Sanskrit.
Therefore, it does not matter for a Brahmin which State he belongs to because He is a Brahmin”
The Acharya called the man and said,
‘Yajnayopaveeda aaki barubavarathra eethara kelu beda,
Do not these questions of those who come here with Yagnyopaveeda”(Sacred Thread)
That’s it.
Do not look for same sects, State, Language.
A Brahmin will do.
I observe that people conduct reception before the wedding day.
This is wrong.
If some one of the pair dies after Reception before marriage, what is the status of either of them?
The habit of clapping of hands after Mangalya Dharana, it is prohibited.
The habit of shaking hands with the couple after Mangalya Dharana  before Aseervatha is a Taboo.
In Hinduism . the ‘Handing Over’ Panigrahana is Sacred and the hands of the couple are not to be touched by others till Aseervatha.
Some more thoughts might follow.
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I can’t believe what I am reading. Every Brahmin boy or girl is expected to perform financially, career wise, education wise and investment wise as other normal people in the world except for choosing who they marry or why they marry. How does that make any sense? Let all Brahmin girls and boys date and marry for love and no other reason but love like the normal people in the rest of the world. Why should anyone else but the bride and groom be involved in this super personal decision with long lasting life impact. Craziness.
https://polldaddy.com/js/rating/rating.jsYes! Love must precede anything, leave alone marriage.
It is unworthy to live without connecting to love, acceptance and peace.
but real problem is with understanding of the term “Brahmin” Manusmriti says .”Janmana Jayate Shudra, Sanskarad Dwij Uchyate, Vedabhyasad Bhaved Vipre, Brahm Janati Brahmana”. Everyone is born shudra irrespective one’s father or mother being brahmin or not. Even though one is born to a temple priest or veda acharya it doesnt really matter he is still a shudra. Only through his knowledge acquiring skills and the work he does makes him a Brahmin… shudra does not mean inferior caste its the period where “People do what they like” so veda allows them to be so until certain age thats the child hood. Later in dwija you are given sacred thread from then on ” You are not supposed to do what you like instead you must do what is right or correct”…. understanding them comes in vipraha stage and then worldly knowledge is achieved and u become role model in brahmana …..So we must all stop ourselves being called as Brahmins instead we must try to become one and the world must call us brahmins….it doesn’t matter to which place or caste u r born into….before writing off something I request you all to have deep knowledge about the subject otherwise you could mislead people. Brahmins never proclaimed or wrote off anything about them. for eg. Vyasa, valmiki, Manu, vashista, Agastya, gautama they were all not born into brahmin families mostly they were in kshatriyas or others but they all became brahmins through gaining knowledge. On the other hand LORD KRISHNA was born into YADAV a backward caste. but DRONA was born in brahmin family but we all know he is renowned kshatriya. So there is hardly any one GOD who is born into the families of brahmin caste…..even Lord shiva is from tribal community….So leave all things aside..whoever you are, wherever you are, to whichever family you are born into leave a life as prescribed by VEDAS, follow the principles of Brahmanism as mentioned in vedas and not as said by people. Brahmanism and hinduism are way of life which will not only benefit you but entire mankind and the universe… while eating do less damage to environment.. eat vegetarian and avoid food that is grown beneath the soil as you may damage them too… avoid animal and animal products… drink soya milk instead of cow’s milk (this is harsh i know but still)
Pleas read my Post on Whos is Brahmin? Duties of A Brahmin and more posts under Hinduism.Brahmin is by Disposition only
Am very very sorry to let you know that my perception of looking at this article is that this is completely biased to its entirety!!!!!!!!!!!Try considering the groom and the brides family the same and marriages will start working like magic!!! Girls would never want to postpone the marriages then…..if the grooms family start seeing both the families as equals…!!!!!!!!!!!Some basic existing weeds have to be uprooted if arranged marriages need to work perfectly (in a way both the groom and the bride are happy for their life)..I dont mean to say that arranged marriages have not worked – it has always worked at the cost of the brides unhappiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I Let me also proudly tell you that I have had an arranged marriage and it has absolutely worked very happy for both of us just cos my husband who has better and broader views!!!!
Hello sir,
Well quoted! I second your opinion.Double standards are becoming our second nature.We leave practicality behind and lead a life of hypocrisy.
I am glad that I came across your blog today.Hope we reform soon!
Regds.