Ramanisblog

Tag: Family

  • ‘Only Child’ Facts For Better Parenting.

    There are some Myths about  the ‘Only Child“.

    Lauren Sanders makes some observations on the ‘Only Child’

    The 'Only Child'
    ‘Only Child’

    I am sharing my views on this subject and her observation are provided after that.

    I was the last child for my Parents.My sister and brothers were old enough to be my Parents , they were married before I was born and were living in other cities from our Home.

    1. I was brought up, for all practical purposes, as ‘only Child” ,It  is not necessary for parents to have another child to make a child ‘only child’,it is the way he is brought up.

    I am amazed at the fuss my Daughter and daughter in law make  and the efforts they put up in bringing up children,

    My son and son-in-law are not far behind.

    My parents did not spend ‘quality time, as fancy terms indicate, with me.

    I used to take food as it was given to me without any attempt to feed me(after I was Three),went to school on my own without parent’s accompanying and generally did what a child is expected of, playing on the street till called Home(from 630 am to 8,430 pm to six pm).

    I never felt alone and was always busy.

    Never have i felt that I was being brought up differently.

    I am given to understand that I mix with people freely and easy to get along with.

    But as Myth would have it I should have been an introvert, reserved and difficult to get along with; I am not.

    This nails the myth that ‘only child’ is lonely, difficult to get on along with and is prone for maladjustment later in Life.

    2.I have not been pampered.

    I f I want something I used to ask my mother, which will be conveyed to my father,by her.

    If he can not afford it, he would call me and say that he could not afford it.

    My tantrums would be of no avail.

    This has not made me adamant and cantankerous in my later Life.

    3.Being the ‘only child’ has not made me any more selfish than any other child.

    I am selfish as any other child and my daughter tells me I am selfish especially in Food, when I fight for Ice cream and chocolates with my Grandson, 4!

    4.I had no idea what ‘shared strength’ is all about. till I heard the term recently.

    The fact that Parents have more children does not make them to share less with children no dor  parents Love one child the less.

    This feeling is an illusion , for Love can not be quantified.

    However it is a fact that parents do have a special fondness for a particular child, not that they love the other children less,

    In general, I have seen fathers more attached emotionally to their Daughters.

    In fact  a Man sees his Mother in his daughter,

    I do not know about Women.

    5.It is a contradiction to observe that the eldest child gets priority in a Home and in some Homes the youngest’ it is the things are.

    In short I am of the conviction that Children and emotions are not quantifiable and any conclusions based on these assumptions are incorrect and sends a wrong message to Parents.

    Story:

    The three biggest myths, she says, turn into one word — lonelyselfishmaladjusted — when people talk about us, despite the hundreds of studies that show only children are no different than people with siblings. It is a knowledge gap with consequences. The stereotypes “are really infringing on the lives of parents and especially mothers,” Sandler says. “They have their first kid for them and a second for the other kid. If the reason they’re doing that is that only children are somehow screwed up, then the reasoning is flawed.”

    As I dared to exhale, she laid out the facts:

    1. Only children are not lonely. This is true, but with a few qualifications. School-aged only children are not lonelier. However, those in rural areas might be somewhat more so, and adolescent onlys get lonely because they are teenagers. And grown-up only children coping with the needs and then the loss of aging parents do tend to feel more isolated than others in the same boat. “For me, personally, it is not a reason to have another kid,” Sandler says, “just so my kid has a sibling when I die.”

    2. Only children are not more selfish than other people. Instead, Sandler says, “we become generous and respectful people. We put a lot of weight on our relationships. We tend to be very giving friends, and we are no more narcissistic than anyone else. For some reason, researchers cannot believe this, and just keep testing.

    3. Only children are not all spoiled. At least, no more spoiled than any other child might be. “There is a notion that only children are spoiled because they get everything their parents have to give,” Sandler says, “and end up with the pony in the backyard and the diamond tiara and have a snit when they don’t get what they want. That’s not my kid. It wasn’t me.”

    4. Only children are not maladjusted. “All of the data around that shows us that as long as kids go to school they’re socialized,” Sandler says. “I tend to be the person throwing a party. I bought a house with friends.”

    5. Only children do have shared strengths. High achievement, intelligence and self-esteem. Raised in a “rich verbal environment” we talk a lot — and with depth. But, Sandler says, just as preventing “lonelyselfishmaladjusted” is not a reason to have a second child, improving your child’s SAT score is not a reason to stop at one.

    Source:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/only-child-myths-lauren-sandler_n_3424272.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

  • Parenting Consistency Punishment Myths Facts

    The first Myth is that you need to be trained and educated on Parenting.

    Quote on Parenting.
    Parenting Quote.

    Parenting is instinctive and no body needs training or to be educated.

    One picks it up as one becomes a parent.

    I recall a Seminar was invited to deliver a Lecture on Parenting.

    Knowing my views I tried to refuse.

    But on their insistence, I attended it.

    I requested them to speak towards the end.

    Speakers after speakers stressed on Parental Stress,Adjustment,Consistency, setting examples, carrot and stick, Lifestyle adjustment etc.

    I was the last to speak.

    ‘ All of you have listened to exposition on Parenting.

    Animals do Parenting, take care of their children, those of you who are present here have been brought up by parents,most of them not educated, definitely have not attended courses on Parenting.

    I see that all of you to have grown up to be normal Adults’

    That’s my message and sat down.

    That’s my view even now.

    ”

    The first myth is that some parents say: why would I do things differently? I turned out just fine, so I guess my parents got it right and now I’m duplicating their system!

    To those parents I’d like to say: what makes you feel so sure that this system will work for your child as well? Is your child a perfect copy of you? And wouldn’t it be nice to think of a system first and then decide what system to use instead of picking up the pieces afterwards, when it’s too late?”

    True.

    Be yourself, that’s enough.

    Don’t try out to be what you are not.

    “The second myth that I hear very often, from both parents and experts on this topic, is that you should let your child know who’s the boss, by punishing, blackmailing or rewarding your child! There are many, many books written why I think you should never even consider doing things like this. But the main reasons are that punishing and blackmailing are based on fear, otherwise, your child would not listen to you. Rewarding is based on dependency, otherwise your child would not be willing to do the things you want. This way, your child will never become an independent individual. In all cases, you are on the receiving end, as you always get what you want!”

    There is no question of being a Boss with your child, it is ridiculous.

    Act instinctively and do what you think is right for the child.

    ”

    The third myth is that one should be consistent! It is a myth that I also hear often.

    When I first became a parent, I also tried to be consistent, but I failed time after time. I simply could not keep it up. So in the end, I gave up completely. When I heard that being consistent is impossible, I felt so relieved! To put it even stronger: if you want to be consistent, you will need to suppress your own feelings and at times, will need to lie to your own child. This way, your child will never learn to take other people’s feelings into consideration. So now you know, this is a myth, and nothing else but a myth.”

    Humans by Nature are and never can be consistent.

    If you try you will become artificial and your child can detect it and avoid you!

    Reference:

    http://www.enannysource.com/blog/index.php/2013/05/29/expert-insights-with-laura-fobler-coach-and-author-of-the-parenting-struggle/

     

  • Polluted Vegetables Photo Essay

    Use of pesticides has made the Fruits and Vegetables toxic and they are the most polluted Food to-day.

    Fruits and Vegetables, specially those with tender skins allow the pesticide to permeate into them.

    As a general rule these are to be avoided.

    As tot the rest, wash them at least thrice in warm water and wherever possible boil  or steam them

    Below are a host of fruits that are polluted. looks like the whole lot Fruits!

    Strawberry
    “Strawberries are very tender and very delicate and grown close to the soil,” says Chensheng (Alex) Lu, Ph.D., assistant professor of environmental exposure biology, Harvard School of Public Health. That’s also where insects live, so farmers often resort to pesticides. To prevent mold and extend shelf life, they also use fungicides, even after harvest.
    Celery
    Celery. Buy organic or frequent farmers’ markets with small growers who can’t afford or choose not to use expensive pesticides, says Lu. (Don’t be afraid to ask the sellers about their use of pesticides.) Or try a cleaner green veggie alternative, like avocado or asparagus, both of which have low exposure to pesticides, according to the Environmental Working Group (EWG). 
    Peaches
    Peaches.
    Nectarines.
    Nectarines.
    Apples.
    Apples.
    Blueberries.
    Blueberries.
    Sweet bell peppers,
    Sweet bell peppers,
    Spinach.
    Spinach.
    Greens.
    Greens.
    Cherries.
    Cherries.
    Grapes.
    Grapes.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Diapers,Parenting

    Use of Diapers if of recent origin in India,started some 15 years back.

    When my children were growing up, we had under-wears, what is called as ‘Jatties’

    These are made of thin cloth and dry faster.

    We also tore up the Dhoti(Indian Men’s wear, a wrap around around the midriff to suitable lengths for use for the children.

    This we continued till they were 3 to 4 years.

    When I was a child , I am informed by my sister in law that they used to leave me naked till I was 4!

    When the child wets, when it has no cloth around it, the place was swiped clean with Cow’s Dung.

    Cow Dung as many may not know is an effective disinfectant.

    The child washed around the parts,

    Now the trend is Diapers.

    They slap some contraption around the child’s loin and leave it at that.

    Brand advertising keep screaming at you, soft, smooth,enough room for ventilation etc.

    The child develops rashes.

    Then you apply some special cream!

    Now new brands claim to be rash proof.

    Parents remove these Diapers once in two hours or so.

    If the Mother were to be a working woman and leaves the child to a Baybysiiter, well, the Diaper will be removed whenever she felt like it or she remembers.

    All the while the child will be wet not withstanding the ‘Absorbent Technologies’

    Bed wetting was problem we never faced.

    Now It has assumed Psychiatric proportions, thanks to Freud!

    With all this advances, the bonding( !) between the mother and child is less as compared to what it was, as people of the present day of ‘Unhygienic way of bringing up children’

    Their Science now says that the old way encouraged bonding better!

    Story:

    Diapers
    Diapers

    When Jada Shapiro decided to raise her daughter from birth without diapers, for the most part, not everyone was amused. Shapiro scattered little bowls around the house to catch her daughter’s offerings, and her sister insisted that she use a big, dark marker to mark the bowls so that they could never find their way back to the kitchen.

    But “elimination communication,” as the diaper-free method of child-rearing is called, is finding an audience.

    Shapiro, who is a doula, a birth and child-rearing coach, says it is practically now a job qualification to at least be able to offer diaperfree training as an option to clients. Caribou Baby, an “ecofriendly maternity, baby and lifestyle store” on the border of artsy Greenpoint and Williamsburg , has been drawing capacity crowds to its diaper-free “Meetups,” where parents exchange tips like how to get a baby to urinate on the street between parked cars…

    Parents are drawn to the method as a way of preserving the environment from the ravages of disposable diapers, as well as reducing the laundering of cloth diapers and preventing diaper rash. Many of them like the thought that they are rediscovering an ancient practice used in other cultures , though they tend to gloss over the fact that many of those cultures had never heard of Pampers . But mostly, they say, they like feeling more in touch with their babies’ most intimate functions.

    “I think for a lot of parents, the motivation is just to be more in tune with what their kids’ needs are,” Adriane Stare, proprietor of Caribou Baby and herself a diaper-free mother, said on Thursday, about a week after holding her most recent meetup. Another meeting was written about on Thursday on the news Web site dnainfo.com; the next is May 14.

    Stare said she “EC’d ” her oldest son, Damien, who is now almost 4, and is doing it again with her second boy, Loren, who is almost 4 months old. Stare watched for cues that meant her baby needed to go to the bathroom or was going to the bathroom, like a certain cry or squirming or a grimace . Then, she began associating those cues with her own noises , like “sss,” or grunting. After a while she could make those noises — the elimination communication — to the baby while holding him over the toilet or the sink for perhaps 20 seconds, and he would go to the bathroom on command or refuse if he was not ready.

    There are misses, she admits, but even cleaning up a small mess on the floor is easier, she says, than laundering diapers…

    Asked whether the practice was a health hazard, Jean Weinberg , a spokeswoman for the New York City health department said: “Really the only infectious disease problem at hand has to do with hand washing. Otherwise, it’s just a general sanitation issue.”

    Shapiro, a founder of Birth Day Presence, a childbirth education studio in Park Slope and SoHo, said most clients laughed when they heard about elimination communication, but one or two in every group signed up. At three weeks, her daughter could hold her bowel movements until she was put over the bowl, she said.

    “I have absolutely been at parties and witnessed people putting their baby over the sink,” she said. One client took her baby and her bowl to a party, held her naked baby over the bowl, “and she just did it at this person’s party in the corner, but obviously they were close friends,” Shapiro said.

    http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-04-21/science/38709857_1_cloth-diapers-pampers-disposable-diapers

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  • Parents View Of Children Around The World

    This is how the parents around the world describe their children.

    There is no entry for India.

    What would it be?

    I would say ‘Happy,Family oriented,Has values,Informed and reasonably responsible for their age”

    How about my readers view?

    In general,I have seen parents judging their children harshly forgetting what or how they were of their children’s age!

    Parents' View of Children
    Parents’ View of Children

     

    If you ask American moms, we are raising a nation of baby Einsteins. Here’s what one parent had to say about the intelligence of her 3-year-old, which was apparent to her from the very first moments of her life:

    “I have this vivid memory when she was born of them taking her to clean her off … And she was looking all around … She was alert from the very first second … I took her out when she was six weeks old to a shopping mall to have her picture taken — people would stop me and say, “What an alert baby.” One guy stopped me and said, “Lady, you have an intelligent baby there.” … And it was just something about her. She was very engaging and very with the program, very observant. She’s still fabulously observant.”

    The biggest difference between American parents and their counterparts in Europe might be that they are far more relaxed about enrichment than we are, according to a study released this week by Sara Harkness and Charles M. Super at the School of Family Studies at the University of Connecticut.

    Not only are Americans far more likely to focus on their children’s intelligence and cognitive skills, they are also far less likely to describe them as “happy” or “easy” children to parent.

    “The U.S.’s almost obsession with cognitive development in the early years overlooks so much else,” Harkness told Slate.

    For part of their research, the authors focused just on parents in the United States and the Netherlands. The differences are stark: American parents emphasized setting aside “special time” with each of their children, while Dutch parents spent a few hours each day together with their kids as an entire family.

    American parents said they struggled to manage the sleep schedules of their babies and young children, explaining that they try to entertain or distract them when they wake up in the middle of the night. As one American dad says:

    “We both have different strategies. She’ll put him in the walker down here and I generally put him in the playpen and try to keep him somewhat entertained, either by the TV or he loves the stereo.”

    Compare this to Dutch parents, who emphasized plenty of rest and regular schedules for their kids (and, by extension, themselves), and somehow end up inducing their offspring to sleep more:

    “Many parents stressed the importance of a regular schedule, including a set time for both meals and bed. As one mother of an 18-month-old explained: ‘To bed on time, because they really need rest to grow, and regularity is very important when they are so little. If she gets too little rest, she is very fussy.’ A mother of a 6-month-old commented, ‘We are very strict about going to bed – at 6:30, upstairs.’”

    Apparently, it works. The authors noted that the children of Dutch parents were consistently more calm, existing more frequently in a state of “quiet alert,” while American babies were more often “actively alert.”

    “The higher state of arousal of the American babies corresponded to differences in their mothers’ behavior: the American mothers touched and talked to their babies more than the Dutch mothers did,” the authors note.

    But beyond sleep schedules, Americans also seem preoccupied with their children’s smarts from an extremely young age.

    The researchers compiled a list of the attributes that 60 families in six different countries used to describe their children, which you can see at the top of the page.

    American parents were the only ones to consistently mention their children’s advanced intellect, while other countries focused on qualities like “happiness,” being “easy” to manage, or the even more zen-like “well-balanced,” in Italy. (Italians also used the word simpatico, a group of characteristics suggesting social and emotional competence).

    http://qz.com/74136/charts-how-parents-around-the-world-describe-their-children/