“On Wednesday this week, locals discovered the message “Wife, I was wrong” written in what appears to be yellow chalk all the way up a flight of stone steps in the Pingdingshan Forest Park in China’s Liaoning Province.
..
Native Chinese or not, writing that number of kanji characters by hand must have taken the repentant scribbler quite some time, so they will undoubtedly be rather irked to learn that local authorities promptly removed the messages, commenting to reporters that the park is a shared space and not a place for individuals to selfishly vandalise. We only hope that “wife” happened to pass by the park while the messages were still there to be seen.
Neither the identity of the individual who wrote the messages nor their reasons for doing so are known, but the general consensus online is that this that the man had likely cheated on his wife and, with the secret out, decided to do something to atone for his sins.”
I came across an article on this and noticed this discussion in some forums.
Spouse is the Best Friend?
It is often assumed that you can share everything with your friend without any reservation.
Fact is that the one whom you can share without reservations is your best friend and not the other way.
When you share something with some one you should not be apprehensive about the fall out or the consequences of divulging such information.
One has to be wary of the fact that it might change their attitude and behavior towards you.
The one whom you share might have their own agenda.
This is likely to complicate relations with them further because you are not sure whether their advice or opinions are colored and biased in their favor.
In general, it is not practical to share everything with relatives, wife/husband included for the reasons mentioned above.
In the case of a friend it is different for they have no axes to grind nor are they interested in using your information or in some cases,You!
It is often thought one is expected to share everything with those whom they Love.
Incorrect.
Unselfish, Altruistic Love is Utopian, not practical.
In any relationship there is always an element of expectation.
Moreover one loves some one for certain qualities and not for all the qualities one possesses.
Therefore ,their perceptions need not concur with others and they never will.
So the question of sharing is fraught with complication with relatives.
But as I said earlier it is not so with friends.
The problem is that such friends are rare to come by.
I am fortunate to have such a friend(read my post on Friendship)
Coming to the issue of sharing with Spouse,it is very dicey and often leads to complications.
This does not mean you do not love.
The conception that Love is complete only when you share, in my opinion, is childish.
Love is about caring, that’s all.
This requires a more healthy and mature Attitude than sharing.
Yet the question of sharing between Man and Woman always, though unspoken, has sexual implications.
Platonic Love is for Plato_Did he have a happy married Life?
Some references and discussions.
*There are exceptions,
”
For most people, their spouse is the person they see the most on any given day. From the moment they wake up in the morning to the moment they go to sleep at night, it’s their spouse who hears all of their thoughts and ideas, who listens to their observations on the day, and who does it all over again the next. But does that make their spouse their best friend?
The other night over dinner, this question came up with some girlfriends of mine. They are lucky enough to have the lifelong friends some of us can only dream about. Friends who have known them since they were 4, nursed them through high school breakups and junior high drama. Friends who know their family dynamics better than their cousins and stood beside them at their wedding, tearing up and smiling for the camera.
So who is our “best friend”? For me, it’s my husband. Hands down. I have other people I adore and feel close to, but no one knows my innermost everything like my husband. Then again, I am lucky in that I have known him since I was 10 and he DID know my family … So maybe it’s different if you meet in your late 20s or 30s.
We asked around and polled 14 women to ask their opinions and got a varied amount of amazing responses. Here are some:
1.) “When asked who my BFF is, I never think to respond my husband, but if I think about what one means, then yes, he is. That said, he’s NOT my favorite person to do everything with, and there are some things I’d rather do/issues I’d rather discuss with my BFF than him.”
2.) “No one knows me like the friend I grew up with. She was my neighbor, she knew my parents when they were alive and she knew them well. I love my husband, but no one could ever know me like her.”
3.) “I’m closer with him than anyone, feel most comfortable around him, have so much fun with him, and know I can count on him more than anyone else. However, that said, there are some things he just doesn’t get that my girl ‘best friend’ does — especially when it comes to being a mom and how much we put into it!”
4.) “My husband is my best friend. As for why — he’s funny, he’s good company, he likes many of the same things I do, and he’s been my partner through thick and thin for over 13 years.”
5.) “Yes, he is. We went into this as best friends, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have other best friends, but he’s number one.”
6.) “Without a doubt, my husband is my best friend. Still, I’m proud to have several other friends that are very close behind. But we don’t have sex so …?”
7.) “I have a best friend that isn’t my husband. Obviously, my husband and I know each other like only we could know. We support one another emotionally, we have great conversations and so much fun together. We are raising kids and sharing a house together and I couldn’t imagine doing it with another human being, but my best friend is someone who I have known forever, we have shared more with each other than any other. Both experiences and secrets. We have shared hilarious times, sad times, great times, and horrendous times together and I honestly would not be where I am today without her love, advice, and guidance.”
8.) “My husband and I are probably totally co-dependent in that we do everything together (even grocery shop). He is my foil, the shoulder I can lean on when I am down, and the person who has my back all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for not having that one woman who is my soul sister BFF, but then I think about my marriage and how LUCKY we are. I am so thankful that I have this man I want to talk to all night and rip off his clothes at the same time. Even after a decade of marriage. So yeah, he’s my best friend with a million benefits, to boot.”
I think declaring that your husband is your best friend is very trendy these days. With that said, I am sure many of you consider your husband to be your best friend. However when I married 43 years ago I loved and still love my husband dearly. However, he is NOT my best friend. Why ? Because who do you talk to when your husband pisses you off ? Not him….its your best friend, who in my case happens to be a girl who understands me so much better than my husband.
Or wold it help the accused pleading’temporarily insane?’
What wold be lost is the fact that the dead woman has been abusing her husband.
Story:
A dead woman’s bloody body lay sprawled out on a kitchen floor in a gruesome photo posted to her husband’s Facebook page, along with a harrowing confession.
“Im going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys takecare Facebook people you will see me in the news.”
Derek Medina, 31, of South Miami appears to have posted the grisly picture of Jennifer Alfonso about 11:30 Thursday morning.
It shows Alfonso bent backwards at the knees with blood splattered over her face and arm.
“my wife was punching me and I am not going to stand anymore with the abuse so I did what I did I hope u understand me,” he wrote.
Medina turned himself in to police Thursday and confessed that he shot his wife following a domestic dispute, local CBS-affiliate WFOR reported.
I studied in a premier college with dual scholarship as I could not afford Higher studies.
I was very active in the Students’ Union and was responsible for three strikes in that premier Institution.
The causes were just, the authorities knew it, though could not admit it openly.
I finished my degree as the first rank holder in the University in major(Philosophy,Psychology and Sociology), only first class in The University in the language(Tamil),and one of the seven second class students who scored in English.
Though the college authorities knew I had created problems, the Chief of the group called me and asked me to continue MA , financial help for boarding, lodging and fees will be taken care of by them, I could not, because my family circumstances warranted that I take up a job.
Hence I had to refuse the offer despite their assurance that they will provide me with a job in the college as a Lecturer(Mind you the salary was good for the post in those days) because I could not wait for two more years to earn.
I took up a job, went out of the city, fell in love for over three years with my friend‘s( who was around 48 years) daughter.
As much I wanted to marry her, I did not ask her father.
in my view to marry one;s friend’s daughter was a betrayal of Trust!
I got married and me my friend with my wife.
His daughter along with him extended hospitality.
As we were returning Home, my wife told me that she saw Love in my friend’s daughter’s eyes and asked me what the matter was.
I explained her and she admonished me for not having married her and felt sorry for me too!
(My friend’s daughter , in a fit of anger and desperation to get even with me got married of her own to a non worthy who tortured her and she got a divorce.)
My wife, whom I loved and love still died in child birth.
I went off my mind for a couple of months, got remarried , begotten grand children.
I had choices, at all times,
to opt for higher study and a sinecure job.
to marry the one whom I loved,
to remain unmarried after my beloved wife’s death,
I did not choose any of these options.
On hind sight I wish I could have taken them.
The cost?
I do not know.
But what forced me to choose one in place of another, may be circumstances, but still?
I had chosen what I thought I liked.
In retrospect, I find it could have been otherwise.
May be after couple of years or even a days later I might find my present choice mentioned here are incorrect!
So a decision is made by one with out his control, though it appears to be voluntary.
Choice is really determined, if you look at it this way.
So decisions are made for me and I am under the illusion that I am choosing them!
There is a bland statement to the effect that the husband died and only narration dealing with monetary affairs.
As if a thought had struck that it might not look nice if nothing is spoken about the deceased husband a reference is made to the effect that there is no time for grieving.
Strange Logic.
I am yet to know that you need a separate time allocated and available for grieving.
Me. I lost my wife and Me 38 years ago and I have not slept normally at all for all these years , not withstanding that I have grand children.
I do not remember my wife for what she had done for me or what she would be doing for me if were alive to-day, but the pain of having been separated…well… one has to feel it to understand it.
I am called most unemotional by my children and one with a cold heart.
Be it as may,
I know there are issues to be tackled, especially economic.
And Life Goes On.
Yet to focus only on the economic aspects to the exclusion of the pangs of separation?
I do not know.
May I am a fool.
People who are dead and gone will not return.
I know.
But this attitude?
Is this all Marriage and bonding all about and is this about Valentine’s’ day?
May be this is practical way of Living?!
May be.
What I do know is that even animals forsake their food,especially Monkeys and Elephants , in some cases,die,if they lose their mate.
Are we so advanced not to react humanely?
Have become so obsessed with money to be sanitized from normal human emotions?
Is this Life?
Again I do not know.
I am old-fashioned.
I do not know how to say ‘I Love You’
Nor can I bring myself to say ‘I can not Live with out you’
That’s all I can Say on this story.
For those who know Tamil.
வீடு வரை உறவு வீதி வரை மனைவி …
‘ “கொண்டு வந்தால் தந்தை; கொண்டு வந்தாலும் வராவிட்டாலும் தாய், சீர் கொண்டு வந்தால் சகோதரி, கொலையும் செய்வாள் பத்தினி, உயிர் காப்பான் தோழன்” -தூக்கு தூக்கி ‘
பணத்தின் மீதுதான் பக்தி என்றபின் பந்த பாசமே ஏனடா -கண்ணதாசன் – பழனி
Grieving for the Wife.
Story:
“Few things I learnt after my husband’s death:-
We always believe we will live forever. Bad things always happen to others.
Only when things hit us bang on your head you realise… Life is so unpredictable….
My husband was an IT guy.All Technical. And I am a chartered accountant.
Awesome combination you may think.
Techie guy so everything is on his laptop.His to do list.
His e-bill and his bank statements in his email. He even maintained a folder which said IMPWDS wherein he stored all log in id and passwords for all his online accounts.
And even his laptop had a password.
Techie guy so all the passwords were alpha-numeric with a special character not an easy one to crack.
Office policy said passwords needed to be changed every 30 days.
So every time I accessed his laptop I would realize it’s a new password again.
I would simply opt for asking him ‘What’s the latest password’ instead of taking the strain to memorize it.
You may think me being a Chartered Accountant would means everything is documented and filed properly.
Alas! many of my chartered accountant friends would agree that the precision we follow with our office documents and papers do not flow in to day to-day home life. At office you have been the epitome of Reliability / Competent / Diligent etc but.
At home front there is always a tomorrow.
One fine morning my hubby expired in a bike accident on his way home from office.
He was just 33.
His laptop with all his data crashed.everything on his hard disk wiped off.No folder of IMPWDS to refer back to
.His mobile with all the numbers on it was smashed.But that was just the beginning.
I realised I had a lot to learn.
9 years married to one of the best human beings.with no kids.just the two of us to fall back on.but now I stood all alone and lost.
Being chartered accountant helped in more ways than one but it was not enough.
I needed help.His saving bank accounts, his salary bank accounts had no nominee
.On his insurance his mom was the nominee and it was almost 2 years back she had expired. But this was just a start.
I didn’t know the password to his email account where all his e-bill came.
I didn’t know which expenses he paid by standing instructions.
His office front too was not easy. His department had changed recently.I didn’t know his reporting boss name to start with.when had he last claimed his shift allowance, his mobile reimbursement.
The house we bought with all the excitement on a loan thought with our joint salary we could afford the EMI.
When the home loans guys suggested insurance on the loan.we decided the instead of paying the premium the difference in the EMI on account of the insurance could be used pay towards prepayment of the loan and get the tenure down.
We never thought what we would do if we have to live on a single salary.So now there was huge EMI to look into .
I realised I was in for a long haul.
Road accident case.
So everywhere I needed a Death certificate, FIR report, Post Mortem report.
For everything there were forms running into pages.indemnity bonds.notary.surety to stand up for you.
No objections certificates from your co-heirs.
I learnt other than your house, your land,
Your car, your bike are also your property.
So what if you are the joint owner of the flat.you don’t become the owner just because your hubby is no more.
So what if your hubby expired in the bike accident and you are the nominee but if the bike is in a repairable condition .you have to get the bike transferred in your name to claim the insurance.
And that was again not easy.
The bike or car cannot be transferred in your name without going through a set of legal documents.
Getting a Succession Certificate is another battle all together.
Then came the time you realise now you have to start changing all the bills, assets in your name.
Your gas connection, electricity meter, your own house, your car, your investments and all sundries.
And then change all the nominations where your own investments are concerned.
And again a start of a new set of paperwork.
To say I was shaken.my whole life had just turned upside down was an understatement.
You realise you don’t have time to mourn and grieve for the person with whom you spend the best years of your life
. Because you are busy sorting all the paper work.
I realised then how much I took life for granted
.I thought being a chartered accountant I am undergoing so many difficulties.what would have happened to someone who was house maker who wouldn’t understand this legal hotchpotch.
A sweet friend then told me dear this was not an end.you have no kids.your assets will be for all who stand to claim.after my hubby’s sudden death.I realised it was time I took life more seriously.
I now needed to make a Will.
I would have laughed if a few months back if he had asked me to make one
.But now life had taken a twist.
Lessons learnt this hard way were meant to be shared.
After all why should the people whom we love the most suffer after we are no more.
Sorting some paperwork before we go will at least ease some of their grief.
1. Check all your nominations…
It’s a usual practice to put a name (i.e in the first place if you have mentioned it) and royally forget about it. Most of us have named our parent as a nominee for investments, bank accounts opened before marriage. We have not changed the same even years after they are no longer there with us. Even your salary account usually has no nomination.. Kindly check all your Nominations.
– Bank Accounts
– Fixed Deposits, NSC
– Bank Lockers
– Demat Accounts
– Insurance (Life, Bike or Car or Property)
– Investments
– PF Pension Forms
2. Passwords..
We have passwords for practically everything. Email accounts, Bank accounts, even for the laptop you use. What happens when your next in kin cannot access any of these simply because they do not know your password… Put it down on a paper.
3. Investments.
Every year for tax purpose we do investments. Do we maintain an excel sheet about it. If so is it on the same laptop of which the password you had not shared. Where are those physical investments hard copy.
4. Will.
Make a Will. I know you will smile even I would.had I not gone through all what I did.It would have made my life lot easier.a lot less paperwork.I wouldn’t had to provide an indemnity bond, get it notarised, ask surety to stand up, no objections certificates from others…
5. Liabilities.
When you take a loan say for your house or car.Check out on all the what ifs.what if I am not there tomorrow.what if I lose my job.Will the EMI still be within my range.If not get an insurance on the loan.The people left will not have to worry on something as basic as their own house.
My battles have just begun…But let us at least try to make few changes so that our loved ones would not suffer after we go.We do not know what will happen in the future.
You must be logged in to post a comment.