There are two schools of thought on the subject of ‘waning interest of Women in Sex’.
One states that women and men lose interest as Passionate Sex is replaced by Compassion Sex.
The other school argues that ‘remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.’
These studies seem to assume that the interest of Men and Women decrease in general and more so in a long term relationship.
Men do not lose interest in Sex but it is true that they lose interest with the same partner or in a long-term relationship.
But women do not admit their interest in Sex remain undiminished save in the circumstances applicable to men.
However, the interest of Both males and Females remain intact or even heightened in new relationships.
The reason is that in Sex mystery and the thrill of exploration heightens the interest.
This is missing in a long Relationship as the thrill, excitement and a sense of exploration is gone.
This is because in a long-term relationship things are taken for granted.
Sex is interesting so long as it is wrapped in mystery and remains seemingly difficult to achieve.
Women , at least in India, tend to neglect this, pay scant attention to their physical attributes and cease to be interesting to men.
In the case of women ,they do get the feeling of being tired and get excited by the prospect of uncharted territory.
The females while taking care of the child, is also interested in producing more offspring in different combinations.
This also applies to Males.
This may sound shocking to some.
But one should not forget that we are animals by definition and Mother Nature wants to propagate Species.
Sexual Health and interest in Sex will be good if one were to treat it as one treat Hunger/ Thirst, as basic instincts.
Only when you attribute values to them it becomes complicated.
Sex in neither sacred nor is it a Sin.
Take it as it is as one would, avoiding what is bad as one would in Food.
Story:
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don’t.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women’s sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. “Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index,” the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. “Some researchers suggest that both men’s and women’s desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love,” said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones — testosterone, specifically — are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women’s desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. “Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy,” she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
“The concept of an absolute level of ‘normal’ or ‘low’ sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one’s partner’s level of desire,” Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. “I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms,” she said.
I posted a blog some time back ‘Man who slept with 1000 women and woman who slept with 1000 men.
Now this piece takes the cake, of a woman accountant,33,who only sleeps with married men( I have been careful in placing the adjective)
Look at her profession as a marriage counsellor!
This might help some to ease their conscience!
Story:
Dee Jones who slept only with married men.
For the past three months, the 33-year-old accountant has been dating attached men — and has no plans to change her ways.
Feeling no guilt, she is unrepentant when it comes to her playgirl lifestyle filled with gifts, lavish meals and no-strings sex.
Here Dee, from Harrow, North London, reveals why she thinks the wives of the married men she dates should be THANKING her rather than feeling angry with her.
Dee says: “There is nothing wrong with what I do. The way I see it, I’m helping the women because the men go home happier. I provide an emotional outlet for men bored by their wives.”
In fact, she jokingly refers to herself as “an alternative marriage counsellor“.
She continues: “As well as satisfying them, I also give the men advice on their failing personal lives. I love the excitement of doing something I shouldn’t.
“And, what’s even better is I can hand them back to their wives when I’m done.”
A “feisty” woman who has never had a problem getting a date, Dee first went out with a taken man about four years ago.
She recalls: “I enjoyed my time with him and, although it came to an end, it didn’t put me off.
“I loved the fact I could be with him when it suited me and I didn’t have to be exclusively with him.”
Finding herself single again in January after a long-term relationship, Dee decided she was going to hunt down more married men to get some excitement back in her life.
She says: “I just wanted some fun — so I typed ‘meet a married man’ into an internet search engine.”
Within minutes, Dee had created an online profile on the website Illicit Encounters and was receiving loads of requests for dates.
She says: “It is so flattering and exciting. I love knowing that all these men want is to take me out and ravish me.”
With no baggage, no strings and no emotional involvement, Dee could have her cake and eat it — at the expense of somebody else.
Shockingly, these types of websites actually facilitate affairs for people who are unhappy in their sex-less relationships but have no intention of leaving their partner.
Career girl Dee is currently seeing three married men “on rotation”.
She explains: “Once a fortnight, the men will take me out to posh restaurants or for drinks in swanky bars — I even cook dinner for one of them at my house.”
When you marry,which is a biological,emotional and spiritual (for believers) necessity, you have to be flexible,understanding and be ready to make compromises in any relationship,let alone marriage.
As an individual with so called self expansion and self space, one forgets the other individual with whom one enters into a relationship also has same aspirations and expectations of you.
No two personalities shall match.
Relation ship is all about understanding and Life a itself is adaptation to environment and people.
Analyses like the one provided in the study published here tend to encourage people to be egocentric and make their life miserable.
What in effect is ‘I will do what I want, if you want you can join, or forget it’ attitude.
In the long run , it hurts the individual who has these tendencies.
“A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons….
But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage…”
Happiness is a State of mind . it does not depend on others.
Story:
“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs theInterpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”
The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.
To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)
While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
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