This is an observation by a Lower Court in India and The Higher Court has taken objection to it!
I am surprised.
Women and Men Symbol.
Is quoting a fact of Life condemnable?
I would have understood this stricture coming from a Feminist Group,come to think of it, from a Woman, as if a woman does a favor to Men by indulging in sex and that women are least interested in Sex.
Story:
A man and woman, if left alone, will always go for sexual intercourse.” This is what a Kancheepuram judge said while awarding life imprisonment to a murder accused last year. The judge‘s loose comments have drawn the ire of the Madras high court, which not only acquitted the accused but also decried the judge for arriving at “judicial conclusions purely based on surmises and conjunctures.”
In the March 13, 2012 order sentencing Kattu Raja, a factory watchman, for murdering a co-worker, the district and sessions judge-II of Kancheepuram had said: “A man and woman, if left alone, will always go for sexual intercourse. In this case, the accused and the deceased might have been left alone. At that time, the accused would have advanced sexual overtures towards the deceased. She might have refused. Still there might have been sexual intercourse between them. Again, the accused would have invited her for sexual intercourse, which she would have refused. This would have resulted in an ill-feeling.”
The order was quoted by the HC division bench of Justice K N Basha and Justice S Nagamuthu while acquitting Raja of all charges on April 30. Flaying the sessions judge for such loose comments, the bench said: “These observations of the trial court are based merely on conjectures. It is not understood as to how the court could come to a judicial conclusion that a man and woman, if left alone, will always go for sexual intercourse.”
It had a Professional teaching manners explaining the writer on the above subject.
Manners,
It conveyed the point that women of the day are not being polite as they were before.
They swear too much.
They wear skimpy Dresses.
Women are bitchy at their work place.
Let’s see how women have changed in India in the last 20 years,in my experience.
The first thing that comes to my mind is that they call their Husbands by Name and use Singular in Public which was unthinkable.
I think some of the women of the Day are also uncomfortable, as my daughter confirmed.
This becomes an embarrassment when their small child addresses both byName and Singular!
I have seen them squirm.
Dressing the less they wear, the more ogling eyes, but it leaves the essential of Sex, Mystery!
As a wag remarked ‘a completely Nude woman is an ungainly sight!’
The absence of Coyness and courtship in Love.
I am not too sure how many women know the meaning of the term ‘coy”
The word is nearly dead.
Approaching girl, following her)not stalking) imaging one’s life with her was thrilling and a pleasure.
Now see, take out and ….?
Yet they remain the same.
Usual nagging, not allowing Husband’s relatives as freely as they would theirs,
Comparing their Status with all and sundry including their sisters( brothers are not in this list) and being jealous.
Possessive about their children and Husband.
Taking care of them.
Eternally dissatisfied with their Husband’s their Status.
Accumulation of junk at Home.
On Sexual behavior . I think that it remains the same as it was.
The only difference is that the News is spreads quicker and you have no place to hide!
Story:
“Being a lady today is about the same principles it always was – there are just different expectations,” Hanson explains with a smile. “It’s all about elegance and confidence and the behaviour doesn’t need to be something straight out of a Jane Austen novel.”
In a nutshell – being a lady to Hanson is about treating people with respect, having self respect (so not being drunk and disorderly) and having your own personality – but not being abrupt with people (as he so often thinks people are today). And all of these traits are to be taken into the workplace, instead of the home – which is where the majority of women spend the bulk of their time…..
he thinks that the demise of manners and society’s treatment of each other, has affected men and women equally. Hanson doesn’t long for the days when women were chained to the kitchen sink. He longs for everyone to remember the importance of social grace.
“Manners are all about putting other people at ease and thinking about others,” he says simply. “We have become increasingly selfish as a society.” And it is this vision I can buy into – as I find myself sitting up a little straighter as we talk…
What do women do today that they shouldn’t?
But seriously, what does Hanson think is specifically ‘unladylike’ about modern women’s behaviour today?
“I think women are swearing too much. I think they are drinking too much and I see them regularly falling into gutters on nights out. It’s fine to drink, but not to the point where you can’t control yourself,” he explains. And it is at this point I start to bristle a little.
“I also think women are sharing too much today. I was sat on the train the other day and a woman got on board and began talking very loudly about her private life on her phone. The whole carriage learned everything about her existence.”
He then also shares with me the rules around skirt length. Apparently a lady should never really wear any garment which is comes up higher than the knee. On the knee is fine and so is slightly above – but you must be wearing tights, preferably dark ones…
Hanson assures me the rules of engagement and society that he teaches cross to the place of work – but I am not too convinced on this on. I believe women in the workplace are all too often accused of being hard, or aggressive when trying to get across their points in difficult scenarios – an insult not directed at men – when making similar points in similar tones.
I am assured that the documentary host, Rachel Johnson, shares this concern. How can ‘one’ be a lady and a hard-ass at work – the two don’t seem to mix.
Hanson advises women to always keep their cool and keep their voices controlled in all scenarios. This will always reap the best outcome. But what about passion I counter? What about those moments when you need to row, both at home and in the workplace? Can you still be considered a ‘lady’ if and when you need to fight?
Times of India , in collaboration with IMRB had conducted Survey on Women on the occasion of the Women’s Day and had published the results with its comments.
This survey is reported to have been done in Six Cities of India.
Let’s assume the Survey is scientific ,which I doubt ,because of the sample size area and interpretation.
1.64% of Women feel Unsafe in the City.
2.60 % of Women step out side with company.
When one looks at the figures, it is evident one feels safe if they go out with company
.Only 4% are do not seem to subscribe to this view.
(One never knows whether both the responses are from the same person).
So if you feel safe with company why not opt for it in the interest of your safety.
Complaint about Public Places.
45% say Toilets must be clean.
This applies to men as well.
Cleanliness is not Gender Specific unless if people are not clean.
Under sub clause in the same finding, 42% work for Financial Independence: 12% for Money
So it is all a question of being not committed for the family- “I would like to be independent of every one’-
Translate into common parlance ‘I am not sure of the relationship and I want to be independent’
If the spouse also thinks the same way, then Marriage and Family go out of the window.
Who takes the decision on Big Investments?
39% say Husband.
Wait till you hear this data under the heading.
Who decides on Savings?
Woman decide.
40%
Who decides on method of Contraception?
Women 21%
You decide on savings, contraception and yet say Husband decides on Big Investments.
It is like a man saying ‘I take all major decisions like obeying wife while she does all unimportant things like finance; raising kids!
Either the Survey is skewed, or did not ask the relevant questions ….
Or Women being Women?
What is Women’s Day ,r Mother’s Day, father’s Day?
As if they no longer remain one on the other days!
Times of India and IMRB Survey Report.
Women’s Freedom.
Bangalore is safe, but not safe enough. At least, that seems to be what the majority of women living in the city believe, based on a study commissioned by The Times of India. The study, which is based on a survey of 900 women conducted by IMRB in six cities across the country, looked at various issues faced by women, beginning with safety, services available, gender issues at home and the workplace, health and financial issues. It shows that while women feel relatively safer in Bangalore compared to other cities, in absolute terms, opinions are divided. An overwhelming 64% of the city’s women said they do not feel safe in the city after sunset, and only 17% said they felt safe “at any time of the day.”
Some parts of the city are perceived to be less safe than others. TheMarathahalli Ring Road area, for instance, is perceived to be either “unsafe for women” or “very unsafe for women” by more than a third of those surveyed. “The stretch of Outer Ring Road between Marathahalli and Bellandur, where I live, is definitely underlit and possibly unsafe. The few times I’ve had to wait alone at Marathahalli junction for a bus or auto haven’t been pleasant,” says Ankita Sharma, who works in an HR firm in Brookefield and travels by public transport. Sharma says there are no street lights in this area and the operators of private vehicles soliciting passengers can get rude and hostile. “After the Delhi rape incident, I became especially wary of these private vehicles. I don’t know if any of them have proper licenses and whether the police keeps an eye on them,” she adds.
Other areas where women felt “unsafe” or “very unsafe” included Kengeri Road and the stretch between BEL Road and Vidyaranyapura. Even the morning stroll, so long a part of the Bangalorean’s day, seems to have become fraught. More than half the women (53%) IMRB spoke to felt unsafe during their morning walks. An increasing number of women feel so insecure that they have begun contemplating carrying a weapon – 42% of the respondents said that they “felt the need to carry a weapon/article of self-defence”
1.Those who were sent to Old Age Homes by the Wealthy sons and Daughters.
2.Those who had no body to turn to but economically independent.
3.Those who were economically downtrodden.
In the first category thee were two sub groups, one where the children were abroad and had no intention of returning to India and another where the children are in India and in some cases in the same city where the Elderly have been sent to.
I will be covering the issue in a couple of posts with Statistics.
What struck me first are the Statistics
.* Statistics in this Post are from HelpAge India.
I am also posting Statistics from Other sources.
Elder Abuse
Contrary to popular perception, the sons were the main cause for dumping( I deliberately use the Term) and the verbal abuse of parents, and not the Daughter’s in Law!
56 % of the parents were sent to Old Age Homes because os f sons and 23 % because of Daughters’ in Law.
There is a bland statement to the effect that the husband died and only narration dealing with monetary affairs.
As if a thought had struck that it might not look nice if nothing is spoken about the deceased husband a reference is made to the effect that there is no time for grieving.
Strange Logic.
I am yet to know that you need a separate time allocated and available for grieving.
Me. I lost my wife and Me 38 years ago and I have not slept normally at all for all these years , not withstanding that I have grand children.
I do not remember my wife for what she had done for me or what she would be doing for me if were alive to-day, but the pain of having been separated…well… one has to feel it to understand it.
I am called most unemotional by my children and one with a cold heart.
Be it as may,
I know there are issues to be tackled, especially economic.
And Life Goes On.
Yet to focus only on the economic aspects to the exclusion of the pangs of separation?
I do not know.
May I am a fool.
People who are dead and gone will not return.
I know.
But this attitude?
Is this all Marriage and bonding all about and is this about Valentine’s’ day?
May be this is practical way of Living?!
May be.
What I do know is that even animals forsake their food,especially Monkeys and Elephants , in some cases,die,if they lose their mate.
Are we so advanced not to react humanely?
Have become so obsessed with money to be sanitized from normal human emotions?
Is this Life?
Again I do not know.
I am old-fashioned.
I do not know how to say ‘I Love You’
Nor can I bring myself to say ‘I can not Live with out you’
That’s all I can Say on this story.
For those who know Tamil.
வீடு வரை உறவு வீதி வரை மனைவி …
‘ “கொண்டு வந்தால் தந்தை; கொண்டு வந்தாலும் வராவிட்டாலும் தாய், சீர் கொண்டு வந்தால் சகோதரி, கொலையும் செய்வாள் பத்தினி, உயிர் காப்பான் தோழன்” -தூக்கு தூக்கி ‘
பணத்தின் மீதுதான் பக்தி என்றபின் பந்த பாசமே ஏனடா -கண்ணதாசன் – பழனி
Grieving for the Wife.
Story:
“Few things I learnt after my husband’s death:-
We always believe we will live forever. Bad things always happen to others.
Only when things hit us bang on your head you realise… Life is so unpredictable….
My husband was an IT guy.All Technical. And I am a chartered accountant.
Awesome combination you may think.
Techie guy so everything is on his laptop.His to do list.
His e-bill and his bank statements in his email. He even maintained a folder which said IMPWDS wherein he stored all log in id and passwords for all his online accounts.
And even his laptop had a password.
Techie guy so all the passwords were alpha-numeric with a special character not an easy one to crack.
Office policy said passwords needed to be changed every 30 days.
So every time I accessed his laptop I would realize it’s a new password again.
I would simply opt for asking him ‘What’s the latest password’ instead of taking the strain to memorize it.
You may think me being a Chartered Accountant would means everything is documented and filed properly.
Alas! many of my chartered accountant friends would agree that the precision we follow with our office documents and papers do not flow in to day to-day home life. At office you have been the epitome of Reliability / Competent / Diligent etc but.
At home front there is always a tomorrow.
One fine morning my hubby expired in a bike accident on his way home from office.
He was just 33.
His laptop with all his data crashed.everything on his hard disk wiped off.No folder of IMPWDS to refer back to
.His mobile with all the numbers on it was smashed.But that was just the beginning.
I realised I had a lot to learn.
9 years married to one of the best human beings.with no kids.just the two of us to fall back on.but now I stood all alone and lost.
Being chartered accountant helped in more ways than one but it was not enough.
I needed help.His saving bank accounts, his salary bank accounts had no nominee
.On his insurance his mom was the nominee and it was almost 2 years back she had expired. But this was just a start.
I didn’t know the password to his email account where all his e-bill came.
I didn’t know which expenses he paid by standing instructions.
His office front too was not easy. His department had changed recently.I didn’t know his reporting boss name to start with.when had he last claimed his shift allowance, his mobile reimbursement.
The house we bought with all the excitement on a loan thought with our joint salary we could afford the EMI.
When the home loans guys suggested insurance on the loan.we decided the instead of paying the premium the difference in the EMI on account of the insurance could be used pay towards prepayment of the loan and get the tenure down.
We never thought what we would do if we have to live on a single salary.So now there was huge EMI to look into .
I realised I was in for a long haul.
Road accident case.
So everywhere I needed a Death certificate, FIR report, Post Mortem report.
For everything there were forms running into pages.indemnity bonds.notary.surety to stand up for you.
No objections certificates from your co-heirs.
I learnt other than your house, your land,
Your car, your bike are also your property.
So what if you are the joint owner of the flat.you don’t become the owner just because your hubby is no more.
So what if your hubby expired in the bike accident and you are the nominee but if the bike is in a repairable condition .you have to get the bike transferred in your name to claim the insurance.
And that was again not easy.
The bike or car cannot be transferred in your name without going through a set of legal documents.
Getting a Succession Certificate is another battle all together.
Then came the time you realise now you have to start changing all the bills, assets in your name.
Your gas connection, electricity meter, your own house, your car, your investments and all sundries.
And then change all the nominations where your own investments are concerned.
And again a start of a new set of paperwork.
To say I was shaken.my whole life had just turned upside down was an understatement.
You realise you don’t have time to mourn and grieve for the person with whom you spend the best years of your life
. Because you are busy sorting all the paper work.
I realised then how much I took life for granted
.I thought being a chartered accountant I am undergoing so many difficulties.what would have happened to someone who was house maker who wouldn’t understand this legal hotchpotch.
A sweet friend then told me dear this was not an end.you have no kids.your assets will be for all who stand to claim.after my hubby’s sudden death.I realised it was time I took life more seriously.
I now needed to make a Will.
I would have laughed if a few months back if he had asked me to make one
.But now life had taken a twist.
Lessons learnt this hard way were meant to be shared.
After all why should the people whom we love the most suffer after we are no more.
Sorting some paperwork before we go will at least ease some of their grief.
1. Check all your nominations…
It’s a usual practice to put a name (i.e in the first place if you have mentioned it) and royally forget about it. Most of us have named our parent as a nominee for investments, bank accounts opened before marriage. We have not changed the same even years after they are no longer there with us. Even your salary account usually has no nomination.. Kindly check all your Nominations.
– Bank Accounts
– Fixed Deposits, NSC
– Bank Lockers
– Demat Accounts
– Insurance (Life, Bike or Car or Property)
– Investments
– PF Pension Forms
2. Passwords..
We have passwords for practically everything. Email accounts, Bank accounts, even for the laptop you use. What happens when your next in kin cannot access any of these simply because they do not know your password… Put it down on a paper.
3. Investments.
Every year for tax purpose we do investments. Do we maintain an excel sheet about it. If so is it on the same laptop of which the password you had not shared. Where are those physical investments hard copy.
4. Will.
Make a Will. I know you will smile even I would.had I not gone through all what I did.It would have made my life lot easier.a lot less paperwork.I wouldn’t had to provide an indemnity bond, get it notarised, ask surety to stand up, no objections certificates from others…
5. Liabilities.
When you take a loan say for your house or car.Check out on all the what ifs.what if I am not there tomorrow.what if I lose my job.Will the EMI still be within my range.If not get an insurance on the loan.The people left will not have to worry on something as basic as their own house.
My battles have just begun…But let us at least try to make few changes so that our loved ones would not suffer after we go.We do not know what will happen in the future.
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