There are volumes and volumes written on relationships these days.
Many might think I am old fashioned, might be true, but we have taken to relationships naturally.
It was not deliberate.
We had, at least I have, two levels.
One is family, friends and those who are close, the last mentioned need not be relatives, in fact it is not..
The others are, well, just others.
With the first category, I do not think before I interact and express myself spontaneously without thinking or second guessing what the reaction or reply would be.
No doubt, this leads to arguments especially in the family.
But I do not carry it forward for the next second and I resume my talk after a heated exchange normally.
In my opinion, you let your hair down and be natural with whom you love.
There is no necessity of being deliberate or planning while interacting with them.
That is what family is all about.
Over thinking about relationships and communication skills, in my opinion, stunts the warmth of the relationship, though the words might be not too soft.
The deliberation involved in communication between family members and close friends spoils the Bond and people become strangers.
In my view that is not relationship.
We are natural and outspoken with whom we love and the love is felt, not known.
That’s it.
Yet how far relationship can go?
When you die,
Relatives upto to your Home,
Your wife is upto to the end of the street where you live,
(Indian custom),
Your son(who is expected to perform your last Rites), is upto the Crematorium, Grave.
But the effects, results of your actions, Karma will be with you far beyond.
This was beautifully expressed in a Tamil film song penned by the great poet Kannadasan.
‘வீடு வரை உறவு,
வீதி வரை மனைவி,
காடு வரை பிள்ளை,
கடைசி வரை யாரோ,
I have provided the meaning, after the line
‘ when you die’
in the beginning of this article.
Kannadasan ends the line as ‘who shall be till the Last’
This thought is from Pattinathar a Yogi from Tamil Nadu who composed quite a few of the most profound Poems on Life, Shiva and Bhakti.
I am providing the lunes from Pattinathar below.
Pattinathar concludes as Results of actions, benevolent and not benevolent, Paap and Punya shall follow you till the last.
அந்தமும் வாழ்வும் அகத்து மட்டேவிழி அம்பொழுக மெத்திய மாதரும் வீதி மட்டே
விம்மி விம்மி இரு கை தலை மேல் வைத்து அழும் மைந்தரும் சுடுகாடு மட்டே
பற்றித் தொடரும் இரு வினை புண்ணியம் பாவமுமே.
andhamum vAzhvum agathu matte
They look strange, superstitious and totally irrational.
So are some problems in Life.
For instance, Children, especially below the age of Four,when they can not articulate things.
The child would be Healthy in all respects.
But it would refuse to eat food.
You may try anything to make the child eat, but it would still refuse.
You consult a Doctor.
He tells you that he child is alright and it would take food on its own.
Some go even further and tell you to feed the child if it cries and, any way as an organism the child would seek food when it needs it!
The problem is that as a parent or a Grandparent you just can not await the child to demand foo or let it cry incessantly.
There are some practices to rectify this problem and these worked for my children and work for my grand children.
When you attempt to feed the child, some food would remain.
Take this and place it on the road where a Dog can eat.
Do not feed the child in front of others or in Public.
If you have to feed in a Milk Bottle, keep the Milk Bottle covered, ready-made covers are available .
To prevent the child waking up in the middle of the night crying, keep a New Broomstick underneath your cot.
Some times you may find the children crying for no reason, despite being fit.
In these circumstances, take two red chilliness,little Crystal Salt in your right Palm close your palms, let the child face The East , keep your close Palm in the other , rotate clockwise , anti clock wise, up and down( each thrice) in front of the child’s Face and leave the chilies and Salt on the road.
There is also this practice of throwing this mixture in Coal Embers at Home or in the Flames of a kerosene stove instead of throwing the mixture on the road.
Normally this mixture dropped in Fire or Embers should make you choke.
Some time it would not.
That, my mother used to say, that evil eye has been cast and been removed.
Another practice is to have the person or the child spit on this mixture after rotating and throwing ti away,Brahmin households do not follow this.
As soon as the child completes its first birthday the practice among Brahmins in Tamil Nadu is to tie a small piece of Acorus calamusor Vasambu in the hip around the waist of the child in a Black thread(Araignyan)
This, it is believed to prevent diseases and ward off evil-eye.
Yet another practice is place Camphor in a small plate, light, show it in front the child facing East or North, rotate this clockwise , anticlockwise ,up and down in front of the Face thrice and keeping it in front of the house, closing the door after placing the Aarti plate out.
I do this for my Grand children every day.
There is also the practice of applying a black dot on the Cheek of the child.
I have seen Rationality does not work always with children but these do, especially when it concerns their Health
Ammi Midithal Ammi Midithal The groom touches the feet of the bride and lifts her right foot gently and places it on the Ammi(grinding stone). This signifies her hope that their union may be as firm and steadfast as the grinding stone.
Women , not all of them but the self-styled feminists, would like one to believe that they are being discriminated by Men,want Equal Rights with Men.
They also say that they are not weak , can do what a Man could do.
In the same breath they expect Men to be chivalrous and give, as a courtesy(!?), to give priority to women in Public, say like allowing them the first right of passage,special seats for them in Trains buses, special timing and excuses for leave in the work place.
To me if you want to be equal to Men , you should expect to be treated like men.
The Cabinet has given the nod for the following proposals.
“A wife will have a share in her husband’s inherited or inheritable marital property on divorce, though the exact quantum of the compensation has been left to the discretion of the judge, according to a legislation that was cleared by the Union Cabinet on Wednesday.
The Cabinet also cleared the proposal that in cases where divorce has been sought on mutual consent of both parties the judiciary has been given the discretion to grant divorce to one party after a period of three years, even if the man and the wife are no longer on the same page. These were part of the recommendations of the GoM on Marriage Laws Amendment Bill which will now be amended suitably before being brought to Parliament during the monsoon session, beginning August 5.
By not quantifying the amount of compensation the government has moderated its earlier proposal to give a wife “equal” share in marital property. The ministers felt that a judge could decide on the quantum of compensation after taking into account an entire set of considerations such as the disposable income of both husband and wife, conditions like who will bear the primary responsibility of raising the children and claimants on the “inheritable property.”
If you do not want to live with a Man, why do you want his property?
Relationship is about understanding and compromising one with the other.
If you want to end it, it should be with lock, stock and barrel, not what is convenient,.
While cases about Men walking out of relationships, Marriages, is widely reported, women indulging in this, never gets reported for the man considers that it is an insult to divulge it and Dog bites Man is not News.
I know a case, where a woman deliberately pretended to love a Boy , got married, drugged him with the help of her mother for three years and tried to get his property worth one crore and finally settled for 30 lakhs!..
If in a relationship, if either wants any thing more than the Relationship, other than Love, Care and Affection, in my dictionary it is, sorry for using this, Prostitution.
(Desertion , if proved, is a different matter and has to be strictly dealt with by Punishment and Compensation, this applies to both sex).
The other proposal of granting divorce after three years, even if one party is not willing or has a change of mind, Divorce is to be granted.
Then why do you have family Courts for Divorces, simply follow ‘Talaq,talaq, talaq’ and be done with it.
However I am not against Divorces if either the husband or wife is unfaithful , neglectful of the other and embark on cruelty.
This point is common to bth sex.
There is a mistaken impression that there is no cruelty being practiced by Women.
It is erroneous.
It exists more than one thinks.
Men do not admit it.
One of my friend used say that many Men in India go through married Life, because they feel it is their duty to go through it,let me suffer silently.
In India if men were to go for Divorce for reasons like cruelty by wives,well, about 80% of Marriages would have broken long ago.
I expect comments like Male Chauvinist Pig‘ ‘Sucking Pig, a Muslim(!?), who brings dishonor to Islam!
These comments are real and were approved and published in my site.
* I am not a Divorcee, am happily married with Grand children..
To me family is the most important institution one has to respect and men have the responsibility of taking car of it, including wife.
Marriage is not a walkers Association to walk away when you feel like it.
Wife has to be respected, listened when it is worth not otherwise, to me no compromises just to please, what is in the best interests of the family, will be done.
There is a Sanskrit slaoka which says,
‘Listen to women and children int the Family, take decisions in the interest of the family’
‘Do not discuss economic difficulties with Children, Wife and Gussets, they can not understand, you carry the burden”
I find this to be practical.
The issue of accepting money from your wife,.
You take Financial assistance from your wife for the family.
You had it, you would be reminded and insulted to the end of your Life.
We know more of world History than our own Family history.
India, Hindus are expected to remember at least the names of people of Even generations and do a Ritual (Tharpana,offering Water and sesame seeds at least once a month to three generations, both paternal and maternal)
Those among Brahmins, who do the ‘Abhivaadanam'( of offering respects to elders) would know the progenitor of their Clan, normally three in number.
They are Rishis, seers, who are the foremost of their Clan.
But now people can not even remember or know their Great-grand father’s Name.In
In the West Data Bank is available, to know one’s family History.
I am providing Links.
The Dalton Data Bank is brought to you by the Dalton Genealogical Society (DGS) and volunteers who have spent countless hours extracting Dalton data from a variety of sources. The Bank includes data about Daltons who were in Argentina, Australia, Canada, England, New Zealand, Northern Ireland, the Republic of Ireland, Scotland, the United States, Wales, the West Indies, and Zimbabwe — Truly an “A to Z” Dalton reference site!
The Bank opened on September 1, 2001 with about 10,000 bits of Dalton data. Today, we host more than 500 pages which contain in excess of 430,000 entries. They include Dalton namesakes, their wives, children, in-laws, sponsors, witnesses and female Daltons. As well, variants of the name Dalton (i.e., Daulton, Dolton, D’Alton) are also partially indexed.
Please contact the Webmasterif you have questions or if you wish to submit additional data. As with all data, it is the onus of the user to verify it.
Find online databases and records for researching ancestors in British India, the territories of India under the tenancy or sovereignty of the East India Company or British Crown between 1612 and 1947. Among these were the provinces of Bengal, Bombay, Burma, Madras, Punjab, Assam and United Provinces, encompassing portions of present-day India, Bangladesh and Pakistan..
“My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about three years ago. After an extended stay at the hospital and stints in two different rest homes, my mom brought him home to care for him herself. She did this despite warnings that it would be too much for her to handle—even with regular assistance—because the conditions in the homes were too depressing to bear. There is an unseen routine in the lives of most home caregivers that makes Michael Haneke’s Amour look like Sesame Street. I wanted to find out what the day-to-day life of someone tasked with keeping another adult alive is like, so I talked to my mom about it.
VICE: How does your average day begin? BB: Usually I wake up before LD and get dressed, and I try to get the coffee made and the cereal stuff out. But if he wakes up first, I just get him cleaned and dressed and then do the other stuff.
What time does he get up?
He’s gotten so he goes to bed between 8 and 9 PM and sometimes sleeps until noon. One day I was so tired and exhausted that I didn’t hear him and he got up and went into the den at seven in the morning. He ended up somehow falling, and I found him on the floor tangled up in the chair. But usually I wake up before him and get dressed real quick, because if I don’t he watches me do every single thing, and it drives me crazy.
Why does he watch you?
Because he doesn’t have anything else to do. He just stares. And he wants to see what food I’m making.
I know he usually wets the bed at night, even through the disposable underwear. Do you change the sheets after you wake him up?
I take the sheets and the pajamas and the shirt and socks and just wrap them up in that plastic liner that keeps the mattress pad dry. Sometimes if he wakes up before I do he’ll have already taken his underpants off. I get him to the bathroom and have him sit on the toilet so I can get his wet clothes off and wipe him off with Handi Wipes.
You have him sit on the toilet to get dressed and undressed?
Yeah, because he might go. And if he’s not bad, I can use those Handi Wipes and wipe him off and put powder on his back and in his underwear so that it will be dry. But, like, today he was soaked and had taken his own stuff off and didn’t want to get in the shower. He doesn’t like me to bother his pants, and when I mess with them, that’s when he grabs my wrists. I figured out that I can reach behind him and underneath and pull the pants down that way. He’s still grabbing, but once I get them down, he’ll sit on the toilet. It’s tricky. Once he’s got a hold of my wrist I’ll threaten him. I say, “You’re going to have this hand in your face if you don’t let go of my hand.” [laughs] He knows I’m not going to do it, but… I get really angry because I’m helping him. I try to explain to him, “I’m trying to help you, and you are hurting me.” And he’s strong. Sometimes my wrists are red afterward.
He doesn’t realize you’re helping him.
He wants to do things himself. He always has.
Then when you finish with the clothes…
Once I get him in the shower, I pour shampoo on his head. Baby shampoo, so he won’t tear up. I used to give him soap and he’d use it, but now he doesn’t, so I put on these gloves and put the soap on my hands and just reach in the shower. Of course I get soaking wet—my jeans and everything, but I soap him up and down and wash his head. He doesn’t like that at all.
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