Tag: communication

  • Relationships, How Far? 

    There are volumes and volumes written on relationships these days.

    Many might think I am old fashioned, might be true, but we have taken to relationships naturally.

    It was not deliberate.

    We had, at least I have, two levels.

    One is family, friends and those who are close, the last mentioned need not be relatives, in fact it is not..

    The others are, well, just others.

    With the first category,  I do not think before I interact and express myself spontaneously without thinking or second guessing what the reaction or reply would be.

    No doubt, this leads to arguments especially in the family.

    But I do not carry it forward for the next second and I resume my talk after a heated exchange normally.

    In my opinion, you let your hair down and be natural with whom you love.

    There is no necessity of being deliberate or planning while interacting with them.

    That is what family is all about.

    Over thinking about relationships and communication skills, in my opinion, stunts the warmth of the relationship, though the words might be not too soft.

    The deliberation involved in communication between family members and close friends spoils the Bond and people become strangers.

    In my view that is not relationship.

    We are natural and outspoken with whom we love and the love is felt, not known.

    That’s it.

    Yet how far relationship can go?

    When you die,

    Relatives upto to your Home,

    Your wife is upto to the end of the street where you live,

    (Indian custom),

    Your son(who is expected to perform your last Rites), is upto the Crematorium, Grave.

    But the effects, results of your actions, Karma will be with you far beyond.

    This was beautifully expressed in a Tamil film song penned by the great poet Kannadasan.

    ‘வீடு வரை உறவு,

    வீதி வரை மனைவி,

    காடு வரை பிள்ளை,

    கடைசி வரை யாரோ,

    I have provided the meaning, after the line

    ‘ when you die’

    in the beginning of this article.

    Kannadasan ends the line as ‘who shall be till the Last’

    This thought is from Pattinathar a Yogi from Tamil Nadu who composed quite a few of the most profound Poems on Life, Shiva and Bhakti.

    I am providing the lunes from Pattinathar below.

    Pattinathar concludes as Results of actions, benevolent and not benevolent, Paap and Punya shall follow you till the last.
    அந்தமும் வாழ்வும் அகத்து மட்டேவிழி அம்பொழுக மெத்திய மாதரும் வீதி மட்டே

    விம்மி விம்மி இரு கை தலை மேல் வைத்து அழும் மைந்தரும் சுடுகாடு மட்டே

    பற்றித் தொடரும் இரு வினை புண்ணியம் பாவமுமே.
    andhamum vAzhvum agathu matte

    vizhi ambozhuga methiya mAdharum veedhi matte

    vimmi vimmi iru kai thalai mel vaithu azhum maindharum sudukAdu matte

    patrith thodarum iru vinai punniyam pAvamume

  • Mantra Debating Skills Communication

     

    There are three levels in communication in regard to its origin.

    The concept is formed in the Mind  and It does not require any language.

    The second in the stage when the concept formed needs an out let to express, in the form of language.

    The third is the handling of the language while one tries to express his/her thoughts.

    Communication at the level of Formation of Concept is controlled by Gayatri,

    the second level of formation of thoughts into language is by Savitri and the the handling of the language is in the realm of Sarasvati.

    god-saraswathi-images-and-wallpaper-11

    For more on this please read Three Levels of speech Gayathri Savitri Sarasvathi

    So for better debating skills and communication expertise, please follow this procedure.

    Have the following Yantra Drawn with Rice flour on a wooden plank.

    Only the lines and not the image.

    Write the Aksharas in the proper places

    Saraswathi Yantra for communication skills
    Saraswathi Yantra for communication skills

    Have Sarasvati image/Photo  on this wooden plank.

    Recite the Saraswathi Dadasa Nama twelve times a day for 45 Days

    Begin the mantra on Shukla Paksha(waxing of the Moon). on any of the following days.

    The days in the order of priority are,

    Shashti, the sixth day

    Chaturthi, the fourth day and

    Dasami.

    Naivedya, daily offering , Honey.

    On the concluding day sakkaraippongal or any sweet.

    Follow regular pooja procedures, like chanting in the morning after bath and Sandhyavandan, bedecking the Photo with flowers and performing aarthi.

    and begin with a Prayer to Ganesha

     

     

    Sarasvathi Dwadasa nama Stotra.

    offered by Bruhaspathi to Sarasvathi, Padma Purana.

    translation by Sri.P.R.R.Ramchander

    Citation.

    http://www.hindupedia.com/en/Saraswathyashtakam_IV

    1.Idhameva Maharaja  prushtavamsthe Pithamaha,
    
    BHeeshmam  dharma vidhaam Sreshtam  Dharmaputhro  Yudhishtra.
    
    
    Like this  king Yudhishtra who was the son of   Dharma , questioned ,
    
    Lord Bheeshma   who is the best among  those who know Dharma.
    
    
    2.Pithamaha Maha pragna, SArva sastra  Visharada ,
    
    Saraswathi sthvam punyam   guruna yath krutham  puraa
    
    
    Oh greatly wise   Grandfather  , who is an expert  in all Sastras,
    
    Lord Guru   has composed  a blessed prayer addressed  to Saraswathi earlier.
    
    
    3.THadaham srothum ichami , broohi may stotra muthamam,
    
    Saraswaythi mayam drushtwa, Veena pusthaka  Dharinim,
    
    
    I would like to hear that prayer  , so please   tell me that auspicious  prayer,
    
    After  looking at Goddess Saraswathi , who holds  the Veena and the  book.
    
    
    4.Hamsa vaha samayuktho , vidhya dhana  kari  mama,
    
    Pradhamam  Bharathi nama  , dwitheeyam cha Saraswathi.
    
    
    Riding  on the swan  , she   is the  one gives  me free that knowledge,
    
    First   she is called Bharathi   and second  she  is called   Saraswathi.
    
    
    5.Tritheeyam  SArada Devi , chathurtham Hamsa  Vahini,
    
    Panchamam  jagathi Khyatha , sashtam  Vaneeswari thadhaa
    
    
    Third   she  is Goddess  Sarada  , Fourth she is “One who rides on swan,”
    
    Fifth   she is called “Universe   famous” and sixth   she is called  “Goddess of speech.”
    
    
    6.Kaumari sapthamam prokthaa, cha ashtamam Brahma Charini,
    
    Navamam Budhi Dhatri cha dasamam vara   dhayini.
    
    
    Seventh she is called  “The lass”   and eighth she is called  “She who does  penance  on Brahmam”,
    
    Ninth    she is called  “Giver of intelligence” and tenth    she is called  “giver of bons.”
    
    
    7.Yekadasam Kshudrakhanda, dwadasam BHuvaneswari,
    
    Brahmi , dwadasa  naamani  tri sandhyam ya paden nare.
    
    
    Eleventh   she is called “one who has thorns “ and twelfth    as “Goddess  of universe”,
    
    And if a man reads at dusk, noon and dawn  these   twelve names of consort of Lord Brahma
    
    
    8.SArva sidhi kari thasya   prasanna Parameswari,
    
    Sa may vasathu jihvagre Brahma roopa Saraswathi
    
    
    She who gives   all powers is the   pleasing  greatest  Goddess ,
    
    And let her live on the tip  of the  toungue as Saraswathi   the form of Brahma.
    
    
    9,Yevam sthuthaa  thadhaa devi   , santhushtaa    Stotra padatha,
    
    Aathmaanam darsayamasa   Surya koti sama  Prabham.
    
    
    When the  goddess is praised this   way  , becoming happy   at the reading of the prayer m
    
    She showed   her own form  which is like billions of  Suns.
    
    
    10.Varam vreushneeswa bhadram they   yathe manasi vidhyathe.
    
    
    Safety be un to you  ,choose    the boon  that you  have  in your mind.
    
    
     Bruhaspathir Uvacha:
    
    The Guru of devas told:-
    
    Yadhi may Varada   Devi  jnanam   sidham  prayascha na  .
    
    
    If you are pleased me oh Goddess  , wont you grant me wisdom and  divine powers.
    
    
    11.Hantha  they nirmala jnanam  , kumathi dwamsa  karanam,
    
    Stotrenanena   ye  bhakthya   sthuvanthi   maneshina  
    
    
    To those men  who pray     using this prayer with devotion,
    
    I would   grant them pure knowledge   and destroy wicked knowledge.
    
    
    12.Labanthe paramam jnanam , yath parairapi   durlabham,
    
    Prapnothi   purusho  nithyam  Mahamaya  prasadatha.
    
    
    Due  to the grace of the great enchantress  people   would  get divine  knowledge,
    
    And also daily get   the     divinity , which  is difficult to achieve.
    
    
    13.Trisandhyam   prayatho nithyam   padeth ashtakamuthamam,
    
    Thasye kande   sadaa  vaasam   karishyaami na samsaya.
    
    
    If this great octet   prayer   is chanted daily at dawn, noon and dusk    
    
    I would always live in  his throat   and there  is no doubt   about it.
    
  • How To Nail Yourself By Yourself

    There seems to be a confusion between being Frank, Blunt  and Open.

    Shut  Up. gif.I find people, under the impression of being frank express what they think immediately, irrespective of whom they are talking to.

    One category is informing others of the opinions expressed by the third-party , in the passing.

    Some times to the party concerned!

    In the other case, it some how reaches the  one who made the initial comment and puts a strain in Relationships.

    In most cases, especially the younger brigade, it is the ‘in’ thing to declare that they are open with their spouses and that they disclose everything about them and their Life.

    Nothing can be more disastrous tahn this to damage the Married Life.

    There is  a difference to informing what is necessary and what is not important.

    By disclosing everything, you become vulnerable for attacks, which could have been avoided.

    It is not necessary to divulge every thing to every one, including wife.

    More harm comes out of it than good.

    Being open in these cases  may give egoistical euphoria that you are a frank person; other than that it achieves nothing.

    This is immaturity.

    Boldnes is being interpreted as being ‘brash,brutal”

    People use this boldness to say things what they think.

    If every one were to express their feelings about others there will no relationships standing.

    If truth is to be told is to be expressed in such a way that the message gets across and it does not offend.

    The other name of this Art is ‘Courtesy, Politeness

    But. there are some issues like extramarital affair(if you are serious about it), Financial dealing, Health issues-these issues should never be kept secret from the wife.

    Again there are some statements that we make ourselves about us, which would nail us in the long run.

    I read an article on this.

    Read On:

    1. It matters what others think
      My past used to be riddled with quiet thoughts of “If my house is decorated like this, I’ll look wealthy”, “If I drive this car, I’ll look professional”, or “If I share the real me, people may not want to spend time with me”. Remember, there’s a fine line between caring what people think out of courtesy and selling out on who you are a unique and gifted person.
    1. Comparing myself to others shows where I should be in life
      I’ve come to the conclusion that comparisons are a quick acting poison to our happiness. To think that there’s something or someone out there that’s “better” than us is a sure way to lose ourselves. Stop competing and comparing in an effort to be someone else. Instead, find gratitude for who you are.
    1. I’m only worthy after I’ve accomplished something notable
      We are inherently worthy. Once we believe that, we have a fighting chance at manifesting our dreams. I remember so many times where I didn’t take an opportunity or didn’t acquire a monetary item because I didn’t feel worthy of it. Pure silliness.
    1. I’m alone
      Solitude is a choice. This is one that I’ve personally fought. Part of me really wants to argue that I’m lonely. My gut knows that there are people all around me, if I’d only reach out in love and leave the victimhood behind.
    1. Authenticity just gets me into trouble
      Lack of sensitivity towards other people’s feelings is what gets us in trouble. Authenticity breeds human connection and trust.
    2. Source:

    http://www.theliesitell.com/ebook3.htm

  • Do Not Think But Feel For Others

    One of the disadvantages of being the head of the Family is the task of offering Advice.

    Emoticons
    Emoticons

    Some times your advice may not be needed on an issue.

    One does not know whether the information conveyed to you is for information, advice or for approval.

    Some times it is for information.

    In such cases if you offer advice, it is plain ignored , or worse you are told it is not required.

    On that score if you keep quiet  on other occasions, you are told that you are not involved.

    You have a Hobson’s’ Choice.

    In either case, you will be blamed.

    It is safe, in the interest of the family, offer Advice with no great hope of being paid heed to.

    In this case,if people do follow it is good; if not’ you do not get hurt because you did not expect to be heard.

    Another  scenario  is expressing one’s feelings.

    It is recommended that you express your feelings to others.

    It so happens that I am brought up in an environment where not much of expression of emotion was encouraged and the examples were set my Father and other menfolk.

    My father was of such a disposition, that when his father died, the body was in laid out in the Hall of the house in the Hindu manner, and there was my father reclining , apparently non nonchalantly  in an armed chair rocking gently.

    I was about 15 then.

    I asked him as to why he did  not cry for his father’s death.

    He replied,

    ‘If some one can guarantee that my father will come back alive if I cry, I shall.

    No amount of tears will bring him back.

    So why cry?

    On another occasion when my other was lying in bed seriously afflicted with Cancer, I was half asleep around by 100 am.

    My father woke me up gently and told me,

    ‘Your Mother is dead, now go to sleep’

    I was shocked.

    it is a different matter that my father who was nearly 110  kgs came down to bout 70 kgs in a matter of six months after my mother’ death.

    In another instance, when my father heard the news of my first wife’s death from me, he  did not react; he stood numb and promptly lost his power of hearing.

    Not that he did not feel, only that he did not find it necessary to express his anguish or feelings as, in his opinion, it is unnecessary.

    For him , his feelings are best with in himself.

    He did not seek other’s approval of his Love for others such out ward expressions.

    Before his death he told me ,

    ‘Some times, I think it is necessary that you let the others know what you  feel to make them feel good.

    There is nothing wrong, now I realize.

    Ensure that your emotions are genuine , not artificial .

    True.

    I am guilty of the same failing.

    Well it is difficult to change at my age.

    To be happy and make others happy, it is necessary to express one’s feelings.

    And avoid thinking for them, including offering advice.

    Now we seem to be doing the reverse,

    Thinking for other,not  expressing the feelings for them.

    Better change it,

  • Who Is More Mature, Men Or Women

    A Study has revealed that Men mature  later than Women.

    The term Maturity is relative and is subjective.

    Men and Women ,Maturity
    Maturity
    Maturity is measured differently from one Ethnic Group to another.

    Taking relative parameters to arrive at a conclusion, to me, seems incorrect.

    Story:

    UK comic series called Wendell & Vinnie, which features a 30-year-old bachelor who suddenly becomes the legal guardian of his mature 12-year-old nephew.

    “As a man, especially one who works for a children’s channel, the question if men ever reach maturity is one I am well accustomed to,” Tim Patterson, Nickelodeon’s programming director, said.

    The study confirmed the suspicions that men mature later than women. In fact, men were almost twice as likely to describe themselves as immature than women were, and one in four men believe they are actively immature. Three out of ten women ended a relationship because they lost patience with their man’s immaturity.

    The male and female perceptions of themselves and each other were alarming. Eight out of ten women believe that men will “never stop being childish.” Women defined the childish acts that bother them most as, passing gas, burping, eating fast food in the last hours of the night, and playing videogames.

    Women were twice as likely to experience the feeling that they were the grownup one in their current relationship. Forty-six percent of the female participants studied have had a relationship in which they felt they had to mother their male counterpart. Women claimed they actually had to tell their man to, “act his age” on an average of 14 times a year, more than once a month.

    Besides maturity, women yearned for communication. One quarter of women wished their partners would talk about themselves and what they felt more often. Women also felt they were the ones that made all the important decisions in their relationships.

    The study also exposed ” Men’s Top 30 Maturity Failings — As Experienced By Women” The top ten are listed as the following:

    1. Finding their own passing of gas and burps amusing
    2. Eating fast food at 2:00 AM
    3. Playing videogames
    4. Driving too fast
    5. Finding rude words amusing
    6. Driving with loud music
    7. Playing practical jokes
    8. Trying to beat children at games and sports
    9. Staying silent during an argument
    10. Not being able to cook simple meals

    http://www.medicaldaily.com/articles/16427/20130611/men-mature-after-women-11-years-british-study.htm#zPrupxcf1AhOTKRW.99

    Related:

    Women, generally, are good decision makers.

    Their decision-making is instinctive.
    Sometimes they deliberate over the’gut feeling ‘ and take a Deliberate decision:only then the decision goes awry.
    Women are wise spenders, not withstanding th jibes at their perceived preferences to Dress and jewelry.
    They normally are more empathetic than men.
    Their problem solving skills are intuitive.
    They are mentally tougher than men.
    They ,at times, place themselves and their families over any thing else.
    These are the traits I have observed and there are always exceptions.

    http://ramanisblog.in/2011/04/06/essential-skills-women-better-than-men/