Recently I shared a few of my posts on Elderly abuse by their children to Facebook Communities of which I am a member.
This is the Post.
https://ramanisblog.in/2013/10/02/parents-in-elderly-home-children-to-be-shamed/
I was happy and sad at the same time .
Happy because the post generated a lot of discussion with members speaking out with out inhibition.
Sad because it revealed to me the malaise that is eating our Society.
Though the views of the communities need not reflect the views of all the other Communities in general, this particular community views are taken as a model for others despite their bashing this Community.
During the course of the discussions I came across views, which I will sum up as it would be unethical to post them direct here.
1.All agree that there is this problem of leaving the elderly in Old Age Homes
.2.The elderly also prefer it.
3.This, from the trend and profiles I could gleam, seems to be from NRI .( parents of NRIs and the parents themselves)
4.It is my impression that there seems to be communication disconnect between the Parents and the Children.
5.Children do want to keep them at Home.
6.Sad was a comment the children is ‘an Insurance for parents’ posted by a Parent.
7.Equally appalling was a comment that “Parents are incorrigible and make the Life of Children Hell”
I have posted my views in the group discussion.
Then there was a question of Duty of Sons (No body spoke about daughters!)
The point is that where was this problem, say 40 years ago?
Agreed that we had differences at Homes with parents with us, we never thought that ‘they were living with us’ rather’ we were living in a Home’
Tiffs are always sorted out,
Then why so now?
1.People have gone after monetary values alone.
Parents want their sons to go abroad , especially the US for Higher Studies and Jobs.
When they get a Green Card, the parents feel that they own the world.
Forgetting that the values and the standard of Living shall make sure that they do not return.
If you have sent your child abroad you should be prepared for it.
Alternately, you should stay with them there.
If you a can not stay because you want to come to your Native place, then you have no other option but to stay here alone or in an Old Age Home.
You can not blame the children for it.
Not that you need not send your children abroad, but only that you should have the maturity to handle the consequences.
2.Interfering in Grown up children’s day-to-day affairs.
Many elderly do resort to this as a sign of showing their control of the Household.
It produces the opposite reaction.
You have run the family for nearly 30 t0 40 years and you have taught , or you thought you had taught your children to face Life,.
Why not leave them be?
What could they do?
They might make mistakes. like you and I ( should this be ‘Me’) have made when we were young, or for that matter even now.
Why not admit that the younger generation may be, in fact, is more intelligent in handling practical Life than we did?
Let them run the family the way they want.
If you have brought them up well and proper they would have the basic Morals alright.
That would do.
Not the silly expectation of them coming to you and submitting their account and informing you where they are gong and what they are doing.
We have run our Race,
Let the Relay race run.If you run along the relay runner, you Team, The Family, will lose.
Elders need to handle this with maturity.
2.For Children.
Parents are not your enemies.
They say and do hings for you, they may not know to how to go about saying or doing it.
Do not suspect their Love or their concern for you.
They are not Incorrigible.
These incorrigible idiots made you into what you are to-day, even enabling you to speak this way.
The value of parents will be known when they are no more.
Only Parents love you for what You are.-with all your warts.
Others for What You have.
PS.I have not touched the actual Physical and mental abuse of Parents here.
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