Tag: Marriage

  • Increased Divorces IT Contribution of Stress

    The incidence of Divorces in India are rising .

    But on a Global scale India ranks at the lowest in The Wold.

    Divorce Statistics.

    Statistics shows that only 1 out of 100 Indian marriages end up to a divorce which is quite low in comparison to America’s 50% of marriages turning into breakups.

    The divorce rate in Indian villages is even lower in comparison to urban India.
    The following figures will help you to get an idea about the divorce rate in India with respect to global divorce rate.

    • Sweden – 54.9%
    • United States – 54.8%
    • Russia – 43.3%
    • United Kingdom – 42.6
    • Germany – 39.4%
    • Israel – 14.8%
    • Singapore – 17.2%
    • Japan – 1.9%
    • Srilanka – 1.5%
    • India – 1.1%

    http://www.indidivorce.com/divorce-rate-in-india.html

    The rate of divorce in India was even low in the previous decade, where only 7.40 marriages out of 1,000 marriages were annulled.

    However,Divorce rates in India are increasing.

    “The past one year has witnessed 43,000 divorces across the country. However, owing to the awareness relating to men’s rights nationwide, the number of divorce by mutual consent has also gone up. Today, statistics shows 60 per cent of the divorces is by mutual consent.

    Among states with the highest number of divorces, Maharashtra topped the list in the past year, accounting for nearly 20,000 cases, with Mumbai and Pune alone accounting for 15,000 of them, while the remaining were reported from Nashik, Aurangabad and Nagpur

    http://www.rediff.com/news/report/maharashtra-tops-nation-in-divorce-cases/20120330.htm

    Divorce statistics indicate that in the last couple of decades, the number of married persons in the U.S. has significantly dropped down. The percentage of married people in U.S. was lower than 60% in 2002 compared to 72% in 1970. The reason for the failure for 80% of the marriages is “irreconcilable differences” among couples. The chances of the first marriage ending in a divorce vary. According to the divorce statistics, 20% of first marriages fail after 5 years, 33% after 10 years whereas 43% end in divorce after 15 years.
    Divorce statistics indicate that in the last couple of decades, the number of married persons in the U.S. has significantly dropped down. The percentage of married people in U.S. was lower than 60% in 2002 compared to 72% in 1970. The reason for the failure for 80% of the marriages is “irreconcilable differences” among couples. The chances of the first marriage ending in a divorce vary. According to the divorce statistics, 20% of first marriages fail after 5 years, 33% after 10 years whereas 43% end in divorce after 15 years.

    Divorce rates in The IT sector are higher as compared to other sectors.

    Lawyers say that lifestyle change is one of the primary reasons for marriages ending in divorce.

    Around five years ago, the ratio was one divorce per 1,000 marriages in India , and today statistics indicate that there are 13 divorces for every 1,000 marriage.

    The main reasons attributed to the break-up of marriages in India today are related to equal income between sexes and the high stress levels.

    The maximum number of divorces is among call centre employees, medical professionals and those in the technology sector.

    I had already discussed the work pressure/Culture in The IT industry contributing to Stress, strained relationships and Divorce

    Links provided at the end of the post.

    Work and Behavioral Change in IT Industry.

    In India there has been a Joint Family system till recently.

    It started breaking up about a decade back.

    Now the process has been hastened by the introduction of IT.

    Till the advent of IT, though the joint Family system was breaking up, the custom of the sons staying with his parents was continued.

    But after both the husband and wife have started earning from IT and Call Centers  this practice changed.

    Now the habit of the wife’s parents staying in the daughter’s Home is increasing while the parents of the Boy  live separately

    A case in which a Husband murdered his wife for constantly harassing him to live separately, in Bangalore last year!

    Though the Husbands declare they are ‘fast’ in Lifestyle, they are unable to come to terms with their spouses mixing freely with the other Sex in their Profession, though they may deny it.

    I have cases reported to me by the Husbands themselves!

    The value changes are difficult to adjust and it takes time.

    This is a high pressure point.

    Recognition and promotions in the IT Industry is related to performance(It is more pronounced in the IT sector).

    The Indian Male Psyche is not ready to absorb or adjust with it.

    In fact this is a global phenomenon, though it is illogical.

    Another issue is balancing Home and Work, especially for women.

    The issue becomes complex with the arrival of a Baby.

    How does one handle these issues?

    “The pressures of the modern workplace has made a bigger difference in the lifestyle of techies.
    India still has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world, with about one in 1,000 marriages collapsing, according to recent studies.
    But the courts are now seeing so many new cases that the government has proposed making divorce easier and faster, in line with other countries.
    “There has been a huge change, a drastic change and divorce rates are increasing,” Dr Geetanjali Sharma, a marriage counsellor working in Gurgaon, a wealthy Delhi satellite city, told the BBC.
    “There’s been a 100 percent increase in divorce rates in the past five years alone.They don’t want to put more efforts into a relationship to fix the issues.”
    Most of those splitting up are members of India’s thriving, urban middle class whose lives have been transformed by India’s boom, and whose aspirations are radically different to those of their parents and grandparents….

    The pressures of the modern workplace make a bigger difference, she thinks, than whether it was a traditional arranged marriage, or a so-called “love marriage”.

    The divorce rates in Kerala are going up. In 2009-10, the number of divorce cases numbered 11,600, with the majority being from the IT industry.

    “The situation is disturbing,” says Rajiv Menon (name changed), a senior legal practitioner, who works at the Family Court, Kochi. “Most couples who work in the IT industry break up within two to three years of marriage.” Rajiv puts it down to the odd working hours, usually at night, the high stress of the job, and an egoistic attitude.

    “The spouses adopt an attitude of superiority to each other,” he says. “There is also a lack of communication which causes many misunderstandings.”

    Meanwhile, Antony gives other reasons.

    “When they first join the industry, youngsters get swayed by the high incomes,” says Antony. “Many of them take to drinks, drugs, late night parties and watching porn on the internet.” Inevitably, the youngsters lose their equilibrium. “There is a widespread prevalence of pre-marital sex,” says Antony. “They have been influenced by the serials on TV which glorify pre- and extra-marital sex in order to garner good ratings.”

    IT professionals in troubled marriages are hacking into their spouse’s email account for proof of extramarital affair or salary, say lawyers and cyber experts.

    Cyber experts say a growing number of cases have come to light where couples are hacking into each other’s email accounts to collect evidence for divorce. And some are going a step further by fabricating electronic evidence for early separation reports NDTV
    Lawyers also claim that couples on the verge of separation are increasingly resorting to hacking techniques to score on each other.
    “No good lawyer would advise the litigants to hack into each other’s accounts, but we are coming across many litigants who come to us already in possession of sheets of conversation wherein it becomes clear that the other person is having a relationship outside of marriage that goes beyond mere friendship,” said Advocate Ajit Kulkarni.

    According to lawyers in the city, 30 percent of all divorces that happen in the city every year are among couples working in the IT sector, and 50 percent of them use hacking techniques to collect electronic evidence against each other.”

    http://ramanisblog.in/2013/01/30/stress-in-it-industry-causes/

  • Matrimony Site Match, Man Tries To Murder the Bride

    A man tried to Murder the Girl who was matched by the matrimony site Match.com , a Matrimony Service provider.

     

    Because of the latest stratification of the Society, economic affluence and  Technology people resort to matrimony site advertising.

     

    But one has to ensure that back checks are carried out by one self  and take care in collecting information and verify it .

     

    Personal visits are mandatory.

     

    It is safe to meet with the parents and enquire about the family directly and cross verify with neighbors diplomatically.

     

    Though the process is laborious and calls for tact, it is important as it involves Life.

     

    These suggestions are for Indian families who still think parents are important.

     

    I got my son married through Internet matrimony site tamil matrimony.com

     

    It  is not  correct to blame the matrimony site, as physical check of every one registers. is not possible.

     

    Story:

    matrimony site.
    matrimony site.

    Mary Kay Beckman first met Wade Ridley after the online service paired the two up in September 2010, and knew him for only 10 days before breaking up with him. Four months later, according to Courthouse News Service, on the night of Jan. 21, 2011, Ridley hid in her garage and eventually attacked her, stabbing her 10 times and kicking her in the head. Beckman is now suing Match.com for $10 million, citing negligence, negligent misrepresentation, deceptive trade, failure to warn and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

     

    In her official complaint, Beckman claimed that the site led her to believe that she’d end up in a  ”stable and loving relationship with another member” and didn’t properly warn her about the dangers of meeting ”an individual whose intentions are not to find a mate, but to find victims to kill or rape.” However, Beckman has not sued Ridley, whodied in prison last year while serving  a sentence of up to 70 years for the crime. (For the record, he was also wanted for killing an ex-girlfriend in Phoenix.)

    Following the attack, Beckman underwent several surgeries to repair her jaw, save her eyesight and hearing and to replace part of her skull, Courthouse News Service reports. She seeks $346,000 in economic damages, $5.4 million in noneconomic damages, and $4.1 million in punitive damages. In a statement, Match.com agreed that what happened to Beckman was “horrible” but said that the lawsuit was “absurd” and that the site cannot be held responsible for the actions of one “sick, twisted individual.”

    http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/01/25/woman-sues-match-com-after-date-tries-to-murder-her/#ixzz2J08KueFx

  • ‘Living Together’ Messes Up Life Study

    The case for Living together is basically one of embarking in a Relationship with out Commitment.

     

    Put it bluntly it is taken as a licence and a short route to Debauchery and sexual gratification a la animals with out a sense of responsibility.

     

    (some studies show Gorillas have a strong  sense of marital Commitment!)

     

    Some of the Reasons provided.Reason#1 – It’s financially responsible.

     

    Where I live, an apartment can run you somewhere between $700 and $1400.  Dropping an extra $1000/month seems like throwing your money down the drain.  If you’re a particularly “committed co-habitor” (yep, I like the term too :) ), you might even be building up equity in a home you’ve bought together.”

     

    You can do that even by Marrying.

     

    You spend all your time together anyways.  Like wasting money with rent, wasting time is equally frustrating.  You drive to each other’s places many times during the week.  You help each other with cooking and cleaning and laundry and bills.  Traveling back and forth, virtually living in two places, is kind of like the inconvenience of living out of a bag on a business trip.  It’s annoying.  If you want to be together, why all the running around?

    Reason #3 – It seems like a good next step in the relationship.  Consumers that we are in America, everything exists with a try it before you buy it clause.  Every infomercial promises that you can try it and return it in 30 days for a full refund.  And the bigger the purchase, the more you want to make sure it’s just right.  What kind of fool would buy a car before thorough inspection and testing?  Thankfully, marriage in our society today does, to a degree, maintain some semblance of “a big deal”.  Couples don’t want to rush into that.  Well, what about a “____ day money-back” transition period to see if this relationship truly feels right?  These test periods make sense in every other aspect of our lives, why not our relationships?

    Reason #4 – It’s so common.  By definition, nothing will make something seem like “not a big deal” faster than commonality.  I guarantee you know couples that are living together outside of marriage.  In fact, many of you, especially if you tend towards the younger generations, might know more couples that are living together than not.  It’s the age old, after-school-special argument of “How can it be that bad if everybody’s doing it?”  It was not, at least statistically speaking, common 40 years ago though.  Imagine that, after the sexually open-minded 60s, co-habitation was still considered fairly taboo.  People that lived together outside of marriage (particularly women – a strange double standard in our society that’s more appropriate for another article) developed reputations.  People don’t like bad reputations.  Regardless of ethnicity or religion, there is one word out there that young women don’t want to be called more than any other word.  Young people don’t call young girls promiscuous or even “skanky” anymore.  They call them this word – a word that will make a girl feel more worthless than any other – a destructive word that I guarantee is used at your child’s school.  40 years ago, living together with a man would earn a woman a label like this.  Not anymore.  In fact, if she’s only sexually active with one man, marriage or not, she’s virtually safe from labels today.  It’s just so common that it won’t warrant a subjective label like that.

    Reason #5 – We love each other.  Love is a funny word.  It’s a fascinating biblical word.  When a young couple chooses to live together because they love one another.

    Can one see any valid argument here?

    If ‘ we love each other’ why not marry?

    http://pastorjameshein.wordpress.com/2010/05/13/5-great-reasons-to-live-together-before-marriage-1-better-one-not-to/

     

    Reasons for Living together:

    • Economic or practical reasons.
    • Concerns about a long-term commitment.
    • Fear of divorce.
    • Convenience.
    • To give the relationship a trial run before marriage.
    • Lack of faith in marriage as an institution.
    • Escape from family home.
    • Compromise with partner who doesn’t want to be married.
    • Companionship.

     

    Sillier reasons , you can not find!

     

    What are the statistics on Living Together?

     

    Married or living together, 1981–2006
    Married or living together, 1981–2006

    Readily Available Cohabitation Facts

    • Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married.

     

    • Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.

     

     

    • In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.

     

     

    • Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn’t cohabit before marriage.

     

    Cohabitation Facts Rarely Mentioned

    • In France and Germany cohabiting couples have a slightly lower risk of divorce.

     

    • If cohabitation is limited to a person’s future spouse, there is no elevated risk of divorce.

     

     

    • In the U.S., cohabiting couples taking premarital education courses or counseling are not at a higher risk for divorce.

    http://marriage.about.com/od/cohabitation/qt/cohabfacts.htm

     

    Some more facts.

    • The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.
    • More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.
    • About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry.
    • Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.
    • Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.
    • A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.
    • (rayfowler.org.)

     

    Read this.

    Of the 45 percent or so who do marry after living together, they are 50 percent more likely to divorce than those who remained separate before the wedding.So instead of 22 of the 45 couples divorcing (the 50 percent divorce rate) about 33 will divorce. That leaves just 12 couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation who end up with a marriage lasting 10 years.

     

    LOPEZ: Isn’t it practical sometimes?

    http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/224058/no-way-live/interview

     

  • Emerging Caste System in India

    While decrying the scientifically arrived at caste System , India to day is crating a New Caste System.

    They Are.

    NRI Matrimony
    NRI Matrimony

    1.IT. Placed In India, Abroad.

    Sub system; India; salary 50,000 /m: and !00,000 plus.

    Abroad.

    US,EuropeSouth east  Asia.

    2.Doctors,-India Abroad.

    Sub Caste– India Surgeons,Doctors with Phd,Doctors without Ph.d.

    Style of earning: In Corporate Hospital, Private Hospital Own Hospital,Government Hospitals.

    Abroad: US,UK,Europe other Than Europe.

    3.Accountants. Abroad, India

    subcastes: Abroad; any Financial professional.

    India ;CA,Cost Accountancy, Company Secretary

    4.Executives.

    Abroad,India.

    Abroad; MNC

    India,MNC; other private companies with a five-figure salary.

    Lawyers.Any of the Above will do.

    Corporate; Abroad,India

    Urban and Rural:

    Both prefer Urban.

    Entertainment .Cinema,TV,Electronic Media;

    Prefer among themselves.

    Emerging, nascent castes.

    Homosexuals,Lesbians, Single parents,Divorces with out issues.

    That’s about it.

    Check if the groups  whether they would prefer any other alliance excepting from what Ia have listed above.

    Inform me of groups I have left out.

    I have deliberately left out discussions to invite comments.

    Related:

    Caste system has worked for India for centuries,excepting during British Rule.

    British used the Division of labor ,promoted by Caste System to Divide and Rule.

    Contrary to what people think, mistreatment of lower castes had not been in vogue prior to their regime. The Gods ,KrishnaRama, are not Brahmins.Rama is a Kshatriya and Krishna is a cowherd.Disposition and conduct determine caste and nothing else.

    As of today Caste in India exists for Politicians to garner votes .Ordinary Indian to-day does not think of Caste any more,especially the educated.

    Mistreatment of some castes are still on in India .It is practiced by some communities,like Kshatriyas(never by a Brahmin) because of old habits.This is also mending.

    http://ramanisblog.in/2009/09/29/caste-system-india-needs-reform/

    http://ramanisblog.in/2013/06/29/caste-is-necessary-unavoidable-introduction/

  • Some Indians Against Love Marriage ‘Neeya Naana’

    The issue of Love Marriage occupies an important decision-making  point in India,

    Though the number of love Marriages have increased in India, there are still lingering doubts about the success rate of these Marriages.

    The spate of Divorces of late have reignited the resistance to Love marriages, when it was on the wane and Love marriages were not beginning not to be frowned upon.

    I watched the successful Talk how ‘Neeya Naana‘ in Star Vijay on 21 January.

    This Talk show is a very rare show where there is some sense and purpose and is never staid  or Stale.

    Major credit is to the Anchor Mr.Gopinath.

    Now to the point on hand.

    Why are some people against Love marriages even at this Age?

    Let us look some facts.

    Before we proceed to analyse the points, let me add a few points on my impressions of the Show.

    The show was informative and engrossing.

    To be fair the anchor, as usual, did not have any pre conceived notions on the subject and drew the participants out.

    Protagonist for Love marriages’ assertion that it is only marriages that nurse he well-being og the Society and they talked as if Love marriage alone is the most important   point in one’s Life!

    In general, both people who are against  and for love marriages greed that Love marriages with out parents’ approval leave one in pain and the couple fend for themselves with out the approval from the relatives and the Society.

    They found that getting their children married pose a daunting problem.

    The problems for Love marriages with out parents approval  in India:

    1.The couple are disowned their parents.

    2.In case they fall into hard times, there is none to help them.

    3.If there is a misunderstanding between the couple, there is nobody to turn to diffuse the tension.

    4.Parents face social ostracism of sorts from the Society, even from the enlightened sections of the Society.

    5.Parents can not take part in any social discussions in Public, being branded as the parents of the ‘Eloped’

    6.Even if the couple who get married against their parents wishes, feel that the pain they have to undergo when their  parents disown them and feel totally humiliated when their children do not receive the warmth and affection from their parents as Grand father and Grand Mother.

    7.Parents though they said they were against these marriages, were favorably inclined to agree if the Boy has no vices and earn reasonably well to support a wife.

    The main concern of the parents , as is normal with a parent, is whether the Girl would suit the family or would end up breaking it.

    Being from two different environment- whether it would be easy to make adjustments for day-to-day Life.

    Love is fine but the question of adjustment in daily life?

    If one of the partners were to hail from another Religion, it becomes very oppressive to adjust to their behavior. however broad minded one is.

    What we ought to be is different from what we are.

    Even when people marry from similar backgrounds arranged by the parents one finds it difficult to adjust.

    This is natural as two personalities can never be identical.

    If this is so, what about the marriages from entirely different back ground including from the time one wakes up?

    Parents arrange marriages with the intention of making their children happy and at the same time ensure that the couple have the least point of known differences.

    This is practical.

    And this is not to say that all arranged marriages are  successful and Love Marriages are doomed to fail.

    The chances of Love marriages failing due to different Life Styles are greater.

    Then comes the question of Caste.

    In India it is fashionable to break down any cause to caste.

    Caste is nothing a feeling that one  higher than the other.

    This is inbuilt in the Human Psyche.

    Every one wants to assert that he a cut above the rest.

    People with similar way of living form into groups and they stick together.

    This is Human nature.

    One can not force one to like another

    It   is a personal choice.

    Nature and dispositions determine caste.

    It is fashionable to decry Caste without understanding the Concept which is based on Human nature.

    I noted in the progarmme that(though I am aware of it) that as to who are most open to inter caste marriages economic status being alright, it is the Brahmins (who are called the Higher caste, though they do not declare it!), they are in the fore front!

    It is a fact that the practice of ill-treating the so-called scheduled caste is by the other communities and not by Brahmins.

    How many cases of’ ‘Two Tumblers’ were practiced by the Brahmins?

    The recent attack on a dalit( an ingenious way of segregating a community, coined by , I think Ambedkar!) where  Community Homes were destroyed was instigated by the Vanniyar Community instigated by Ramadoss who runs a political out fit.

    They declare that  their community is being polluted by the dalit!

    Even those who declare that they would ‘kill their daughter’ if they marry outside the caste state that they would do nothing of the sort if the community they marry into happens to be a Higher One!( In fact a Man declared so in the show)

    In essence Love marriages are good.

    But they have to be tempered with a check on background.

    What one gets at the age of 17/ 18 is sexual attraction.

    It will not stand.

    Parents who have brought you up know what is good for you seek their guidance and be open with them.

    Parents must also not treat Love Marriages as some thing Evil.

    Check and if the Boy or Girl is good, the family and economic background is reasonably good, go ahead.

    Do not lose your children.

    They are our Blood.

    Marriages are personal issues, to be decided by the individuals and their families, in that order.

    The Social Activists, better look to their families first.

    Look at the families of some of the Self Respect Movement Leaders in Tamil Nadu,Illegal Children ,Bigamy and Concubines in Public.

    There was a talk in the show that the Tamil Culture speaks highly of Love.

    What people chose to ignore is that it never allows illegal liaisons .

    Nor does it approve of all love.

    If it were so why there is ‘kalavozhkkam,kaikkilai,madaleruthal’ in Tamil Literature?

    Point is that human nature has been the same especially On  Love ; there have been resistances, approvals.

    Do not try to misquote Tami by saying all Love was approved.