This has gone to such an extent hat parents of children , even about 4, start planning the Career of their wards, by constantly talking in front of the child, in some cases asking the child to repeat what the parents say about the child’s future and goals.
The Child also repeats without knowing the meaning of what it says.
This gets implanted in the mind of the child.
This becomes an obsession in the later years and the child grows into an adult without having an option to weigh the options available.
Unfortunately the parents may change the goal they set for their child.
This will not be accepted by the child , it rebels at the Adolescent Age and continues in Adulthood.
As Adults they are forced .especially by the Society to set goals for themselves indirectly.
But it is imposed on them by the Corporate, by dangling Economic benefits Salary, perks.
A corporate has its Agenda, Namely Profit, nothing more.
All this talk of attitudes, behavioral suggestions ,Career optimization.. have a single goal, that of making money for the company.
Lured by the tempting offers, children and parents plan their lives accordingly.
Unfortunately Life is not merely about earning Money.
It has more to it.
Life is multifaceted.
One has to accept things in Life as they come.
One can not wait for one event to end to begin another as is said’ One can never take a Bath in the Ocean after the waves cease”
Choosing a Career is important, so is marriage,
Sacrificing one for another is a step but one must have the mental maturity to adjust.
Alternately one must know how to balance both the options.
I am coming across stories where youngsters committing suicides for failing in examinations,Failure in Love Life,unable to adjust to marital issues .
Weirdest is a recent case reported in The Times of India dtd 7 July 2013,(page 3, Bangalore edition), where a girl. 22,is reported to have committed suicide because her parents arranged for her wedding while she wanted to pursue her studies.
If parents and children were to understand Relationships,Behavior and about Careers (for this case),, they would not have resorted to these stupid decisions like ending life.
It is my experience that people tend to discard opinions f the others who are close to them but trust Books.
Goal setting is to be voluntary, not forced, nor induced.
Let the individuals decide;the parents must remain as Just Moderators to guide them without bias.
Madurai of Date is different from the Madurai mentioned in Tamil Literature of The Sangam period.(Madurai of the present is mentioned in the last Sangam Era-Kadai Sangam)
The first Madurai, it is recorded was in the Lemuria Continent along with Kapadapuaram, both were washed away by ,possibly Tsunami.
We Madurai pf the present was known, in the earlier times as , Vada Madurai.
We do have a Vada Madurai and Mana Madurai in Siva Ganga District of Tamil Nadu.
While the former’s etymology is not known, Mana Madurai seems to have derived its name from.,Maru Madurai-the other Madurai(the starting letter being M).
Madurai is known not only for Meenakshi Amman Temple, Vandiyur Mariamman .Tirumalai Naicker Mahal and Jasmine Buds.
Less known , but unique features are ‘Stores”, S’eaMoss Drink’
It was and is common to have families of India living in a big House separated by walls into many small portions to Live.
These Homes are called ‘Nestling Homes” Ondik Kudiththanam’.
These were / are located near the Big Street and the Parthasarathy Temple, where ,hold your breath, even 10 to 15 families Live in a small House.
Madurai had ( does it have now Homes of this nature some 50 years back.
They were called ‘Stores’
It is generally a long corridor of a construction, where minimum 15 families lived.
The Store had a Common Hand Pump,located outside the house , on the platform(kerb) and eater had to be taken from here, including for Drinking.
There used to be a maximum of one Toilet for the entire 15 families.
The area of each House (?) was about 125 to 150 square feet.
People never used to lock their Houses in the night even!
At nights they used to sleep on a cot on the pavement outside the house in winter and during Summer erected a Thatched Roof on the pavement, called Pandal‘(made of dried Coconut Tree leaves ) .
Any function of any house is your House function.
So are the tragedies.
If you were sick or unable to cook or if guests arrive unannounced, you had your neighbors to take care of food.
If your guests did not have sufficient sleeping space at your house, do not worry, neighbors were there.
That’s Living.
We now have Flat system where one does not know who lives the next door, all Flats’ doors are closed and bolted throughout the day; if you try wishing them they give you a reprehensible look and if you are lucky, a reluctant smirk!
The other thing Madurai is famous is Sea Moss(they claim so) Cool Drink.
It is very cool( I am not using the term in the modern usage where it denotes anything between amazing, astonishing, slow don, but the dictionary meaning or has it also changed?) and invigorating.
The other one is road side eateries ares on the pavements in front of the house.
A Pavement Eatery,Madurai
Those who do this are not professional Hoteliers, but house wives.
The Idli of Madurai Road side eateries are to be tried to be believed for softness and taste.
Added to that minimum eight chutney of different combinations , apart from Gunpowder and Gingelly Oil.
The Food is available through out the night, in fact the sleeps.
Though they are good, they are not anywhere near what they were!
Preparation of Jigar Thanda.
Things needed: 1. Milk 2. China Grass (Commonly known as “Kadal Paasi” in Tamil) 3. Sarsaparilla syrup (Commonly known as “Nannaari Syrub” in Tamil) 4. Ice-cream (Vanila flavour is Ideal)
Steps: 1. Boil the milk till it reduce to half in volume. This is to increase the thickness of milk which will add good taste to the recipe. When milk turns into pale yellow colour then it is the indication that the milk has been brought to good condition. Now remove from boiling and let it come to room temperature. Then refrigerate this for a while. 2. Soak the china grass (Mostly available in many super markets) in water for about 3 hours. After 3 hours it will look like pieces of jellies. Now take out the china grass from water. 3. Now take a glass – Pour milk up to half of the glass – Mix well the sarsaparila syrub and china grass with milk – Finally put a scoop of vanila ice-cream on top – Enjoy the drink.
Note: 1. Badam pisins may be substituted for china grass. 2. Rose syrup is predominantly used in many shops instead of sarsaparilla syrub.
Sugar – 1 cup (you can add less sugar if you please) or alternatively u can add half a tin of *Milkmaid(tm) this will reduce the cooking time of the milk and give it the faint pink color soon.
Nannari – 1 tbsp (Available in syrup form in Ayurvedic shops) / Rose syrup – 1 tbsp
Ice cream – 1 scoop for one glass,
Sago(javarishi / sabudana) – 1 small cup soaked in water for 2–3 hours
Boil the milk in a saucepan, till it turns slightly pink.
In case you are using milkmaid then check for sugar, if you need more sweet you can add sugar to taste and stir until it dissolves and when the mik turns slightly pink, switch off the gas.
Allow it to come to room temperature and then refrigerate it.
Take some hot milk (from the milk we boiled with sugar/ milkmaid) from the saucepan and add in another vessel, Add the sago to this milk and cook till the sago becomes transparent.
Switch off the gas.
Keep this separately and refrigerate it.
Prepare the Agar Agar Jelly and keep the cubes ready accordingly.
Take a tall glass tumbler, pour one ladle of the cool milk with the sago, ensuring that there is enough sago at the bottom of your glass.
Add 1 tablespoon of the Agar Agar (China Grass) jelly that u have cut into cubes and kept.
Add the nannari syrup, if nannari is not available you can also add rose syrup which is commonly available, Rose is also known for its cooling properties if consumed.
Now pour the boiled cool milk on top of all this leaving just quarter of a space in the tumbler.
Top it up with a scoop of ice cream.
To add a special touch to your jigar thanda add a tablespoon of Theretti pal or Paal Khoa.
Ingredients for the Idli Batter:
2 cups of par-boiled ponni rice
1 cup of whole, husked urad dal / ulutham paruppu / uzhunnu parippu
1/4 tsp of fenugreek seeds / menthayam / uluva
A handful of cooked rice
Salt to taste
How to Make Idlis:
1. Soak the rice and dal separately, the dal for about an hour and the rice for about 4 hours. Add the fenugreek seeds to the urad dal while soaking.
2. Grind the urad dal first, with just enough water to grind it to a smooth paste. Once done, remove and set aside.
3. Next, grind the soaked rice. When its almost done but still grainy, add the cooked rice and salt. Grind until smooth and add to the already ground urad dal.
4. Fold together until well combined. Leave in a warm place undisturbed for atleast 8 hours or overnight. Leave enough room in the vessel for the batter to ferment and rise.
5. Once fermented and risen, mix well to let all the air bubbles to escape and the batter to come together well. Don’t overbeat, and if its too thick, add a little water. For idlis, the batter should be slightly thick but of pouring consistency.
6. Pour into oiled indli moulds and steam for not more than 12 minutes. Overcooking idlis can result in very hard idlies and a dry crust on top. Its better to undercook them even, but make sure you don’t overcook idlis.
It is recommended that you express your feelings to others.
It so happens that I am brought up in an environment where not much of expression of emotion was encouraged and the examples were set my Father and other menfolk.
My father was of such a disposition, that when his father died, the body was in laid out in the Hall of the house in the Hindu manner, and there was my father reclining , apparently non nonchalantly in an armed chair rocking gently.
I was about 15 then.
I asked him as to why he did not cry for his father’s death.
He replied,
‘If some one can guarantee that my father will come back alive if I cry, I shall.
No amount of tears will bring him back.
So why cry?
On another occasion when my other was lying in bed seriously afflicted with Cancer, I was half asleep around by 100 am.
My father woke me up gently and told me,
‘Your Mother is dead, now go to sleep’
I was shocked.
it is a different matter that my father who was nearly 110 kgs came down to bout 70 kgs in a matter of six months after my mother’ death.
In another instance, when my father heard the news of my first wife’s death from me, he did not react; he stood numb and promptly lost his power of hearing.
Not that he did not feel, only that he did not find it necessary to express his anguish or feelings as, in his opinion, it is unnecessary.
For him , his feelings are best with in himself.
He did not seek other’s approval of his Love for others such out ward expressions.
Before his death he told me ,
‘Some times, I think it is necessary that you let the others know what you feel to make them feel good.
There is nothing wrong, now I realize.
Ensure that your emotions are genuine , not artificial .
True.
I am guilty of the same failing.
Well it is difficult to change at my age.
To be happy and make others happy, it is necessary to express one’s feelings.
And avoid thinking for them, including offering advice.
Now we seem to be doing the reverse,
Thinking for other,not expressing the feelings for them.
There is a saying in Tamil ‘Setting Home afire to get rid of Bed Bugs’ to denote extreme measures to counter minor problem.
Bed Bug.I think some one has really done this.
WOODBURY, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey house fire is being blamed on a homeowner’s battle against bedbugs.
A county spokeswoman says the homeowner in the southern New Jersey town of Woodbury was using a space heater, a hair dryer and a heat gun Tuesday to try to eradicate the pests in a second-floor bedroom. The combination sparked a fire.
The federal Environmental Protection Agency says very high, sustained heat can kill bedbugs, but raising the temperature with the thermostat or space heaters won’t do the job. It says special equipment is needed.
Woodbury Fire Marshal Joseph Buono tells WPVI-TV in nearby Philadelphia that quick Internet remedies for killing bedbugs are a “catastrophe in the making.” He says the afflicted should “call the professionals.”
Lauren Sanders makes some observations on the ‘Only Child’
‘Only Child’
I am sharing my views on this subject and her observation are provided after that.
I was the last child for my Parents.My sister and brothers were old enough to be my Parents , they were married before I was born and were living in other cities from our Home.
1. I was brought up, for all practical purposes, as ‘only Child” ,It is not necessary for parents to have another child to make a child ‘only child’,it is the way he is brought up.
I am amazed at the fuss my Daughter and daughter in law make and the efforts they put up in bringing up children,
My son and son-in-law are not far behind.
My parents did not spend ‘quality time, as fancy terms indicate, with me.
I used to take food as it was given to me without any attempt to feed me(after I was Three),went to school on my own without parent’s accompanying and generally did what a child is expected of, playing on the street till called Home(from 630 am to 8,430 pm to six pm).
I never felt alone and was always busy.
Never have i felt that I was being brought up differently.
I am given to understand that I mix with people freely and easy to get along with.
But as Myth would have it I should have been an introvert, reserved and difficult to get along with; I am not.
This nails the myth that ‘only child’ is lonely, difficult to get on along with and is prone for maladjustment later in Life.
2.I have not been pampered.
I f I want something I used to ask my mother, which will be conveyed to my father,by her.
If he can not afford it, he would call me and say that he could not afford it.
My tantrums would be of no avail.
This has not made me adamant and cantankerous in my later Life.
3.Being the ‘only child’ has not made me any more selfish than any other child.
I am selfish as any other child and my daughter tells me I am selfish especially in Food, when I fight for Ice cream and chocolates with my Grandson, 4!
4.I had no idea what ‘shared strength’ is all about. till I heard the term recently.
The fact that Parents have more children does not make them to share less with children no dor parents Love one child the less.
This feeling is an illusion , for Love can not be quantified.
However it is a fact that parents do have a special fondness for a particular child, not that they love the other children less,
In general, I have seen fathers more attached emotionally to their Daughters.
In fact a Man sees his Mother in his daughter,
I do not know about Women.
5.It is a contradiction to observe that the eldest child gets priority in a Home and in some Homes the youngest’ it is the things are.
In short I am of the conviction that Children and emotions are not quantifiable and any conclusions based on these assumptions are incorrect and sends a wrong message to Parents.
Story:
The three biggest myths, she says, turn into one word — lonelyselfishmaladjusted — when people talk about us, despite the hundreds of studies that show only children are no different than people with siblings. It is a knowledge gap with consequences. The stereotypes “are really infringing on the lives of parents and especially mothers,” Sandler says. “They have their first kid for them and a second for the other kid. If the reason they’re doing that is that only children are somehow screwed up, then the reasoning is flawed.”
As I dared to exhale, she laid out the facts:
1. Only children are not lonely. This is true, but with a few qualifications. School-aged only children are not lonelier. However, those in rural areas might be somewhat more so, and adolescent onlys get lonely because they are teenagers. And grown-up only children coping with the needs and then the loss of aging parents do tend to feel more isolated than others in the same boat. “For me, personally, it is not a reason to have another kid,” Sandler says, “just so my kid has a sibling when I die.”
2. Only children are not more selfish than other people. Instead, Sandler says, “we become generous and respectful people. We put a lot of weight on our relationships. We tend to be very giving friends, and we are no more narcissistic than anyone else. For some reason, researchers cannot believe this, and just keep testing.
3. Only children are not all spoiled. At least, no more spoiled than any other child might be. “There is a notion that only children are spoiled because they get everything their parents have to give,” Sandler says, “and end up with the pony in the backyard and the diamond tiara and have a snit when they don’t get what they want. That’s not my kid. It wasn’t me.”
4. Only children are not maladjusted. “All of the data around that shows us that as long as kids go to school they’re socialized,” Sandler says. “I tend to be the person throwing a party. I bought a house with friends.”
5. Only children do have shared strengths. High achievement, intelligence and self-esteem. Raised in a “rich verbal environment” we talk a lot — and with depth. But, Sandler says, just as preventing “lonelyselfishmaladjusted” is not a reason to have a second child, improving your child’s SAT score is not a reason to stop at one.
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