Tag: Family

  • Domestic Violence Against Men Helpline

    Domestic Violence Against Men.
    Domestic Violence Against Men.

    Violence is violence.

    Yet when a mention of the term domestic violence crops up, it always is the violence perpetrated by Men against Women.

    What about Men subjected to domestic violence by women?

    Indian law is silent on this issue , so are laws the world over.

    “Definitions.- In this Act, unless the context otherwise requires,-

    (a) ” aggrieved person” means any woman who is, or has been, in a domestic relationship with the respondent and who alleges to have been subjected to any act of domestic violence by the respondent;” Domestic Violence Act India.
    Domestic Violence against Men.

    Findings that women are as violent as men have been termed “gender symmetry”.[1][9][10][11][12][13]

    A 32-nation study of university students “revealed an overwhelming body of evidence that bidirectional violence is the predominant pattern of perpetration; and this study, along with evidence from many other studies (Medeiros & Straus, 2007), indicates that the etiology of PV is mostly parallel for men and women.”[14]

    Domestic Violence against Men.
    Domestic Violence against Men.

    Straus and Gelles found that in couples reporting spousal violence, 27% of the time the man struck the first blow; in 24% of cases, the woman initiated the violence. The rest of the time, the violence was mutual, with both partners brawling. The results were the same even when the most severe episodes of violence were analyzed. In order to counteract claims that the reporting data was skewed, female-only surveys were conducted, asking females to self-report, and the data was the same.[15] The simple tally of physical acts is typically found to be similar in those studies that examine both directions, but some studies show that male violence may be more serious. Male violence may do more damage than female violence;[16] women are more likely to be injured and/or hospitalized. Female partners are more likely to be killed by their male partners than the reverse (62.1% to 37.9% per Department of Justice study), and women in general are more likely to be killed by their spouses than by all other types of assailants combined.[17] From a data set of 6,200 cases of spousal abuse in the Detroit area of the US in 1978-79, a study found that men used weapons 25% of the time while female assailants used weapons 86% of the time; 74% of men sustained injury and of these 84% required medical care.[18] Other studies report that female perpetrated domestic abuse is more common than male among adolescents.[19][20](wiki)

    Signs of Domestic Violence against Men.

    You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

    • Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
    • Prevents you from going to work or school
    • Stops you from seeing family members or friends
    • Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear
    • Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
    • Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
    • Threatens you with violence or a weapon
    • Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
    • Assaults you while you’re sleeping, you’ve been drinking or you’re not paying attention to make up for a difference in strength
    • Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
    • Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
    • Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual.

    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence-against-men/MY00557

    Helpline.

    National Helpline
    01823 334244 
    If you are a man suffering Domestic Abuse or Violence call this number.
    Our confidential helpline is manned from Monday to Friday 10am – 4pm and 7pm – 9pm.
    Helpline services for the Deaf are provided through Text Relay. Visitwww.textrelay.org for details.
    Normal BT rates apply
    If you are in immediate danger, call 999

    http://www.mankind.org.uk/

    Philip Cook’s book Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence offers an account of the politics of statistics across four decades of research on intimate partner violence, chronicling the ways in which the battering of men is overlooked and under-discussed. Cook points out that women make up 20% of domestic violence arrests and, in the reissued version of the book released in 2009, shows how these figures have changed over time, reflecting reporting practices rather than a dramatic increase in the levels of violence. Cook cites a survey sponsored by the Law Enforcement Assistance Administration of abused women seeking shelter in Kentucky found that among violent couples, 38% of attacks were by ones where women reported that they had initiated a violent act.

    Unsurprisingly, men are far less likely than women to report incidents where they have been injured as it might call into question the status of their manhood. For men who did not hit back, retaliate, or perform an evasive action, there remains an expectation among many of the men themselves that they should have been able to fend off what transpired. Counselors note that boys and men who have been the victims of violence have a hard time accepting the label of victim.  Feminized associations with victim language makes it difficult for men and boys who experience violence to seek and accept help.

    http://thefeministwire.com/2013/03/feminist-anxiety-about-domestic-violence-against-men/

  • Pocket Money Alarming Trends IndiaTakes Action

    Pocket Money is the money given to children by the parents to spend.

    Pocket Money in India
    Pocket Money In India, A Study.

    This is addition to what is being provided at Home by way of Food, Shelter Clothing, Study expenses and in fact covers everything.

    This concept  is a new one, since about fifteen years,;even then, it was not followed as it is being done now.

    We were provided  every thing by the parents at Home(about 50 years back) and I did not even know what to ask.

    I used accept what was given by my father.

    Even School textbooks were not asked for.

    If I needed something, which was rare, at times I used to ask my mother and what I wanted was provided, but never Money.

    Today, we find Pocket Money is being demanded as a matter of Right by the children and parents also consider this as a part of a Child growing into an adult!

    It sounds funny.

    Why does a child require Money and why do parents encourage it?

    One point is that the peer Pressure exerted on the Parents by the other parents  on the one hand  and , on the other,the pressure exerted by the child’s friends.

    Many parents resort to this practice to show their status,also to assuage their guilt feeling of not being with the child  as much as they would like because of the fact that both Husband and wife are employed.

    They think they are compensating this by giving money to children.

    At a relatively young age, say up to 10 years, if you bring up the child properly. the child would not ask for Pocket Money and what it needs is the fact that the Father/Mother personally  bought something for him

    Once you allow the child the taste of money, it never leaves.

    The child develops a taste for things which it can not afford and assumes that the Money is there merely for the asking.

    When you have money, one tends to spend on things one does not need, this applies more to Adults,look at your credit card purchase-s you would have bought things which you would otherwise have not bought if you hard currency ;such being the case, imagine a child!

    When the child has  more money it tends to develop bad habits like Smoking< Drinking and begin to use drugs.

    As usual parents are the last to know of this.

    Then things had gone beyond control.

    Another serious implication is that when the child does not get the money from you it starts stealing , first from Home ,then later from other people.

    I am not sounding an undue Alarm.

    Survey at .

    http://www.bemoneyaware.com/survey.php

    This I have observed in quite a number of cases.

    The issue has assumed such serious proportions that the Government of India has come out with a Scheme to regulate this and create an awareness among the students and the parents.

    I am providing some thoughts from another source;

    Pocket money as the name suggests is money given to children to take care of petty expenses. This amount of money can be given by parents’ everyday, every week or every month or even on adhoc basis, as and when the child requires it. As long as the child has the freedom to spend the money, it will be deemed as pocket money.

    Parents extensively differ in their perspectives of whether or not to give pocket money to children. Some parents believe that pocket money should not be given since

    *
    That will make the child feel that ‘parents money is not his/her money’,
    *
    ‘It could lead to fights between children’,
    *
    ‘Unhealthy competition amongst children on the amount of pocket money they get’
    *
    Loss of control on where children spend the money’

    However, giving pocket money to children has several advantages:

    *
    Children feel a sense of independence and responsibility towards spending the money the right way. They learn & understand the value of money. They also learn to understand that amount of money is limited and they need to always choose between their various desires to ensure correct use of their pocket money.
    *
    Children get into the habit of planned income and expenditure. They also learn about saving & budgeting. For eg: if they want to buy a present for their mother’s birthday, they will need to put aside some amount of money every month to collect the commensurate amount and buy the gift.
    *
    Giving pocket money to children also makes them feel an important part of the family since they know that they get a part of the family’s monthly income.
    Some parents even believe in their children earning pocket money. What does that mean? It means that parents can often inculcate values/ beliefs/ actions in their children by rewarding them for it in the form of pocket money. In such cases, parents divide the pocket money amount in two parts:

    *
    One that is given on a timely basis.
    *
    Second that is earned against some house jobs. For eg: every Sunday, you could start giving a fixed sum of money to your son if he helps his father in cleaning the car. Or if your daughter helps around in dusting the house. This will in a way also inculcate the habit of weekly cleanliness in them since childhood. Similarly, if you strongly wish to inculcate the value of ‘ helping others’ in your children, you could promise them an extra sum of money during summer vacations if they help your maid’s child learn the basics of math.

    Pocket Money , Indian Government Initiative.

    Pocket Money – Financial Education in Schools
    NISM has developed a program to impart basic financial skills to school students (Classes VIII upwards). Named as ‘Pocket Money’, this program has been developed as an eight (90 minute) session course.This is a joint initiative being conducted by SEBI and NISM. We have done a pilot initiative covering 30 schools and 4000 students. We will soon be launching the program in various parts of the country.

    For more information about this program please go through this short presentation:

    Download here for the programme.

    The Government is tying up with schools and educate children , parents and the Teachers on this issue.

    http://www.nism.ac.in/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=262&Itemid=233

    http://www.indiachildren.com/growing/10to15y/pocketmoney.htm

    Studies On Pocket Money in India.

    A 2011 study by ASSOCHAM on “Current Pocket Money Trends in Urban India” spoke to over 3,000 respondents in the 12-20 years age group in five metros, including Chennai (which was at the bottom of the list in terms of pocket money – the maximum was Rs.5,000). Shockingly, it revealed that children were getting pocket money upwards of Rs.12,000 in India, many times more than the few thousands that children were used to getting just six years ago. Apparently, big budget items that kids were going in for was gadgets (55 per cent), 25 per cent spent money on movies and malls, and about 20 per cent on eating out.

    “Food is on top of the list – for all children, irrespective of their socio economic strata. If they have money, they buy food. Unfortunately, most of it is junk food and fizzy drinks,” Dr. Kumarababu explains.

    Coupled with a sedentary lifestyle, this leads to obesity and a whole string of metabolic disorders that are best prevented at a young age, doctors say. The next big spending is on gadgets and on video games CDs and DVDs, all of which further encourage a sedentary life.

    http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/chennai/pocket-money-may-encourage-deviant-behaviour-in-kids/article2876324.ece

    My suggestion is not to give Pocket Money right from the early childhood and provide children what they need by yourself.

    In case you can not avoid this , make sure the child keeps an account and shows it to you daily.

    Schools may encourage children to save and set Marks for Saving for A  ‘Pass’/Rank.

  • Little Girl’s Concern For ‘A Single Father’

    Today people marry in haste and divorce …?.

    They do not think about the offspring.

    How a child would take it never occurs to them in their Hedonistic pursuits.

    Story:

    Dating with kids isn’t easy — unless your kid takes it upon themselves to find you a date.

    One little girl decided to do exactly that recently, as the adorable note Redditor moodysimon posted on Wednesday shows.

    (huffington post)

    Now look at how a child cares for her single Father, which does not seem to occurred to her Mother.

    Child' Note about her Single Father.
    Child’ Note about her Single Father.

    Saw this on my FB feed: “A little girl wearing one rollerblade just stopped me on the footpath to ask ‘do you know any single adults’? I asked her to explain and she replied ‘as in single girls’. I said yes. She then handed me this note and skated off! Any takers?

    http://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/1labbk/saw_this_on_my_fb_feed_a_little_girl_wearing_one/

  • Raksha Bandhan Duties Of A Brother Hinduism

    There are no written text specifying the responsibilities of a Brother towards His sisters, including the Manusmriti.

    However, there are practices being followed in Hindu Households by way of tradition.

    Raksha Bandhan.
    Raksha Bandhan.

    They are:

    1.Brothers would get married only after the sister is married, even if he is a younger brother..

    2.In a Hindu household, the eldest, if he happens to be a Male, is next in charge of the House and as such has the responsibility of taking care of his sisters.

    3.In the event of father  being deceased, the brother is regarded the Father and his duties towards his sister is that of a Father to his daughter.His wife, even if  the Father is alive, is the Mother to all his siblings and she is to be accorded the respects as that befits a Mother.

    4.Brother is expected to gift his sister on New Year,Raksha Bandhan, Diwali, when she is pregnant, when she delivers a child, and for the first Birth anniversary of her children.

    Maternal Uncle is the person who performs the Karna Bhushana(Ear piercing ceremony of the child) and the first hair tonsuring of the child  and during Upanayana and Marriage, he  plays an important role.

    5.The sister is to brought to the Brother’s Home, of Father is not alive, to look after her during pregnancy.

    6.The status of a maternal Uncle is very high in Hinduism.In fact he occupies a position not enjoyed by the parents of the child or Grand[parents.

    7.There used to be a custom that the right of marrying sister’s daughter rested with the maternal Uncle.Even now, in certain communities, this custom is followed.

    8.In every function, the sister and her husband are to be given special respects.

    9.In the unforeseen event of the sister’s husband passing away, looking after the Family of the sister is the responsibility of the brother.

  • Marriage Compatibility Myth

    Marriage and Compatibility.
    Marriage and Compatibility.

    I was looking for a suitable Girl for my son(He is married now)

    In India, in general, marriages are arranged by parents.

    For details read my post under ‘Lifestyle’

    Those who believe in horoscope,these are in the majority in the Brahmin community(I do not believe in Horoscopes), circulate the horoscope through their relatives, friends, family priest and of late through Marriage portals.

    Once the horoscopes match, then the process of visiting the would be Bride’s home is on.

    Once the girl and the boy like each other, then the arrangements for Betrothal and marriage starts.

    The problem with the present generation is that they set conditions.

    1.They need to talk to each other,by email,webcam and in person and it is in vogue now.

    2.The girl should be well-educated, employed and domestically well-trained(?!)

    3.The Boy without parents being alive is preferred and most preferred boys are those who do not have siblings;they must commit to support the girl’s parents.

    The Boy should be in a transferable job and can get transferred to the Girls’ place.

    4.Both the Boy and girl declare they should be in the same ‘wave length‘ , each must ‘personal space and they want to ensure that each is compatible with the other.

    I am talking about the point on ‘wavelength’ , ‘personal space ‘and compatibility.

    I was married to a girl whom my parents finalised and have grandchildren now, with usual, ever-present misunderstanding between us.

    What exactly is ”wavelength’?

    If my understanding is correct , it means that both should be able to have same tastes, likes and dislikes.

    I am afraid this is not possible or probable.

    Each is unique.

    If one were to have the same likes, dislikes then Life would become dull and boring.

    It is a question of supplementing each other.

    None loves, likes the others in all their follies and tastes.

    It applies to everyone.

    It is the process of compromising and adjusting that makes Life happy or at least tolerable.

    Another important point is that our tastes. likes and dislikes change during our Life and this complicates Life even further if you have the same’ ‘wave length’

    And what is ”personal space?

    No body is going to take it away from you because you are married.

    This confusion arises because of the notion that in any relationship, one should share everything with another.

    I have a post on this under Lifestyle.

    One can not and need not share everything with everyone, including wife to sustain the relationship.

    There are issues that one should share and some one need not.

    These expectations are imaginary, idealistic, fueled by pulp fiction and films.

    If one were  to be perfect in getting married after checking these wavelengths compatibility nonsense , one remains unmarried and at an unmarriageable age  and have to settle any one  for a Spouse .

    Look at a case reported.

    A girl divorced her husband because he was not compatible.

    She became friendly with a man Online.

    After some intimate exchange of views Online she found it was her ex Husband!

    If the woman had been sure of Compatibility, then  she would not divorced.

    If her judgement is correct, she would not have chosen to contact the Man Online for she had corresponded with him after checking his likes and dislikes.

    How elusive is Compatibility factor is?

    Look at the professional qualification of the people involved.

    Story:

    For nearly a year after her divorce, a West St. Paul woman opened up to a man she dated online, sharing intimate details of her personal life and struggles with her ex-husband.

    Then, prosecutors say, she got a surprise. The man on the other end of the computer was her ex-husband.

    Brian Matthew Cornelius, a 36-year-old Sturgeon Lake, Minn., man, created an elaborate online persona under an assumed name and with borrowed photographs to strike up a digital relationship with his former wife, according to charges filed Tuesday in Dakota County District Court.

    Prosecutors say Cornelius went so far as to arrange to watch the woman through a webcam, and he persuaded her to skip a court appearance in which she was seeking an order for protection against him.

    Phone calls to Cornelius and his most recent attorney of record were not returned Thursday.

    Cornelius and the woman were married in 2000 and divorced in 2011, according to court records. They have two young children together and have sparred in court over custody issues.

    He faces two counts of gross misdemeanor stalking.

    According to the charges:

    About three months after her divorce, the woman met someone through a dating website who went by the name “Aaron Carpenter.” The two struck up an “extensive” online relationship, exchanging emails, text messages and other electronic communications.

    The woman “confided intimate details of her life and daily activities” with Carpenter, including her difficulties with Cornelius. She also let him see her in her home via a webcam, the complaint said.

    In March 2012, after an alleged physical assault by Cornelius, the woman told Carpenter about her plans to get an order for protection against her ex-husband.

    Carpenter persuaded her to skip the court date, and the request for an order subsequently was dismissed.

    Source:

    http://www.twincities.com/minnesota/ci_23406072/west-st-paul-woman-discovers-online-boyfriend-is

    *Definition of Compatibility.

    com·pat·i·ble

    [kuhm-pat-uh-buhl]  Show IPA

    adjective

    1.

    capable of existing or living together in harmony: the most compatible married couple I know.
    2.

    able to exist together with something else: Prejudice is not compatible with true religion.
    3.

    consistent; congruous (often followed by with  ): His claims are not compatible with the facts.

    (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compatible)

    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/woman-discovers-online-friend-actually-ex-husband-185458324.html