Ramanisblog

Tag: Parenting

  • Parents View Of Children Around The World

    This is how the parents around the world describe their children.

    There is no entry for India.

    What would it be?

    I would say ‘Happy,Family oriented,Has values,Informed and reasonably responsible for their age”

    How about my readers view?

    In general,I have seen parents judging their children harshly forgetting what or how they were of their children’s age!

    Parents' View of Children
    Parents’ View of Children

     

    If you ask American moms, we are raising a nation of baby Einsteins. Here’s what one parent had to say about the intelligence of her 3-year-old, which was apparent to her from the very first moments of her life:

    “I have this vivid memory when she was born of them taking her to clean her off … And she was looking all around … She was alert from the very first second … I took her out when she was six weeks old to a shopping mall to have her picture taken — people would stop me and say, “What an alert baby.” One guy stopped me and said, “Lady, you have an intelligent baby there.” … And it was just something about her. She was very engaging and very with the program, very observant. She’s still fabulously observant.”

    The biggest difference between American parents and their counterparts in Europe might be that they are far more relaxed about enrichment than we are, according to a study released this week by Sara Harkness and Charles M. Super at the School of Family Studies at the University of Connecticut.

    Not only are Americans far more likely to focus on their children’s intelligence and cognitive skills, they are also far less likely to describe them as “happy” or “easy” children to parent.

    “The U.S.’s almost obsession with cognitive development in the early years overlooks so much else,” Harkness told Slate.

    For part of their research, the authors focused just on parents in the United States and the Netherlands. The differences are stark: American parents emphasized setting aside “special time” with each of their children, while Dutch parents spent a few hours each day together with their kids as an entire family.

    American parents said they struggled to manage the sleep schedules of their babies and young children, explaining that they try to entertain or distract them when they wake up in the middle of the night. As one American dad says:

    “We both have different strategies. She’ll put him in the walker down here and I generally put him in the playpen and try to keep him somewhat entertained, either by the TV or he loves the stereo.”

    Compare this to Dutch parents, who emphasized plenty of rest and regular schedules for their kids (and, by extension, themselves), and somehow end up inducing their offspring to sleep more:

    “Many parents stressed the importance of a regular schedule, including a set time for both meals and bed. As one mother of an 18-month-old explained: ‘To bed on time, because they really need rest to grow, and regularity is very important when they are so little. If she gets too little rest, she is very fussy.’ A mother of a 6-month-old commented, ‘We are very strict about going to bed – at 6:30, upstairs.’”

    Apparently, it works. The authors noted that the children of Dutch parents were consistently more calm, existing more frequently in a state of “quiet alert,” while American babies were more often “actively alert.”

    “The higher state of arousal of the American babies corresponded to differences in their mothers’ behavior: the American mothers touched and talked to their babies more than the Dutch mothers did,” the authors note.

    But beyond sleep schedules, Americans also seem preoccupied with their children’s smarts from an extremely young age.

    The researchers compiled a list of the attributes that 60 families in six different countries used to describe their children, which you can see at the top of the page.

    American parents were the only ones to consistently mention their children’s advanced intellect, while other countries focused on qualities like “happiness,” being “easy” to manage, or the even more zen-like “well-balanced,” in Italy. (Italians also used the word simpatico, a group of characteristics suggesting social and emotional competence).

    http://qz.com/74136/charts-how-parents-around-the-world-describe-their-children/

  • The ‘Sex Education Syllabus’

    Recently the Government of India has proposed the age of consensual Sex from 18 years to 16 Years.

    It is also talking about ‘Sex education ‘ to children.

    This has sparked off a controversy.

    The Elite(?) are for Sex Education while the other Group opposing it.

    What is Sex Education?

    Let’s see  its Definition.

    Burt defined sex education as the study of the characteristics of beings; a male and female.[1] Such characteristics make up the person’s sexuality. Sexuality is an important aspect of the life of a human being and almost all the people including children want to know about it.[citation needed] Sex education includes all the educational measures which in any way may of life[clarification needed]that have their center on sex. He further said that sex education stands for protection, presentation extension, improvement and development of the family based on accepted ethical ideas. Leepson sees sex education as instruction in various physiological, psychological and sociological aspects of sexual response and reproduction.[2] Kearney also defined sex education as “involving a comprehensive course of action by the school, calculated to bring about the socially desirable attitudes, practices and personal conduct on the part of children and adults, that will best protect the individual as a human and the family as a social institution. Thus, sex education may also be described as “sexuality education”, which means that it encompasses education about all aspects of sexuality, including information about family planning, reproduction (fertilization, conception and development of the embryo and fetus, through to childbirth), plus information about all aspects of one’s sexuality including: body image, sexual orientation, sexual pleasure, values, decision making, communication, dating, relationships, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and how to avoid them, and birth control methods.[3] Various aspect of sex education are to right[clarification needed] in school depending on the age of the students or what the children are able to comprehend at a particular point in time. Rubin and Kindendall expressed that sex education is not merely a unit in reproduction and teaching how babies are conceived and born. It has a far richer scope and goal of helping the youngster incorporate sex most meaningfully into his present and future life, to provide him with some basic understanding on virtually every aspect of sex by the time he reaches full maturity.[4](Wiki)

    Shorn of jargon, it is about teaching what Sex is about.

    You may notice the definition needs ‘citation’ for sensuality.

    If you can not define what sexuality is, which I am sure we can not define as we can hunger and other instincts,how does one go about it?

    Sensuality and Sex appeal are the fundamentals of Sex.

    Sex education includes all the educational measures which in any way may of life[clarification needed]that have their center on sex

    Sex Education in Schools.
    Sex Education in Schools.

    * Look at the expression in the Image above!

    Same confusion in definition.

    About

     family planning,

     reproduction (fertilization, conception and development of the embryo and fetus, through to childbirth),

    plus information about

    all aspects of one’s sexuality including:

    body image,

     sexual orientation,

    sexual pleasure,

     values,

     decision-making,

     communication,

    dating,

    relationships,

    sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

    and how to avoid them,

    body image

     

     and birth control.

     

    fertilization, conception and development of the embryo and fetus, through to childbirth.

    The topics  are  taught in Biology already.

    Now Communication is taught as a Soft Skill or they talking about intercourse being taught in Communication Skill?

    So is decision making.

    Onto Sexual Pleasures and Orientation.

    How do you explain Sexual Pleasure ?

    That ‘Straight Sex’ is more pleasurable than , say gay Sex,Lesbianism, Sadism,BDSM, Fellatio and other designated Perversions?

    Wait, people might take objection to my grouping gay sex and lesbianism  with perversions for most countries have legalized it.

    How does one compare?

    By trying out each one of them?

    And how do you decide which age group can understand what?

    under the guise of Sex Education what is about to happen is the detailed Illustration of all perverse sexual activities and a suggestion that it might not be good for the individual and the Society, in the passing.

    Absolute rubbish.

    If people want to delude , by introducing Sex education  they would be barring the Sex Information available on the Internet, …well and in fact give the children all the Information under one head with official legal sanction!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuality_education

    Related:

    A government review has, as expected, ruled that sex education in schools will from 2011 be taught as part of the personal, social, health and economic (PSHE) curriculum. This means that children will learn about sex in the broader context of relationships, homosexuality, marriage, civil partnerships, divorce and abortion, rather than simply as the biological facts of puberty and reproduction formerly taught in science classes. This new form of sex education will also become the norm in both primary and secondary schools, and for children aged 15 and up, it will be compulsory, regardless of parental objection.

     

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/05/sex-education-schools-compulsory

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  • Birth Cleansing Rites Hinduism

    Birth Cleansing Rites Hinduism

    Let us look at the uncleanliness that arises out of death and Birth in detail.

    As many people from India are settled abroad, leaving their kith and kin including parents(mainly parents, in some case care of Glorified Orphan’s Home called Retirement Homes,by settling monthly Bills),  here is some information for them .

    If Soothaka, that is the Uncleanliness out of Birth in the Family or if theRrites are not performed or the period of Uncleanliness remain unobserved, there is nothing to worry.

    But if it is Asaucham ,that is because of death, days of Uncleanliness is to be observed for the period equivalent normally prescribed, from the Date of hearing the news of Death it attracts Structure in Sastras.

    This applies even when a Sraddha, annual ceremony  conducted, is due for parents.

    Uncleanliness Period for Birth.

    No period of Uncleanness is to be observed after Ten days.

    For The Child’s Mother.

    30 Days if the Child is Male and 40 Days if Female.

    After this period the Mother has to wear a new Mangalya Sutra,take a Panchakavyand start handling vessels and enter into household duties.

    Note:

    During Asaucha period,only  Snanam (Bath) and Sandhyavandhana can be performed.

    Other duties like Surya namaskaram,Aupaasanam( DailyFire Worship),Brahma Yagnam.Deva Pooja,Dhaana and Prathigraha should be performed after the 13 th Day.

    After this period,the Mother has to wear a new Mangalya Sutra,take a Panchakavyand start handling vessels and enter into house hold duties.

    Note:

    During Asaucha period,only  Snanam (Bath) ans Sandhyavandhana can be performed.

    Other duties like Surya namaskaram,Aupaasanam( DailyFire Worship),Brahma Yagnam.Deva Pooja,Dhaana and Prathigraha should be performed after the 13 th Day.

    Source.

    V.Soma Deav Sharma.

    Vaidhyanatha Dheekshideeyam’Aasaucha Kaandam.

    Soul Immortal Body Dies Why Sraddha Pinda?

    Though the body ceases to exist, the remnants of actions performed, Desired do not cease even after death.

    The thoughts remain as energy once created can not be destroyed and Thoughts and Thought processes are Energy.

    They have to be expended.

    Till such time the Subtle body remains.

    The Subtle Body is called as Sukshma…

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    Gaya Srardham Pindas Tharpana Sastrigal Details

    Performance of Srardham or obeisance to ancestors and visit to Kasi/Varanasi is a most sacred duty of the Hindus. Performing the prescribed Rites for the departed as laid by ht e Sastras is an important aspect of Hinduism. Locating the Sastris or Vadhyar in both the places is an arduous task. Not that the Sastrigals…

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  • ‘Children Space’, Parental Space, Sheer Non Sense

    There has been a lot of talk on child rearing now ,which has not been discussed in the past.

     

    We have Behavioral Psychologists, Child Psychologists , Student Counselors and the list is long.

     

    So are the problems from feeding an infant to Adolescent behavior.

     

    I have come across this phrase quite often now.

    Children playing in the open, India
    Children playing in the open, India

     

    ‘Children‘s Space”

     

    For the uninitiated  it means that the child has a world of its own and we, as Adults know nothing about and we need to train ourselves to communicate with them!

     

    This applies more to Parents.

     

    I do fail to understand.

     

    Admitting that the child has a ‘Space, our world is different , we need to ‘get down to their world’ to get to know them, how can we help them grow into the world?

     

    By going down to their level, we will be acting and guiding them from their stand point.

     

    Right?

     

    In that case am I not entering into the adult world, am I not assuming the role of an Adult at least while guiding them?

     

    How do I tell them what is Right and Wrong?

     

    Do I tell them or not?

     

    And how do I tell them?

     

    By kissing them as a child would and lisp ‘we should not do it’ and the child will follow?

     

    If I have to do it,I have to do it as a parent,.

     

    The child is an extension of Me.

     

    The Society and the highly qualified Doctors not withstanding, I know my child better and I have a better interest in their welfare.

     

    Aside…

     

    Many of the Specialists’ Children, I know,  have all the problems, including what they treat  our children for and more than  us idiots’   normal children,  have.

     

    In the process, what has happened to my Parental Space?

     

    Dealing with Physical Disease one thing, I am not qualified,but emotional and value systems, I have a better interest and motivation.

     

    Our patents knew nothing of these . nor did I do any of these.

     

    I am alright and so are my children.

     

    Before any Specialist jumps the Gun, I am Graduate in Psychology, but I have learnt that it is an evolving attempt to understand the Psyche of Man  and nothing more.

     

    Excepting in extreme disorders,the role of a Psychologist is limited to the extent of drugging and suppressing symptoms.

     

    Has Psychology defined ‘Intelligence,Personality,Personality Traits, Abnormality?’

     

    At best Psychology describes these, at worst non sense.

     

    We will not have any problem with the children, if Only,

     

    Parents know to stay together in marriage,

     

    Do not Drink,

     

    Live with elders in the family,

     

    Have regular and clean habits,

     

    Good values in Life,

     

    Do not send children to school at the age of # 3,

     

    Force them to do things which are beyond them,

     

    Send them to all Courses from Karate to Dancing,

     

    Allow them to play in the open and do not lock them up in an apartment,

     

    We watch TV and ask them not to watch…..!

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Praising Kids And Effects

    Today modern parenting seems to suggest that children need motivation and need to be praised periodically.

    This principle is extended to Adults as well..

    Praising Children.
    Praising Children.

    The habit of praising becomes a routine and it is recited as though by rote.

    The funny habit of saying ”I Love you’ to spouse ritualistically daily every day more often at a fixed time with more or some similar phrases like ‘you look great’ sounds silly and insincere.

    If it were to look silly to the observer , how much would it sound it to the person involved.!

    This indiscriminate and insincere ritualistic praise heaped on the children spoil the children.

     

    Be objective and praise the child when to.

     

    Simple method to know whether your Praise  for children is insincere, check whether you become aware of it.

     

    If yes, your praise is Insincere.

     

    Let me quote a  Sanskrit saying.

     

    Treat the Child as you would a King till 5 years,

     

    As a Slave till 15  and

     

    A Friend  after 15 .

     

     

    “For example, suppose that Adam loves to eat broccoli. But every time he eats broccoli, his mom praises him for it. Consciously or unconsciously, Adam starts to question his motivation. Is he eating broccoli only for the praise? Adam changes his attitude toward broccoli-eating. It’s a chore, not a pleasure. If the praise ends, Adam loses interest in eating broccoli.

    Does this sort of thing really happen? It’s been well-documented in cases where people are given tangible rewards each time they perform a particular behavior (e.g., giving your child some money each time he eats broccoli). The feedback appears to re-set a person’s attitude (Lepper and Henderlong 2000).

    There’s less research showing that social rewards—like praise—can produce the same effect. However, a recent brain study reveals that social rewards (like praise) and tangible rewards (like money) activate the same regions of the brain (Izuma et al 2008). And a food-tasting experiment performed on children found that praise, like tangible rewards, made kids like a food less (Birch et al 1984).

    But the key point seems to be that praise must be given every time, so that kids expect to be praised for the behavior .

    When praise is unexpected or spontaneous, it remains a powerful motivating force.

    So this doesn’t mean we can’t—or shouldn’t—praise our children for good behavior or a job well done. But suggests we should be cautious about overriding our kids’ natural sources of motivation.

    At first blush, it might seem like a good idea to praise kids for out-performing their peers. After all, research has shown that such social-comparison praise enhances a child’s motivation and enjoyment of a task (see review in Henderlong and Lepper 2002)

    If their competitive edge slips, kids are likely to lose motivation.

    In essence, kids who are accustomed to social-comparison praise become poor losers.

    Consider this experiment on American 4th and 5th graders (Corpus et al 2006). Kids were given a set of puzzles to complete and received either

    • social-comparison praise

    • mastery praise (i.e., comments about how the child had mastered the task)

    OR

    • no praise at all

    Next, kids completed a second task. This time they were left without clear feedback about how they’d done.

    How did this uncertainty affect each child’s motivation?

    It depended on what kind of praise kids had received earlier. Those who had received social comparison praise suffered a loss of motivation. But kids who had received mastery praise showed enhanced motivation.

    In other words, a history of social-comparison praise backfires the minute kids stop hearing that they’ve outperformed their peers.

    http://www.parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise.html

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