Category Archives: relationships

Marriage Is For You


True.

But you do not divest your interest in raising your Family.

You too are interested in a Relationship for you expect it to bring you happiness

You do things because you expect them to bring you happiness or at least that which does not bring you grief.

It is human Nature to be happy and seek happiness through gratification.

This may be physical ,emotional,mental,spiritual or all these combined.

Though sounds cynical it is a fact there is no such Love as an Altruistic one.

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Husband Wife Can Not be Your Best Friend


I came across an article on this and noticed this discussion some forums.

It is often assumed that you can share everything with your friend without any reservation.

Fact is that the one whom you can share without reservations is your best friend and not the other way.

When you share something with some one you should not be apprehensive about the fall out or the consequences of divulging such information.

One has to be wary of the fact that it might their attitude and behavior towards you.

The one whom you share might have their own agenda.

This is likely to complicate relations with them further because you are not sure whether their advice or opinions are colored and biased in their favor.

In general it is no practical to share everything with relatives, wife/husband included for the reasons mentioned above.

In the case of a friend it is different for they have no axe to grind nor are they interested in using your information or in some cases,You!

It is often thought one is expected to share everything with those whom they Love.

Incorrect.

Unselfish, Altruistic Love is Utopian, not practical.

In any relationship there is always an element of expectation.

Moreover one loves some one for certain qualities and not for all the qualities one possesses.

Therefore their perceptions need not concur with others and they never will.

So the question of sharing is fraught with complication with relatives.

But as I said earlier it is not so with friends.

The problem is that such friends are rare to come by.

I am fortunate to have such a friend(read my post on Friendship)

Coming to the issue of sharing with Spouse,it is very dicey and often leads to complications.

This dos not mean you do not love.

The conception that Love is complete only when you share, in my opinion is childish.

Love is about caring, that’s all.

This requires a more healthy and mature Attitude than sharing.

Yet the question of sharing between Man and Woman always, though unspoken, has sexual implications.

Platonic Love is for Plato_Did he have a happy married Life?

Some references and discussions.

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Divorced Women To get Husband’s Inherited Property


Women , not all of them but the self styled feminists, would like one to believe that they are being discriminated by Men,want Equal Rights with Men.

They also say that they are not weak , can do what a Man could do.

In the same breath they expect Men to be chivalrous and give, as a courtesy(!?), to give priority to women in Public, say like allowing them the first right of passage,special seats for them in Trains buses, special timing and excuses for leave in the work place.

To me if you want to be equal to Men , you should expect to be treated like men.

To garner votes, the Government of India has gone overboard.

The Cabinet has given the nod for the following proposals.

“A wife will have a share in her husband’s inherited or inheritable marital property on divorce, though the exact quantum of the compensation has been left to the discretion of the judge, according to a legislation that was cleared by the Union Cabinet on Wednesday.

The Cabinet also cleared the proposal that in cases where divorce has been sought on mutual consent of both parties the judiciary has been given the discretion to grant divorce to one party after a period of three years, even if the man and the wife are no longer on the same page. These were part of the recommendations of the GoM on Marriage Laws Amendment Bill which will now be amended suitably before being brought to Parliament during the monsoon session, beginning August 5.

By not quantifying the amount of compensation the government has moderated its earlier proposal to give a wife “equal” share in marital property. The ministers felt that a judge could decide on the quantum of compensation after taking into account an entire set of considerations such as the disposable income of both husband and wife, conditions like who will bear the primary responsibility of raising the children and claimants on the “inheritable property.”

If you do not want to live with a Man, why do you want his property?

Are men returned the favor?

How many divorced women pay Alimony to their ex Husbands?

Relationship is about understanding and compromising one with the other.

If you want to end it, it should be with lock, stock and barrel, not what is convenient,.

While cases about Men walking out of relationships, Marriages, is widely reported, women indulging in this, never gets reported for the man considers that it is an insult to divulge it and Dog bites Man is not News.

I know a case, where a woman deliberately pretended to love a Boy , got married, drugged him with the help of her mother for three years and tried to get his property worth one crore and finally settled for 30 lakhs!..

If in a relationship, if either wants any thing more than the Relationship, other than Love, Care and Affection, in my dictionary it is, sorry for using this, Prostitution.

(Desertion , if proved, is a different matter and has to be strictly dealt with by Punishment and Compensation, this applies to both sex).

The other proposal of granting divorce after three years, even if one party is not willing or has a change of mind, Divorce is to be granted.

So the aim is to see that the Institution of marriage is broken, no compromise.

Then why do you have family Courts for Divorces, simply follow ‘Talaq,talaq, talaq’ and be done with it.

However I am not against Divorces if either the husband or wife is unfaithful , neglectful of the other and embark on cruelty.

This point is common to bth sex.

There is a mistaken impression that there is no cruelty being practiced by Women.

It is erroneous.

It exists more than one thinks.

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Time For Brahmins To Change At Least in Marriages


Brahmins have been a closely knit community.

There are other communities which are more closely knit than the Brahmins, say, the Nattukkottai Nagarathar Community.

As I am a Brahmin by birth, a proud one for being so,I deem it fit to record some unpleasant facts, especially regarding marriages, in our Community.

Some of my observations are likely to hurt but some one has to say them.

I am aware that I will be criticized very severely, for no body is a biter critic of a Brahmin than a fellow Brahmin, much in the same way as the Jews,

Marriages,

I searched for an alliance for my son for over three and half years before I got him married.

I had utilized all avenues from the traditional circulation of Horoscopes to registering in Matrimonial Sites,

There is a tendency among most of the parents, whose daughter’s are employed, and more so if they have only one daughter:

That of postponing the marriage of their daughters as long as possible.

The reasons they cite are,,

The girl does not want to marry now,

She needs to be independent for some time, earning well to enable her to stand on her feet,

The arguments are fallacious.

No Girl or Boy will come to their parents and declare that they want to marry and ask them to look for a suitable spouse.

They would be coy in admitting the fact that it is time for them to get married.

I am excluding those children who come and declare that they are in love with some one(normally with one from another caste: even this I attribute to the fact of parents delaying the marriage on one pretext or another.

As parents it is our responsibility to advise them the advantages of getting married at an early age, the reasons being,

a ‘If you are looking for the Best looking woman or Man, remember that the opposite side also does the same and each has the privilege of rejecting.

b) You do not get any younger and it would be tougher to get a match as time marches on.

And taking children’s views of not wanting to get married has few serious consequences for parents as well.

I know of a couple of cases, where the parents have stopped looking for alliances because the ir children said so.

These parents, they are my close friends,took their children’s views seriously and stopped looking for a match.

Now the boys are past 35.

They have stopped speaking with their parents thought hey stay in the same house and are alright in all other respects.

As i can closely mingle with the younger set as a friend, this is with my own children as well, I understood from them that they are cross that their parents have not finalised their marriages!

They are sore that their parents have taken their views seriously!

Now I am looking for alliances for them along with their parents.

Lesson go about alliances notwithstanding your children’s objections and record them.

If they refuse, show them the records , that would keep them on their toes.

Another repulsive habit of parents of brides insisting that thee Bride groom must be in the city were the girls” parents live!

The girls might agree to it for the time being , would regret later when they find they remain unmarried for long.

Children have their lives to led, be it a Boy or Girl.

Another obnoxious habit is that some parents are reluctant to get their daughters married because they will lose their daughter’s salary!

This is a fact and I have , in two instances told the parents of the Girls if they want only money they should not begotten children!

I may point out a curious fact.

Please check Tamil matrimony marriage site, find out how many girls’ profile have been uploaded by the Girls themselves/their friends as against the profiles uploaded by Parents.

You will find persona/friends uploads will be in the age group of over 27.

The reason is parents keep on refusing Alliances on some spurious ground or another and at the age of 27 or 28 the girl starts taking her life into ther hands.

Avoid this and remember delaying the marriage of a Girl is a very serious Sin , Kanya Paapam that would affect your family for generations, not with standing Sumangali Prarthnais.

Another issue is refusing sub sect marriages.

Sub-sects are based on Geographical locations where the ancestors have lived, like Mythili Brahmins hailed from Mithila, Vadamas in Tamil Nadu were from the North of the River Cauvery

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