Ramanisblog

Tag: Parent

  • Set Goals Die

    There is this fad of setting goals for one’s Life.

    Goal Setting.
    Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – See more at: http://thewirelessincome.com/how-to-do-goal-setting-to-have-fun-and-achieve-them#sthash.vrfQGUKq.dpuf

    This has gone to such an extent hat parents of children , even about 4, start planning the Career  of their wards, by constantly talking in front of the child, in some cases asking the child to repeat what the parents say about the child’s future and goals.

    The Child also repeats without knowing the meaning of  what it says.

    This gets implanted in the mind of the child.

    This becomes an obsession in the later years and the child grows into an adult without having an option to weigh the options available.

    Unfortunately the parents may change the goal they set for their child.

    This will not be accepted by the child , it rebels at the Adolescent Age and continues in Adulthood.

    As Adults they are forced .especially by the Society to set goals for themselves indirectly.

    But it is imposed on them by the Corporate, by dangling Economic benefits Salary, perks.

    A corporate has its Agenda, Namely Profit, nothing more.

    All this talk of attitudes, behavioral suggestions ,Career optimization.. have a single goal, that of making money for the company.

    Lured by the tempting offers, children and parents plan their lives accordingly.

    Unfortunately Life is not merely about earning Money.

    It has more to it.

    Life is multifaceted.

    One has to accept things in Life as they come.

    One can not wait for one event to end to begin another as is said’ One can never  take a Bath in the Ocean after the waves cease”

    Choosing a Career is important, so is marriage,

    Sacrificing one for another is a step but one must have the mental maturity to adjust.

    Alternately one must know how to balance both the options.

    I am coming across stories where youngsters committing suicides for failing in examinations,Failure in Love Life,unable to adjust to marital issues .

    Weirdest is a recent case reported in The Times of India dtd 7 July 2013,(page 3, Bangalore edition), where  a girl. 22,is reported to have committed suicide because her parents arranged for her wedding while she wanted to pursue her studies.

    If parents and children were to understand Relationships,Behavior and about Careers (for this case),, they would not have resorted to these stupid decisions like ending life.

    It is my experience that people tend to discard opinions f the others who are close to them but trust Books.

    Goal setting is to be voluntary, not forced, nor induced.

    Let the individuals decide;the parents must remain as Just Moderators to guide them without bias.

    I recommend reading  some of the books mentioned.

    Career Planning By John Barker, Jim Kellen.

    Regarding Children by A New Respect for Childhood and Families By Herbert Anderson, Susan B. W. Johnson

    One might get these Books at a good price, through flipkart,Amazon, Bestdeal,.

    Follow the Link below.

    https://www.cuponation.in/books-movies-music-coupons

  • ‘Only Child’ Facts For Better Parenting.

    There are some Myths about  the ‘Only Child“.

    Lauren Sanders makes some observations on the ‘Only Child’

    The 'Only Child'
    ‘Only Child’

    I am sharing my views on this subject and her observation are provided after that.

    I was the last child for my Parents.My sister and brothers were old enough to be my Parents , they were married before I was born and were living in other cities from our Home.

    1. I was brought up, for all practical purposes, as ‘only Child” ,It  is not necessary for parents to have another child to make a child ‘only child’,it is the way he is brought up.

    I am amazed at the fuss my Daughter and daughter in law make  and the efforts they put up in bringing up children,

    My son and son-in-law are not far behind.

    My parents did not spend ‘quality time, as fancy terms indicate, with me.

    I used to take food as it was given to me without any attempt to feed me(after I was Three),went to school on my own without parent’s accompanying and generally did what a child is expected of, playing on the street till called Home(from 630 am to 8,430 pm to six pm).

    I never felt alone and was always busy.

    Never have i felt that I was being brought up differently.

    I am given to understand that I mix with people freely and easy to get along with.

    But as Myth would have it I should have been an introvert, reserved and difficult to get along with; I am not.

    This nails the myth that ‘only child’ is lonely, difficult to get on along with and is prone for maladjustment later in Life.

    2.I have not been pampered.

    I f I want something I used to ask my mother, which will be conveyed to my father,by her.

    If he can not afford it, he would call me and say that he could not afford it.

    My tantrums would be of no avail.

    This has not made me adamant and cantankerous in my later Life.

    3.Being the ‘only child’ has not made me any more selfish than any other child.

    I am selfish as any other child and my daughter tells me I am selfish especially in Food, when I fight for Ice cream and chocolates with my Grandson, 4!

    4.I had no idea what ‘shared strength’ is all about. till I heard the term recently.

    The fact that Parents have more children does not make them to share less with children no dor  parents Love one child the less.

    This feeling is an illusion , for Love can not be quantified.

    However it is a fact that parents do have a special fondness for a particular child, not that they love the other children less,

    In general, I have seen fathers more attached emotionally to their Daughters.

    In fact  a Man sees his Mother in his daughter,

    I do not know about Women.

    5.It is a contradiction to observe that the eldest child gets priority in a Home and in some Homes the youngest’ it is the things are.

    In short I am of the conviction that Children and emotions are not quantifiable and any conclusions based on these assumptions are incorrect and sends a wrong message to Parents.

    Story:

    The three biggest myths, she says, turn into one word — lonelyselfishmaladjusted — when people talk about us, despite the hundreds of studies that show only children are no different than people with siblings. It is a knowledge gap with consequences. The stereotypes “are really infringing on the lives of parents and especially mothers,” Sandler says. “They have their first kid for them and a second for the other kid. If the reason they’re doing that is that only children are somehow screwed up, then the reasoning is flawed.”

    As I dared to exhale, she laid out the facts:

    1. Only children are not lonely. This is true, but with a few qualifications. School-aged only children are not lonelier. However, those in rural areas might be somewhat more so, and adolescent onlys get lonely because they are teenagers. And grown-up only children coping with the needs and then the loss of aging parents do tend to feel more isolated than others in the same boat. “For me, personally, it is not a reason to have another kid,” Sandler says, “just so my kid has a sibling when I die.”

    2. Only children are not more selfish than other people. Instead, Sandler says, “we become generous and respectful people. We put a lot of weight on our relationships. We tend to be very giving friends, and we are no more narcissistic than anyone else. For some reason, researchers cannot believe this, and just keep testing.

    3. Only children are not all spoiled. At least, no more spoiled than any other child might be. “There is a notion that only children are spoiled because they get everything their parents have to give,” Sandler says, “and end up with the pony in the backyard and the diamond tiara and have a snit when they don’t get what they want. That’s not my kid. It wasn’t me.”

    4. Only children are not maladjusted. “All of the data around that shows us that as long as kids go to school they’re socialized,” Sandler says. “I tend to be the person throwing a party. I bought a house with friends.”

    5. Only children do have shared strengths. High achievement, intelligence and self-esteem. Raised in a “rich verbal environment” we talk a lot — and with depth. But, Sandler says, just as preventing “lonelyselfishmaladjusted” is not a reason to have a second child, improving your child’s SAT score is not a reason to stop at one.

    Source:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/only-child-myths-lauren-sandler_n_3424272.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

  • Parenting Consistency Punishment Myths Facts

    The first Myth is that you need to be trained and educated on Parenting.

    Quote on Parenting.
    Parenting Quote.

    Parenting is instinctive and no body needs training or to be educated.

    One picks it up as one becomes a parent.

    I recall a Seminar was invited to deliver a Lecture on Parenting.

    Knowing my views I tried to refuse.

    But on their insistence, I attended it.

    I requested them to speak towards the end.

    Speakers after speakers stressed on Parental Stress,Adjustment,Consistency, setting examples, carrot and stick, Lifestyle adjustment etc.

    I was the last to speak.

    ‘ All of you have listened to exposition on Parenting.

    Animals do Parenting, take care of their children, those of you who are present here have been brought up by parents,most of them not educated, definitely have not attended courses on Parenting.

    I see that all of you to have grown up to be normal Adults’

    That’s my message and sat down.

    That’s my view even now.

    ”

    The first myth is that some parents say: why would I do things differently? I turned out just fine, so I guess my parents got it right and now I’m duplicating their system!

    To those parents I’d like to say: what makes you feel so sure that this system will work for your child as well? Is your child a perfect copy of you? And wouldn’t it be nice to think of a system first and then decide what system to use instead of picking up the pieces afterwards, when it’s too late?”

    True.

    Be yourself, that’s enough.

    Don’t try out to be what you are not.

    “The second myth that I hear very often, from both parents and experts on this topic, is that you should let your child know who’s the boss, by punishing, blackmailing or rewarding your child! There are many, many books written why I think you should never even consider doing things like this. But the main reasons are that punishing and blackmailing are based on fear, otherwise, your child would not listen to you. Rewarding is based on dependency, otherwise your child would not be willing to do the things you want. This way, your child will never become an independent individual. In all cases, you are on the receiving end, as you always get what you want!”

    There is no question of being a Boss with your child, it is ridiculous.

    Act instinctively and do what you think is right for the child.

    ”

    The third myth is that one should be consistent! It is a myth that I also hear often.

    When I first became a parent, I also tried to be consistent, but I failed time after time. I simply could not keep it up. So in the end, I gave up completely. When I heard that being consistent is impossible, I felt so relieved! To put it even stronger: if you want to be consistent, you will need to suppress your own feelings and at times, will need to lie to your own child. This way, your child will never learn to take other people’s feelings into consideration. So now you know, this is a myth, and nothing else but a myth.”

    Humans by Nature are and never can be consistent.

    If you try you will become artificial and your child can detect it and avoid you!

    Reference:

    http://www.enannysource.com/blog/index.php/2013/05/29/expert-insights-with-laura-fobler-coach-and-author-of-the-parenting-struggle/

     

  • “Dogs Are Buddhists

    I am always surprised at people talking a lot about Parenting.

    I recall an instance when a leading school invited me for a Seminar as Faculty on Parenting organised for Schools and Parents in Chennai, around 2009.

    Knowing my views and quirkiness in addressing a meet , I politely declined.

    The Correspondent of the Institution where I was  Management Consultant insisted I attend and confirmed me as a participant.

    Being a good friend of the Correspondent I attended.

    There was a lot of talk and discussions on parenting.

    Dog as a Buddhist
    Dog as a Buddhist

    When my turn came , I spoke thus,

    ‘Ladies and Gentlemen,

    All of you are assembled here to listen to a talk on Parenting.

    Animals, and even lowly Life, beget children and they bring their children up.

    They do not attend a seminar.

    That’s my talk.

    Thank you”

    I am always surprised at people trying to study parenting!

     

    They leave children to baby sitters and attend seminars on parenting!

    Now the story beats even this.

    Digs are replacing children in Hong Kong and Singapore.And worse dogs are being declared as Buddhists.

    Read On:

    In Hong Kong and Singapore, it is not unusual to see couples pushing baby strollers that do not contain a baby, but rather a small dog. Sometimes the puppy prams are not wheeled by the dog owners, but by a Filipino or Indonesian domestic helper who has been hired just to look after the pooch.

    This extreme level of anthropomorphic dog pampering  is taking place, not surprisingly, in two cities where sky-high high real estate prices and poor parental benefits force many adults to forego what is increasingly viewed as the luxury of having children. The combination of low fertility and the worryingly high prices of homes large enough to raise actual kids —this modest 776 square foot 3-bed in a Hong Kong suburb popular with middle class families rents at $3864 a month—produces some eye-catching luxury businesses catering to canines.

    In Singapore, pet owners can buy sailboat cruises and aromatherapy sessions for their companions, the Daily Telegraph reports. Hong Kong has a luxury dog hotel for animals whose owners—sorry, “parents”— cannot bear the thought of leaving them in a mere kennel. Allegedly designed in consultation with an animal psychologist, it has a beauty spa and a shop selling products with names such as “Ultrasonic Hydro Bath”. (Here is a photo gallery of its primped and coiffed guests.)

    And let us not forget about the dogs’ religious and spiritual needs. At a recent pet products exhibition in Hong Kong, guests could have their animals proclaimed as Buddhists in what is known as a “gui yi” (皈依) ceremony. And in 2011, a South African yoga instructor in Hong Kong offered “dog yoga”; in Singapore they call it “doga.”

    Singapore’s leaders would much rather have people fulfill their need to nurture by having more babies; the city state is facing a dangerous demographic time-bomb with a fertility rate of 1.2 births per woman. In Hong Kong, the figure is only 1.1.

    One main reason: Real estate. Property prices have soared in both cities due to low global interest rates, open economies and high interest from wealthy mainland Chinese buyers. Hong Kong flats are nicknamed “shoebox homes“. And while Singapore offers its poorest citizens fantastic public housing, the government is also fighting a property bubble (paywall) that has put home ownership beyond the reach of much of the middle class. Hong Kong and Singapore policymakers also don’t do much to encourage parenthood by providing generous maternity or paternity leave, like France and Sweden.

    http://qz.com/68680/dog-pampering-obsessions-in-singapore-and-hong-kong-foreshadow-a-demographic-time-bomb/

     

     

  • Parents View Of Children Around The World

    This is how the parents around the world describe their children.

    There is no entry for India.

    What would it be?

    I would say ‘Happy,Family oriented,Has values,Informed and reasonably responsible for their age”

    How about my readers view?

    In general,I have seen parents judging their children harshly forgetting what or how they were of their children’s age!

    Parents' View of Children
    Parents’ View of Children

     

    If you ask American moms, we are raising a nation of baby Einsteins. Here’s what one parent had to say about the intelligence of her 3-year-old, which was apparent to her from the very first moments of her life:

    “I have this vivid memory when she was born of them taking her to clean her off … And she was looking all around … She was alert from the very first second … I took her out when she was six weeks old to a shopping mall to have her picture taken — people would stop me and say, “What an alert baby.” One guy stopped me and said, “Lady, you have an intelligent baby there.” … And it was just something about her. She was very engaging and very with the program, very observant. She’s still fabulously observant.”

    The biggest difference between American parents and their counterparts in Europe might be that they are far more relaxed about enrichment than we are, according to a study released this week by Sara Harkness and Charles M. Super at the School of Family Studies at the University of Connecticut.

    Not only are Americans far more likely to focus on their children’s intelligence and cognitive skills, they are also far less likely to describe them as “happy” or “easy” children to parent.

    “The U.S.’s almost obsession with cognitive development in the early years overlooks so much else,” Harkness told Slate.

    For part of their research, the authors focused just on parents in the United States and the Netherlands. The differences are stark: American parents emphasized setting aside “special time” with each of their children, while Dutch parents spent a few hours each day together with their kids as an entire family.

    American parents said they struggled to manage the sleep schedules of their babies and young children, explaining that they try to entertain or distract them when they wake up in the middle of the night. As one American dad says:

    “We both have different strategies. She’ll put him in the walker down here and I generally put him in the playpen and try to keep him somewhat entertained, either by the TV or he loves the stereo.”

    Compare this to Dutch parents, who emphasized plenty of rest and regular schedules for their kids (and, by extension, themselves), and somehow end up inducing their offspring to sleep more:

    “Many parents stressed the importance of a regular schedule, including a set time for both meals and bed. As one mother of an 18-month-old explained: ‘To bed on time, because they really need rest to grow, and regularity is very important when they are so little. If she gets too little rest, she is very fussy.’ A mother of a 6-month-old commented, ‘We are very strict about going to bed – at 6:30, upstairs.’”

    Apparently, it works. The authors noted that the children of Dutch parents were consistently more calm, existing more frequently in a state of “quiet alert,” while American babies were more often “actively alert.”

    “The higher state of arousal of the American babies corresponded to differences in their mothers’ behavior: the American mothers touched and talked to their babies more than the Dutch mothers did,” the authors note.

    But beyond sleep schedules, Americans also seem preoccupied with their children’s smarts from an extremely young age.

    The researchers compiled a list of the attributes that 60 families in six different countries used to describe their children, which you can see at the top of the page.

    American parents were the only ones to consistently mention their children’s advanced intellect, while other countries focused on qualities like “happiness,” being “easy” to manage, or the even more zen-like “well-balanced,” in Italy. (Italians also used the word simpatico, a group of characteristics suggesting social and emotional competence).

    http://qz.com/74136/charts-how-parents-around-the-world-describe-their-children/