Ramanisblog

Category: relationships

  • Love Is……..?

    I had been on a tour to some Temples for the last five Days.

    I have been lucky to cover 20 Temples and not one of them is less than 1000 years old.

    I was using only Public Transport.

    I normally engage in conversations with strangers ans enjoy Life as it goes by.

    Three instances, I thought were worth sharing.

    I will be sharing two of them and another one by a separate post as it is a very interesting one, to me at least.

    I was traveling by train from Mayiladuthurai, Tamil Nadu to Tiruchirapalli.

    I was engaged in conversation with a young man of about 35 and he shared some of his problems .

    The name is not being mentioned here and the issue is common to all.

    He is a builder of some repute and is in Kumbakonam.

    His wife is in Tiruchi and his parents are in Thiruvanaikkaval, near Tiruchi.

    He has been married for  eight years and has a child of three years.

    His wife has gone to live with her parents in Tiruchi and he is staying is Kumbakonam,about two hours drive.

    His wife and himself were living in Sri Thiruvanaikaval with his parents till about a year back.

    His wife wanted to have a house for themselves and suggested Kumbakonam.

    So the man built a House in Kumbakonam.

    After moving in  there, his wife refused to stay there any more because, his two sisters were living there and they used to come to his house at least twice a month.

    His wife did not like this nor she did like his visiting his sisters.

    She wanted to dispose of the house at Kumbakonam and wanted to settle at Tiruchi where her parents are living by building a new house.

    She was not prepared to go Thiruvanaikaval where her in-laws lived, even if it were to be separate House.

    The man is unable to sell the house at Kumbakonam and is frustrated with his wife and Life in general.

    His parents have told him to take any decision which suits him.

    He sought my advice and it is not relevant to what I am posting here.

    Couple of days later, I was traveling from Viralimalai,I Tiruchi by bus.

    A young man of about 30, who was sitting next to me, was talking on his Cell phone.

    He was saying( his younger sister I presumed by his talk).,

    ‘Don’t’ worry, Elder brother, (himself) is leaving for  work…

    I have to catch the eight o’clock k train….

    No, you don’t come….

    I have told everyone to take care of you..

    But you also be careful,

    While going out eat properly, don’t stay awake late at night,

    If you have to go out go out with friends, never alone…

    I will be there for the Temple festival in a month’s time…

    I will call you from the Station…

    Whenever you need anything, call me.’

    Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he was speaking.

    Both the instances relate to Relations, Relationship.

    Which one can I call Love?

    P.S. He is unmarried.

    Related articles

  • 21 Century Women Changed,Yet The same

    I read an interesting article in The   Telegraph ” How to be a Lady in the 21 Century‘.

    It had a Professional teaching manners explaining the writer on the above subject.

    Manners,
    Manners,

    It conveyed the point that women of the day are not  being polite as they were before.

    They swear too much.

    They wear skimpy Dresses.

    Women are bitchy at their work place.

    Let’s see how women have changed in India in the last 20 years,in my experience.

    The first thing that comes to my mind is that they call their Husbands by Name and use Singular in Public which was unthinkable.

    I think some of the women of the Day are also uncomfortable, as my daughter confirmed.

    This becomes an embarrassment when their small child addresses both byName and Singular!

    I have seen them squirm.

    Dressing the less they wear, the more ogling eyes, but it leaves the essential of Sex, Mystery!

    As a wag remarked ‘a completely Nude woman is an ungainly sight!’

    The absence of Coyness and courtship in Love.

    I am not too sure how many women know the meaning of the term ‘coy”

    The word is nearly dead.

    Approaching girl, following her)not stalking) imaging one’s life with her was thrilling and a pleasure.

    Now see, take out and ….?

    Yet they remain the same.

    Usual nagging, not allowing Husband’s relatives as freely as they would theirs,

    Comparing  their Status with all and sundry including their sisters( brothers are not in this list) and  being jealous.

    Possessive about their children and Husband.

    Taking care of them.

    Eternally dissatisfied with their Husband’s their Status.

    Accumulation of junk at Home.

    On Sexual behavior . I think that it remains the same as it was.

    The only difference is that the News is spreads quicker and you have no place to hide!

    Story:

    “Being a lady today is about the same principles it always was – there are just different expectations,” Hanson explains with a smile. “It’s all about elegance and confidence and the behaviour doesn’t need to be something straight out of a Jane Austen novel.”

    In a nutshell – being a lady to Hanson is about treating people with respect, having self respect (so not being drunk and disorderly) and having your own personality – but not being abrupt with people (as he so often thinks people are today). And all of these traits are to be taken into the workplace, instead of the home – which is where the majority of women spend the bulk of their time…..

    he thinks that the demise of manners and society’s treatment of each other, has affected men and women equally. Hanson doesn’t long for the days when women were chained to the kitchen sink. He longs for everyone to remember the importance of social grace.

    “Manners are all about putting other people at ease and thinking about others,” he says simply. “We have become increasingly selfish as a society.” And it is this vision I can buy into – as I find myself sitting up a little straighter as we talk…

    What do women do today that they shouldn’t?

    But seriously, what does Hanson think is specifically ‘unladylike’ about modern women’s behaviour today?

    “I think women are swearing too much. I think they are drinking too much and I see them regularly falling into gutters on nights out. It’s fine to drink, but not to the point where you can’t control yourself,” he explains. And it is at this point I start to bristle a little.

    “I also think women are sharing too much today. I was sat on the train the other day and a woman got on board and began talking very loudly about her private life on her phone. The whole carriage learned everything about her existence.”

    He then also shares with me the rules around skirt length. Apparently a lady should never really wear any garment which is comes up higher than the knee. On the knee is fine and so is slightly above – but you must be wearing tights, preferably dark ones…

    Hanson assures me the rules of engagement and society that he teaches cross to the place of work – but I am not too convinced on this on. I believe women in the workplace are all too often accused of being hard, or aggressive when trying to get across their points in difficult scenarios – an insult not directed at men – when making similar points in similar tones.

    I am assured that the documentary host, Rachel Johnson, shares this concern. How can ‘one’ be a lady and a hard-ass at work – the two don’t seem to mix.

    Hanson advises women to always keep their cool and keep their voices controlled in all scenarios. This will always reap the best outcome. But what about passion I counter? What about those moments when you need to row, both at home and in the workplace? Can you still be considered a ‘lady’ if and when you need to fight?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9952908/How-to-be-a-lady-in-the-21st-century.html

    Some books may give you an idea.

    Multicultural Manners ,Essential Etiquette for the 21 st Century by Roger Axtell.

    21st Century Etiquette Guide by Charlotte Ford, Jacqueline DeMontravel.

    One might get these Books at a good price, through flipkart,Amazon, Bestdeal,.

    Follow the Link below.

    http://www.cuponation.in/books-movies-music-coupons

     

  • Safety Cleanliness Freedom Women’s Day Survey. What?

    Times of India , in collaboration with IMRB had conducted  Survey on Women on the occasion of the Women’s Day and had published the results with its comments.

    This survey is reported to have been done in Six Cities of India.

    Let’s assume the Survey is scientific ,which I doubt ,because of the sample size area and interpretation.

    1.64% of Women feel Unsafe in the City.

    2.60 % of Women step out side with company.

    When one looks at the figures, it is evident one feels safe if they go out with company

    .Only 4% are do not seem to subscribe to this view.

    (One never knows whether both the responses are from the same person).

    So if you feel safe with company why not opt for it  in the interest of your safety.

    Complaint about Public Places.

    45% say Toilets must be clean.

    This applies to men as well.

    Cleanliness is not Gender Specific unless if people are not clean.

    Struggle For Independence.

    Home Makers and Unemployed  29% want Independence.

    Under sub clause in the same finding, 42% work for Financial Independence: 12% for Money

    So it is all a question of being not committed for the family- “I would like to be independent of every one’-

    Translate into common parlance ‘I am not sure of the relationship  and I want to be independent’

    If the spouse also thinks the same way, then Marriage  and Family go out of the window.

    Who takes the decision  on Big Investments?

    39% say Husband.

    Wait till you hear this data under the heading.

    Who decides on Savings?

    Woman decide.

    40%

    Who decides on method of  Contraception?

    Women 21%

    You decide on savings, contraception and yet say Husband decides on Big Investments.

    It is like a man saying ‘I take all major decisions like obeying wife  while she does all unimportant things like finance; raising kids!

    Either the Survey is skewed, or did not ask the relevant questions ….

    Or Women being Women?

    What is Women’s Day ,r Mother’s Day, father’s Day?

    As if they no longer remain one on the other days!

    Times of India and IMRB Survey Report.

    Women's Freedom.
    Women’s Freedom.

    Bangalore is safe, but not safe enough. At least, that seems to be what the majority of women living in the city believe, based on a study commissioned by The Times of India. The study, which is based on a survey of 900 women conducted by IMRB in six cities across the country, looked at various issues faced by women, beginning with safety, services available, gender issues at home and the workplace, health and financial issues. It shows that while women feel relatively safer in Bangalore compared to other cities, in absolute terms, opinions are divided. An overwhelming 64% of the city’s women said they do not feel safe in the city after sunset, and only 17% said they felt safe “at any time of the day.”

    Some parts of the city are perceived to be less safe than others. TheMarathahalli Ring Road area, for instance, is perceived to be either “unsafe for women” or “very unsafe for women” by more than a third of those surveyed. “The stretch of Outer Ring Road between Marathahalli and Bellandur, where I live, is definitely underlit and possibly unsafe. The few times I’ve had to wait alone at Marathahalli junction for a bus or auto haven’t been pleasant,” says Ankita Sharma, who works in an HR firm in Brookefield and travels by public transport. Sharma says there are no street lights in this area and the operators of private vehicles soliciting passengers can get rude and hostile. “After the Delhi rape incident, I became especially wary of these private vehicles. I don’t know if any of them have proper licenses and whether the police keeps an eye on them,” she adds.

    Other areas where women felt “unsafe” or “very unsafe” included Kengeri Road and the stretch between BEL Road and Vidyaranyapura. Even the morning stroll, so long a part of the Bangalorean’s day, seems to have become fraught. More than half the women (53%) IMRB spoke to felt unsafe during their morning walks. An increasing number of women feel so insecure that they have begun contemplating carrying a weapon – 42% of the respondents said that they “felt the need to carry a weapon/article of self-defence”

    http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bangalore/What-women-in-Bangalore-want-Safety-cleanliness-and-freedom/articleshow/18857074.cms?

    I can ad my comments on other statistics.

    Can some one tell me what Freedom is being referred to here?

  • Elders Being Killed In India

    What is more shocking is the revelation by a Field worker of an NGO  that the Elders are being killed in the Southern Districts of Tamil Nadu,India much in the manner of Infanticide where in tamil Nadu they resort to killing Female children by கள்ளிப்பால் the administering   juice of  Cactaceae.

    The Elders are killed by giving them Tender coconut Water and splashing them with very cold water , this is called ‘water splashing,தண்ணி சாத்துதல்  .

    Elders Abuse
    Elders Abuse

    The other method seems to be  by administering poison injection!

    Madurai, the Temple Town of India and Kanyakumari District have this dubious distinction with Cuddalore.

    Having had a look at the Statistics, we might look at the problem

    The problem as enumerated by the Elders.

    The problem of Solitude.

    One of the main causes for depression among the elderly is that their children do not spend much time with them even if they happen to live in with them.

    Another grouse is that children have left for abroad to pursue their careers.

    As one grows old whether it is your son or yourself your perspective and the equation of relationships undergo a subtle change.

    Children have their own official pressure, financial commitment and they have their own wife and children to cope up with.

    It is not fair to expect that the children behave and communicate with us the same way they have been with us after marriage.

    Wish those who complain on these lines might ask themselves  how they have been with their parents and if their parents were to be alive, they would be leveling the same charges against them.

    As to children going abroad, the children have a whole life head of them and now thy they have opportunities to earn more by going abroad, which we did not get at our time.

    So it is a question of one understanding what is good for the children at the economic front.

    Do not for a moment imagine that the children do not think of these problems and are selfish.

    In fact my son hesitated for even applying when an opportunity was awaiting. worrying as to how to leave me and my wife alone.

    I advised him that at most I might live for about 10 or 15 more years , he has a future to look forward o and that i had been taking care of myself and my wife before he was born!

    As to me being old I informed him that there are so many in the World without children and even if they have, for some reason or other could not live with them, all not because of abuse.

    I also told him , in the final analysis,one has come alone, lives alone and leaves alone, as a matter of fact.

    I think this seems to be a practical way of looking at the problem.

    Some parents are not interested to live abroad because they feel they would miss our society and Country.

    If you are not prepared to make any compromises at an old age, is it fair to expect youngsters to do so?

    Best is to develop an interest in something other than sentimental attachment to Family and go about doing what you love doing but were unable to during your early years.

    A gentle man stated that he has Sugar, had knee problem , he has been provided with TV,Laptop ,and all other facilities, and children respect him ‘ yet says he depressed because he has been asked by the Doctors and the family not to work!

    What does one say to him?

    Children do not respect.

    I think there is point in this.

    They tend to disrespect elders even when it is not warranted.

    They should remember that they would also become old one day.

    As to elders, do not offer advice or opinions  and interfere in the daily running of the family.

    We have been doing it for nearly 30-40 years!

    Why not leave it to other and relax?

    Related:
    A bed-ridden 108-year-old woman was allegedly raped by her son’s friend at home in Jabalpur town when the rest of her family was out shopping on December 4. The crime was disclosed to HT on Friday by the president of the Jabalpur unit of the Mahila Congress after she took up the matter with Madhya Pradesh director general of police SK Rout in Bhopal.

    The accused, Gopi Ahirwar, 45, a waiter in a hotel, lives in the same locality of Sita Pahad in Jabalpur cantonment and was a regular visitor to the victim’s home.

    The victim, whose son is a daily wager, lives in the servant’s quarter of an army officer’s house. The victim’s granddaughter said, “As usual, we left the door open before leaving for the market that day as neighbours and relatives often visit our house to see my grandmother.”

    http://silverinnings.blogspot.in/2010/12/108-year-old-raped-by-neighbour-and.html

     

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  • Elders Abuse India, By Sons , Not Daughter’s In Law Study

    I saw a Show on STAR Vijay TV Today which left me deeply disturbed.

    A show hosted by Mr.Gopinath of ‘Neeya Naana‘ fame,  ‘என் தேசம் ,என் மக்கள் ” –My Country, My People” in STAR Vijay bares some uncomfortable truths.

    This programme is telecast on Sundays at 10 am where Social Issues are brought into focus.

    Some of the earlier issues related to Husnband Wife Relationship, Medical Costs.

    The present issue is the The Problems of the Elderly and The Aged.

    There were three distinct Groups in this issue.

    Elder Abuse India
    Elder Abuse India

    1.Those who were sent to Old Age Homes  by the Wealthy sons  and Daughters.

    2.Those who had no body to turn to but economically independent.

    3.Those who were economically downtrodden.

    In the first category thee were two sub groups, one where the children were abroad and had no intention of returning to India and another where the children are in India and in some cases in the same city where the Elderly have been sent to.

    I will be covering the issue in a couple of posts with Statistics.

    What struck me first are the Statistics

    .* Statistics in this Post are from HelpAge India.

    I am also posting Statistics from Other sources.

    Elder Abuse
    Elder Abuse

    Contrary to popular perception, the sons were the main cause for dumping( I deliberately use the Term) and the verbal abuse of parents, and not the Daughter’s in Law!

    56 % of the parents were sent to Old Age Homes because os f sons and 23 % because of Daughters’ in Law.

    Disrespect 44%

    Neglect 30%

    • India has the second largest aged population the world.
    • Currently there are an estimated 100 million elderly in India by 2050 it is said to reach 326 million (projections made by UN in their 1996 revision).
    • 55 million elderly sleep on an empty stomach every night.
    • 75% of persons of age 60 and above reside in rural areas.
    • 1 out 8 elderly feel no one cares they exist.
    • 12 million people in India are blind 70 – 80% of these are elderly. 62.6 % are blind due to cataract.
    • 30 million are lonely
    • 33 % are below the poverty line and majority of them are illiterate.
    • 90 % have to continue to work if they have to survive.
    • 6.5 million feel no one even knows they exist.
    • Only about 11% of India’s workforce participates in any sort of guaranteed retirement income.
    • Within the next five years, the number of adults aged 65 & over will outnumber children under the age of 5.
    • India is said to be the World Capital for heart diseases.
    • It is estimated that by year 2015, nearly 7 lakh elderly in India within the age bracket of 60 – 69 will die of coronary Heart Diseases.
    • More than two third of the Oldest Old (80+) are financially dependent on others.
    • Elder Abuse Statistics Elder Abuse

    http://http://www.helpageindia.org/about-us/reports-a-surveys.html/images/pdf/survey%20&%20reports/Report%20on%20Elder%20Abuse%20in%20India%202012.pdf