Ramanisblog

Tag: husband

  • Husband Wife Can Not be Your Best Friend

    I came across an article on this and noticed this discussion in some forums.

    Spouse is the Best Friend
    Spouse is the Best Friend?

    It is often assumed that you can share everything with your friend without any reservation.

    Fact is that the one whom you can share without reservations is your best friend  and not the other way.

    When you share something with some one you should not be apprehensive about the fall out or the consequences of divulging such information.

    One has to be wary of the fact that it might change their attitude and behavior towards you.

    The one whom you share might have their own agenda.

    This is likely to complicate relations with them further because you are not sure whether their advice or opinions are colored and biased in their favor.

    In general, it is not practical to share everything with relatives, wife/husband included for the reasons mentioned above.

    In the case of a friend it is different for they have no axes to grind nor are they interested in using your information or in some cases,You!

    It is often thought one is expected to share everything with  those whom they Love.

    Incorrect.

    Unselfish, Altruistic  Love is Utopian, not practical.

    In any relationship there is always an element of expectation.

    Moreover one loves some one for certain qualities and not for all the qualities one possesses.

    Therefore ,their perceptions need not concur with others and they never will.

    So the question of sharing is fraught with complication with relatives.

    But as I said earlier it is not so with friends.

    The problem is that such friends are rare to come by.

    I am fortunate to have such a friend(read my post on Friendship)

    Coming to the issue of sharing with Spouse,it is very dicey and often leads to complications.

    This does not mean you do not love.

    The conception that Love is complete only when you share, in my opinion, is childish.

    Love is about caring, that’s all.

    This requires a more healthy and mature  Attitude than sharing.

    Yet the question of sharing between Man and Woman always, though unspoken, has sexual implications.

    Platonic Love is for Plato_Did he have a happy married Life?

    Some references and discussions.

    *There are exceptions,

    ”

    For most people, their spouse is the person they see the most on any given day. From the moment they wake up in the morning to the moment they go to sleep at night, it’s their spouse who hears all of their thoughts and ideas, who listens to their observations on the day, and who does it all over again the next. But does that make their spouse their best friend?

    The other night over dinner, this question came up with some girlfriends of mine. They are lucky enough to have the lifelong friends some of us can only dream about. Friends who have known them since they were 4, nursed them through high school breakups and junior high drama. Friends who know their family dynamics better than their cousins and stood beside them at their wedding, tearing up and smiling for the camera.

    So who is our “best friend”? For me, it’s my husband. Hands down. I have other people I adore and feel close to, but no one knows my innermost everything like my husband. Then again, I am lucky in that I have known him since I was 10 and he DID know my family … So maybe it’s different if you meet in your late 20s or 30s.

    We asked around and polled 14 women to ask their opinions and got a varied amount of amazing responses. Here are some:

    1.) “When asked who my BFF is, I never think to respond my husband, but if I think about what one means, then yes, he is. That said, he’s NOT my favorite person to do everything with, and there are some things I’d rather do/issues I’d rather discuss with my BFF than him.”

    2.) “No one knows me like the friend I grew up with. She was my neighbor, she knew my parents when they were alive and she knew them well. I love my husband, but no one could ever know me like her.”

    3.) “I’m closer with him than anyone, feel most comfortable around him, have so much fun with him, and know I can count on him more than anyone else. However, that said, there are some things he just doesn’t get that my girl ‘best friend’ does — especially when it comes to being a mom and how much we put into it!”

    4.) “My husband is my best friend. As for why — he’s funny, he’s good company, he likes many of the same things I do, and he’s been my partner through thick and thin for over 13 years.”

    5.) “Yes, he is. We went into this as best friends, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have other best friends, but he’s number one.”

    6.) “Without a doubt, my husband is my best friend. Still, I’m proud to have several other friends that are very close behind. But we don’t have sex so …?”

    7.) “I have a best friend that isn’t my husband. Obviously, my husband and I know each other like only we could know. We support one another emotionally, we have great conversations and so much fun together. We are raising kids and sharing a house together and I couldn’t imagine doing it with another human being, but my best friend is someone who I have known forever, we have shared more with each other than any other. Both experiences and secrets. We have shared hilarious times, sad times, great times, and horrendous times together and I honestly would not be where I am today without her love, advice, and guidance.”

    8.) “My husband and I are probably totally co-dependent in that we do everything together (even grocery shop). He is my foil, the shoulder I can lean on when I am down, and the person who has my back all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for not having that one woman who is my soul sister BFF, but then I think about my marriage and how LUCKY we are. I am so thankful that I have this man I want to talk to all night and rip off his clothes at the same time. Even after a decade of marriage. So yeah, he’s my best friend with a million benefits, to boot.”

    http://askville.amazon.com/husband-friend/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=89360982

    http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/159547/does_your_husband_have_to

    ‘

    I think declaring that your husband is your best friend is very trendy these days. With that said, I am sure many of you consider your husband to be your best friend. However when I married 43 years ago I loved and still love my husband dearly. However, he is NOT my best friend. Why ? Because who do you talk to when your husband pisses you off ? Not him….its your best friend, who in my case happens to be a girl who understands me so much better than my husband.
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  • Divorced Women To get Husband’s Inherited Property

    Hindu Marriage,Ammi Mithithal
    Ammi Midithal
    Ammi Midithal
    The groom touches the feet of the bride and lifts her right foot gently and places it on the Ammi(grinding stone). This signifies her hope that their union may be as firm and steadfast as the grinding stone.

    Women , not all of them but the self-styled feminists, would like one to believe that they are being discriminated by Men,want Equal Rights with Men.

    They also say that they are not weak , can do what a Man could do.

    In the same breath they expect Men to be chivalrous and give, as a courtesy(!?), to give priority to women in Public, say like allowing them the first right of passage,special seats for them in Trains buses, special timing and excuses for leave in the work place.

    To me if you want to be equal to Men , you should expect to be treated like men.

    To garner votes, the Government of India has gone overboard.

    The Cabinet has given the nod for the following proposals.

    “A wife will have a share in her husband’s inherited or inheritable marital property on divorce, though the exact quantum of the compensation has been left to the discretion of the judge, according to a legislation that was cleared by the Union Cabinet on Wednesday.

    The Cabinet also cleared the proposal that in cases where divorce has been sought on mutual consent of both parties the judiciary has been given the discretion to grant divorce to one party after a period of three years, even if the man and the wife are no longer on the same page. These were part of the recommendations of the GoM on Marriage Laws Amendment Bill which will now be amended suitably before being brought to Parliament during the monsoon session, beginning August 5.

    By not quantifying the amount of compensation the government has moderated its earlier proposal to give a wife “equal” share in marital property. The ministers felt that a judge could decide on the quantum of compensation after taking into account an entire set of considerations such as the disposable income of both husband and wife, conditions like who will bear the primary responsibility of raising the children and claimants on the “inheritable property.”

    If you do not want to live with a Man, why do you want his property?

    Are men returned the favor?

    How many divorced women pay Alimony to their ex Husbands?

    Relationship is about understanding and compromising one with the other.

    If you want to end it, it should be with lock, stock and barrel, not what is convenient,.

    While cases about Men walking out of relationships, Marriages, is widely reported, women indulging in this, never gets reported for the man considers that it is an insult to divulge it and Dog bites Man is not News.

    I know a case, where a woman deliberately pretended to love a  Boy , got married, drugged him with the help of her mother for three years and tried to get his property worth one crore and finally settled for 30 lakhs!..

    If in a relationship, if either wants any thing more than the Relationship, other than Love, Care and Affection, in my dictionary it is, sorry for using this, Prostitution.

    (Desertion , if proved, is a different matter and has to be strictly dealt with by Punishment and Compensation, this applies to both sex).

    The other proposal of granting divorce after three years, even if one party is not willing or has a change of mind, Divorce is to be granted.

    So the aim is to see that the Institution of marriage is broken, no compromise.

    Then why do you have family Courts for Divorces, simply follow ‘Talaq,talaq, talaq’ and be done with it.

    However I am not against Divorces if either the husband or wife is unfaithful , neglectful of the other and embark on cruelty.

    This point is common to bth sex.

    There is a mistaken impression that there is no cruelty being practiced by Women.

    It is erroneous.

    It exists more than one thinks.

    Men do not admit it.

    One of my friend used say that many Men in India go through married Life, because they feel it is their duty to go through it,let me suffer silently.

    In India if men were to go for Divorce for reasons like cruelty by wives,well, about 80% of Marriages would have broken long ago.

    I expect comments like Male Chauvinist Pig‘ ‘Sucking Pig, a Muslim(!?), who brings dishonor to Islam!

    These comments are real and were approved and published in my site.

    * I am not a Divorcee, am happily married with Grand children..

    To me family is the most important institution one has to respect and men have the responsibility of taking car of it, including wife.

    Marriage is not a walkers Association to walk away when you feel like it.

    Wife has to be respected, listened when it is worth not otherwise, to me no compromises just to please, what is in the best interests of the family, will be done.

    There is a Sanskrit slaoka which says,

    ‘Listen to women and children int the Family, take decisions in the interest of the family’

    ‘Do not discuss economic difficulties with Children, Wife and Gussets, they can not understand, you carry the burden”

    I find this to be practical.

    The issue of accepting money from your wife,.

    You take Financial assistance from your wife for the family.

    You had it, you would be reminded and insulted to the end of your Life.

    Ask any man who has taken Money from his wife.

    News Source:

    http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Now-women-will-get-share-of-husbands-inherited-property-on-divorce/articleshow/21128781.cms

     

     

     

     

  • Woman Forces Man’s Mouth Open

     

    While men have been trying unsuccessfully to have wives mouths shut, this lady has achieved this feat.

     

    Come to think of it, this is easier!

    Story:

    CRESTVIEW – A woman who said her husband was cheating on her was arrested after she allegedly jumped on his back and forced his mouth apart with her fingers.

    On Aug. 30 two Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies were called to a Country Breeze Lane residence about a disturbance. Once there they interviewed a husband and wife, the apparent source of the disturbance.

    The man said he’d been involved in an argument with his wife over a text message. He came about 8:30 that night and the argument continued, with his wife following him around the house, yelling in his face.

    While in the bedroom, she allegedly jumped on his back and put her arm around his neck. He removed her arm, but then she grabbed him from behind and placed her fingers in his mouth, pulling his mouth apart, the arrest report indicated. This was said to have caused a small cut in his mouth.

    The woman told deputies she had found out her husband was cheating on her and she’d told him not to come home. As they argued, somehow her fingers “ended up in his mouth,” the deputy wrote.

    The woman was charged with misdemeanor battery. Her court date is Sept. 18.

     

    http://www.nwfdailynews.com/articles/mouth-52151-husband-woman.html#ixzz264uKQiEf

     

  • Become a Murderer To Argue for Murder Accused? Judge!

    In a statement  delivered in a case in Bangalore Court, a Judge advised the lawyer who was arguing in a Divorce case

     

    ” “you are unfit to argue this case.  You do not know real life.  Why are you arguing like this?  He is your (client’s) partner, not a stranger.  Family matters should be argued only by married people, not spinsters.  You should only watch.”

     

    By this Logic, only one who is convicted of Murder can argue for a Murder accused!

     

    However if we look at the Judge’s statement.it seems correct that married people can better understand the nuances of married Life and its nuances.

     

     

    It is curious that funny observations like ‘Swalpa adjust maadi(adjust a little)-in  a case involving wife being.voiding  the dissolution of a marriage on a funny ground, seem to emanate from Bangalore.

     

    Are the judges in Bangalore funny or  the instances are reported only from Bangalore?

     

    Story:

    In a story first published by the Bangalore Mirror and available here it was revealed that Justice K. Bhaktavatsala of the division bench interrupted the woman advocate who was arguing the case for the wife to ask whether she was married.  When she replied that she was not married the judge said “you are unfit to argue this case.  You do not know real life.  Why are you arguing like this?  He is your (client’s) partner, not a stranger.  Family matters should be argued only by married people, not spinsters.  You should only watch.”  The judge then asked the other advocate appointed on behalf of the wife whether he was married.  When he said he was the judge said it would be better if he argued the case.

    While the case is astonishing just for the pure ridiculousness of the above statements, it, unfortunately does not end there.

    The couple had been fighting the divorce case for five years at this point.  They lived together for a few months after marriage and have a daughter.  The lower court rejected the divorce plea and the Husband than approached the High Court.  The High Court found that the matter could not be settled and ordered that it be heard on the merits.

    At the most recent hearing the Wife said she was willing to reconcile.  The Husband wanted a three month trial period.  The judge wanted the parties to go out to lunch!  He counseled the parties that “you will be happy together.  In every family there are difference.  You have a young daughter and both of you are software engineers.  But if you separate, don’t think you will have a great time outside.  Nobody will respect both of you.  I have seen the case of two doctors who divorced.  Both did not get good partners later.  You will repent at leisure.”  The court ordered the parties to reappear in a week with their young daughter.

    http://indianlawreview.wordpress.com/2012/09/07/unmarried-lawyers-unfit-to-argue-matrimony-cases/

  • Divorce Void ,Wife Denied to Explain Cruelty,Incorrect Judgement

    A case in the family Court  has dissolved the marriage of a marriage on the petition filed by the Husband accusing his wife of Adultery.

    In the appeal in the High Court of Karnataka, the decision was funny though legal.

    The wife’s argument was that her husband was suffering from Depression, Paranoia and had documents to support her stand.

    The Court decided that the denial of a chance to the wife to explain amounts to cruelty and therefore the dissolution is void.

    May be it is legally correct, thought Right, and it is endorsed by the Indian Lawyer Review.

    Husband is depressed and suffers from Paranoia,wife is reported to be committing adultery.

    What good can come of this relationship if they continue it?

    The logical step for them , according to the judgement -Live together again ‘that too under the circumstances?

    Or separate?

    Whether the a chance is given or not to whom it is given it is clear they can not live together.

    Then what is the point in voiding the Dissolution of the marriage?

    The interesting point is the report is silent as to whether the wife wants to live with her husband.

    Story:

    According to an article in today’s Times of India, the Karnataka High Court has held that being denied a chance to prove an argument amounted to cruelty in a divorce case.  The parties in the case had been granted a divorce by the family court.  The Husband had moved for a divorce on the basis of adultery.  The Wife opposed the motion and sought to prove by medical testimony that the Husband suffered from a “paranoid disorder.”  The High Court cancelled the divorce judgment and ordered the case back to the family court with the direction “to afford an opportunity to both the parties to adduce further evidence, in accordance with the law.”

    The interesting aspect of this case, for foreign readers, is that Indian courts can,  and routinely do, deny a divorce to a party who wishes to have a divorce.  With the advent of no-fault divorce in the West we often forget that in many countries one must still prove a cause for divorce and that getting a divorce is by no means a routine task. There are cases in the paper every week discussing parties who have been attempting to get/opposing a divorce for decades!  Will India ever see no-fault divorce?  That remains to be seen.  In this matter, however, it is good news that one party will be afforded an opportunity to be heard in court.  For that is the very foundation of a justice system.

    http://indianlawreview.wordpress.com/2012/09/07/high-court-finds-it-to-be-cruelty-if-wife-denied-a-chance-to-make-her-argument/