Ramanisblog

Tag: relationships

  • Relationships, How Far? 

    There are volumes and volumes written on relationships these days.

    Many might think I am old fashioned, might be true, but we have taken to relationships naturally.

    It was not deliberate.

    We had, at least I have, two levels.

    One is family, friends and those who are close, the last mentioned need not be relatives, in fact it is not..

    The others are, well, just others.

    With the first category,  I do not think before I interact and express myself spontaneously without thinking or second guessing what the reaction or reply would be.

    No doubt, this leads to arguments especially in the family.

    But I do not carry it forward for the next second and I resume my talk after a heated exchange normally.

    In my opinion, you let your hair down and be natural with whom you love.

    There is no necessity of being deliberate or planning while interacting with them.

    That is what family is all about.

    Over thinking about relationships and communication skills, in my opinion, stunts the warmth of the relationship, though the words might be not too soft.

    The deliberation involved in communication between family members and close friends spoils the Bond and people become strangers.

    In my view that is not relationship.

    We are natural and outspoken with whom we love and the love is felt, not known.

    That’s it.

    Yet how far relationship can go?

    When you die,

    Relatives upto to your Home,

    Your wife is upto to the end of the street where you live,

    (Indian custom),

    Your son(who is expected to perform your last Rites), is upto the Crematorium, Grave.

    But the effects, results of your actions, Karma will be with you far beyond.

    This was beautifully expressed in a Tamil film song penned by the great poet Kannadasan.

    ‘வீடு வரை உறவு,

    வீதி வரை மனைவி,

    காடு வரை பிள்ளை,

    கடைசி வரை யாரோ,

    I have provided the meaning, after the line

    ‘ when you die’

    in the beginning of this article.

    Kannadasan ends the line as ‘who shall be till the Last’

    This thought is from Pattinathar a Yogi from Tamil Nadu who composed quite a few of the most profound Poems on Life, Shiva and Bhakti.

    I am providing the lunes from Pattinathar below.

    Pattinathar concludes as Results of actions, benevolent and not benevolent, Paap and Punya shall follow you till the last.
    அந்தமும் வாழ்வும் அகத்து மட்டேவிழி அம்பொழுக மெத்திய மாதரும் வீதி மட்டே

    விம்மி விம்மி இரு கை தலை மேல் வைத்து அழும் மைந்தரும் சுடுகாடு மட்டே

    பற்றித் தொடரும் இரு வினை புண்ணியம் பாவமுமே.
    andhamum vAzhvum agathu matte

    vizhi ambozhuga methiya mAdharum veedhi matte

    vimmi vimmi iru kai thalai mel vaithu azhum maindharum sudukAdu matte

    patrith thodarum iru vinai punniyam pAvamume

  • Mantra Yantra For Series Of Problems Avoid Divorce Save Marriage

    I have written quite a few articles on various problems one faces in Life and  published time tested Mantras from The Vedas and from slokas.

    Many Readers have been contacting me over phone an also by email informing me that they have been relieved of the problems.

    This I attribute to their faith and their strict adherence to procedures laid down as explained in the relevant articles.

    There are as many number of problems as there are human beings and as many situations, many of which are not in our control.

    Sometimes One faces a series of problems for no fault of their own and they can not explain the cause.

    And these problems arise one after another or at times simultaneously.

    I have faced similiar situations in Life and to me it was Devi Abhirami who saved me.

    There is one more issue people face to day.

    That is, the issue of Divorce.

    At times, though either one or both the parties do not wish to procedd with Divorce proceedings the process looms large.

    This assumes serious proportions if one party does not want to go with the process.

    It is very easy to say to get out of a relationship and look for a new one.

    Unfortunately mind is not compartmentalised and despite what we may say we are still ruled by heart , though it appears that we are ruled by Mind and Logic.

    One can not wish away the past.

    This is not to say that one should not divorce at all.

    There are mitigating circumstances and one has no othe alternative but to go in for Divorce.

    In such cases one must go in for Divorce.

    In other cases I have stated above , if one is not really intent and. wishes to save the marriage there is a Mantra and Yatra Pooja which I camy chance while enquiring with learned people.

    Though there are many mantras, I have written about some of them , ther is the Matsya Yanra Pooja which is very effective in overcoming marital disharmony prvent divorce and ensures cordial relationship in the Family.

    This Matsya Yantra Pooja is also one of the most effective remedies for succession og problems which are unforeseen and inexplicable.

    Please chant the following Mantra if fron of the Yantra daily for 45 days, in the mornings after bath.

    Begin ona shukla Paksha,Waxing Moon, Chaturthi,Panchami, Shasti or Sapthami, 4, 5 ,6 or the seventh day after New Moon.

    Naivedya, offering to God, is Honey or Dryfruits.

    On the concluding day feed the poor at your convenience.

    Ensure that you Pray your Family deity seeking permission.

    The Yantra.

    Matsya Yantra.Image
    Matsya Yantra.

    This may be drawn in copper or you may draw it with Rice flour on a wodden plank daily.

    Palce Sandalwood paste and Kumkum on the corners of the Yantra and also at the centre.

    Adorn the Yantar with flowers.

    Chant the mantra provided 108 times a day.

    The Yantra may be place facing east.

    The Matsya Gayatri to be chanted.

    Tath Pusushayaa Vidmahe Maha Meenaya Dheemi,

    Thanno Vishnu Prochodhayaath’

     

  • Parents Complaints To Children

    There comes a stage when the parents start complaining to their children about each other, instead of children complaining about siblings.

     

    Either the wife or the husband complains to the daughter or son.

     

    This happens when the parents cross fifty and children start earning or get married,whether the son stays with the parents or not.

     

    Children’s complaints.

     

    Recently I had a call on this from a son, settled abroad,on this.

     

    He was worried about this.

     

    Each of the parents have complained about the other.

     

    The Boy wanted to solve the issue

     

    The Boy is over 35 and the parents in their sixties.

     

    He told me he wanted to talk to them separately and set the things right.

     

    He sought my advise.

     

    My answer was to do nothing of the sort.

     

    Any marital relationship is bound have disagreements.

     

    One is dissatisfied with the other.

     

    Matured ones know to leave the disagreements and proceed as if nothing has happened, provided the grouse is not about genuine harassment or involving adultery.

     

    But as one grows old,th children grown up, the parents seek solace in their children.

     

    They do not wish to let  their affairs known to outside the family.

     

    They need an out let to share their feelings.

     

    That’s all and nothing more even though they may not admit it.

     

    Talking to grown up children who are understanding enough reduces tension and gives a feeling that there is someone who listens to problems sympathetically and consoles.

     

    What the children need to do is to  listen to the issue or complaints as one would to a close friend and emphasize with them, with out making an adverse comment about the other parent.

     

    Talk to them,console them and assure them that you shall talk to the other party and resolve.

     

    But do not talk to the other party on this.

     

    This approach, I have seen, has helped a lot of people.

     

    These things shall pass in Life.

     

    Most of the complications in Life arise out of the mistaken notion that all problems can be solved by active participation.

     

    And undue importance given to regular natural incidents.

     

    One should be mature enough to understand what a serious problem is.

     

    Some of these quick fixes for imagined problems arise out of blindly following western thought s about solving problems.

     

    In most cases the cure turns out worse than the disease.

     

     

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  • Whom Should A Brahmin Marry Manusmriti

    People malign Manu without studying his work in full.

     

    Texts are often taken out of context to suit one’s convenience.

    Manu Smriti

     

    Whatever be the subject, deep thought seems to have gone into and these Laws are arrived at after taking into consideration the stability  of the Society and the welfare of the individual.

     

    However Social Order seems to take priority.

     

    The Laws of Manu on selecting a Bride , to me, seems very rational.

     

    As parents most of us follow the same without articulating or even aware of it.

     

    To ensure Offspring without Genetic disorders Manu prohibits marriage with immediate blood relatives.

     

    And with chronic illness and birth defects.

     

    He insists on not marrying from a Family without a Male Heir.

     

    Boys’ parents know how difficult it is to interact with a child with no brother/s for they normally are unaware of Mael view-point.

     

    And in the event of the demise of the girl’s father, if there are no Males to interact  on behalf of the Girl, it creates n running the Family at times of crisis.

     

    Manu pays scant regard to the wealth of the Girl’s Family.

     

    He has also provided some physical marks which might have a bearing on the character of the Bride.

     

    Some of his observations are vindicated by Science, like the one regarding excessive Body hair-normally the extra hair growth is because of imbalance in Hormones.

     

    Read the Laws of Manu on this.

     

    Though this appears to apply for Brahmins, my view is that these laws are meant for the three Varnas, Brahmana, Kshatriyas,an Vaisyas as Manu simply lays down these rules for the Dwijas(twice Born)

     

    That is those who wear Upaveeda.

     

    These three varnas must wear Upaveedas.

     

    Therefore these rules of Manu apply to all the three castes.

     

    4. Having bathed, with the permission of his teacher, and performed according to the rule the Samavartana (the rite on returning home), a twice-born man shall marry a wife of equal caste who is endowed with auspicious (bodily) marks. 

    5. A damsel who is neither a Sapinda on the mother’s side, nor belongs to the same family on the father’s side, is recommended to twice-born men for wedlock and conjugal union.

    6. In connecting himself with a wife, let him carefully avoid the ten following families, be they ever so great, or rich in kind, horses, sheep, grain, or (other) property,

    7. (Viz.) one which neglects the sacred rites, one in which no male children (are born), one in which the Veda is not studied, one (the members of) which have thick hair on the body, those which are subject to hemorrhoids, phthisis, weakness of digestion, epilepsy, or white or black leprosy.

    8. Let him not marry a maiden (with) reddish (hair), nor one who has a redundant member, nor one who is sickly, nor one either with no hair (on the body) or too much, nor one who is garrulous or has red (eyes),

    9. Nor one named after a constellation, a tree, or a river, nor one bearing the name of a low caste, or of a mountain, nor one named after a bird, a snake, or a slave, nor one whose name inspires terror.

    10. Let him wed a female free from bodily defects, who has an agreeable name, the (graceful) gait of a Hamsa or of an elephant, a moderate (quantity of) hair on the body and on the head, small teeth, and soft limbs

     

    Laws of Manu Chapter III .

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  • LGBT Issues In Hindu Forward Communities

    Sometime back I posted an article on the views of Hinduism on LGBT.

     

    The post received good response and many with this issue have written to me saying that  th post helped them mentally.

     

    Yet members of some communities i Facebook of which I am a member, felt that these issues are in bad taste and some communities have even removed the post.

     

    Hinduism is a way of Life.

     

    India Corporate Policy for LGBT.Image.jpg.
    India Corporate Policy for LGBT.

     

    It does not feel shy of addressing real issues of Life.

     

    It understands the nature of Humans including their frailties and try to offer solutions.

     

    By adopting an Ostrich like attitude, one faces on certain issues,  much more serious issues later that would arise because of this.

     

    Problems are to be addressed to and not wished away, thinking that if we do not think about them , it would disappear.

     

    There is this attitude of taking no decision, a modern western concept of course,justifying that the problem would solve itself.

     

    True, but the solution need not be to our liking and at times may even harmful.

     

    I have not taken the trouble of finding statistics of LGBT in India, ,especially Community wise.

     

    It is likely to be incorrect as this is a sensitive and too personal an issue to be divulged.

     

    Strength in numbers does not diminish the gravity of the problem.

     

    About a year back two issues of m friends were referred to me, regarding their family problem, so sensitive the could not discuss with their relatives.

     

    Well, you do not discuss sensitive issues with relatives, only with friends who  have no stakes.

     

    My friend’s son((34)got married to a girl from an orthodox family.

     

    The boy is well settled and the girl was very nice, working in a MNC.

     

    The girl was a Lesbian.

     

    This, she disclosed to her husband, after a couple of days of marriage to her husband.

     

    This she told him that she was had been scared to inform her  parents and she had a girl friend from US.

     

    The boy wrestled with this problem and he informed me.

     

    Many among the younger generation , boys and girls,open up with me about intimate problems, though , b age , I am like their Father.

     

    I took up the issue very gingerly with the girl first and later with the Boy’s parents.

     

    It took some time for m friend to come back to normalcy.

     

    I informed him, he was very orthodox, that this an accident of Nature and one should ensure that two lives are not ruined.

     

    Our Religious texts inform us these problems and suggest we take appropriate action to ensure that no one is affected.

     

    He came around.

     

    After discussing the issue with the girl’s parents,a Divorce b mutual consent was organised( the reason as disclosed in Camera in the Family Court).

     

    The girl went to US to be with her Girl friend in the US.

     

    The Boy is  married again, after disclosing the details to  the would be bride and her parents.

     

    The Boy’s first wife came from US and corroborated the facts to the would be bride and her parents.

     

    The boy is happily married and has a son.

     

    A similar case was in respect of Gay.

     

    Here the marriage was stopped.

     

    Elders should not wish away the problem.

     

    It is tricky in Hindu communities, notwithstanding the elopement in many a case.

     

    Children still are respectful for their parents and are shy of discussing their intimate problems.

     

    It would be prudent , before arranging marriage, boys and girls, talk to them and wherever necessary , get to know their friends and get information very discreetly.

     

    This would help a lot of problems that might arise later.

     

    This applies to issues concerning Transvestites as well .

     

     

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