Again, we normally are not aware and are reluctant to admit our short comings in a relationship.
It is only when we enter into a new relationship do we find that we get the doubt that we have our own shortcomings.
So the maladjustment leaves a scar in our psyche.
To remain in a relationship trying to bear with a partner who is incompatible and cruel is also a pain.
Is this why people say ‘Marriages are made in Heaven?” ,for better or worse-substitute relationship for marriage.
If the relationship is parents/siblings, children?
You can not divorce these.
In Sanskrit there are two words to describe these relationships.
One is Sondham, the other is Bandham.
Sondham is a relationship which is not your choosing-parents,siblings and children. You are stuck with it.
Bandham is what we choose( this might be wrong as well)-wife, acquaintances-you may be able to discard them.
Here’s how most of us who are thinking about leaving our marriage imagine divorce will be like: We’ve had it with our partner (or perhaps he’s decided the same about us and casts us aside, but let’s just say we’re the ones who want out and let’s say we’re the woman because women ask for divorce two-thirds of the time). We think — finally, freedom.
Now we no longer have to feel the brunt of his anger and criticism; we can stop nagging about how he doesn’t pull his weight around the house; we won’t have to fake being in the mood when we’re not, and we get to do and eat and watch whatever we want whenever we want to.
And, we have the kids, so we don’t have to bicker anymore over whose turn it is to bathe them or whether they can have ice cream for dessert if they didn’t finish everything on their dinner plate.
Not so fast.
Maybe that was what divorce was like back in the day when moms were almost always awarded full custody and dads could “visit” their kids. But those days are rapidly disappearing, according to University of Sydney law professor Patrick Parkinson, whose new book, “Family Law and the Indissolubility of Parenthood” (Cambridge University Press, 2011), details the major shift in family law and the incredible challenges ahead.
“Many of the conflicts about family law in the Western world today derive from the breakdown of the model on which divorce reform was predicated in the late 1960s and early 1970s,” he writes. The model he discusses assumed that divorce was a clean break; husband went his way, wife went hers and all was good. “The assumption was that once the property and the children had been allocated to one household or the other, each parent was autonomous. The divorce freed him or her from being entangled with the life of the other parent, except to a limited extent,” Parkinson writes.
But rarely has that been true. Most divorcees learn relatively quickly that although we’re no longer married and living together, we still have to deal with our former spouse in their continuing role as our kids’ mom or dad. He or she still has a say, and can nix our plans to move away for a new job or a new love. Divorce is no longer the end of a relationship; it’s a “restructuring of a continuing relationship.”
Which has made some of us as miserable divorced as we were in our marriage.
“People in unhappy marriages do not look to divorce as a way to restructure the relationship with their partners. They look to divorce to end that relationships, to set them free to start a new life, perhaps to move to a new location and to form new relationships,” Parkinson says.
But, not if you have kids. As Parkinson notes, “The experience of the last forty years has shown that whereas marriage may be freely dissoluble, parenthood is not.”
And a huge reason for the battles in family courts has been the “problem” of fatherhood, he says. It used to be that dads were mostly absent; now, he notes, we can’t get rid of dads: “Separation motivates some fathers to rethink their priorities and to try to maintain their connections to children even if this means struggle and conflict. Because fathers demand a greater involvement in their children’s lives after separation, there has been increasing conflict both at a policy level and at the individual level of litigated cases.” And it’s happening globally.
This is, of course, something to celebrate — dads wanting to be with their kids. Who wouldn’t want dads to be hands-on in a shared-parenting arrangement instead of mom having sole custody? Well, a lot of people, according to Parkinson. Although national statistics are hard to come by, a 2008 study of seven states he cites in his book indicates a dramatic increase in custody filings — 44 percent between 1997 and 2006 — at the same time that divorces had decreased in the U.S. by 3 percent.
Throw into the mix all sorts of new ways of partnering — from cohabitation to same-sex civil unions — and already convoluted and outdated family laws are being stretched in ways they can no longer handle, he says.
Unfortunately, whatever legal changes have occurred so far haven’t been driven by a “philosophical shift in the meaning of divorce,” but piecemeal and too often driven by “destructive gender conflict.”
Rita and John’s Marriage Certificate (Photo credit: mary hodder)
The details regarding the Registration of Marriages are as under.
For additional details please check with the Registrar, or Sub-Registrar of your city
‘Q1. What is the procedure for Solemnization of marriage / Registration of marriage?
i. Procedure for Registration under HMA.
ii. Procedure for Registration under SMA.
iii. Procedure for Solemnization of marriage under SMA.
Q. Where do I have to go and during which hours?
To the office of Additional Divisional Magistrate in whose jurisdiction any of the husband or wife resides, during 9.30 a.m. to 1.00 p.m. on any working day. The office is located in the DC office complex on main Mehrauli Badarpur Road and near Anupam Appt. for assistance of public, recption counter is manned during the offical hours for proper guidance. Necessary forms can also be obtained from Reception Counter or can be downloaded from this site.
Q. Which papers/documents/fees, do I have to take with me?
1. Hindhu/Special marriage Application form duly signed by both husband and wife. 2. Hindhu/Special marriage Documentary evidence of date of birth of parties (Matriculation Certificate / Passport / Birth Certificate) Minimum age of both parties is 21 years at the time of registration under the Special Marriage Act. 3.Residential proof of husband and wife . 4.In case of Special Marriage Act, documentary evidence regarding stay in Delhi of the parties for more than 30 days (ration card or report from the concerned SHO). 5. Hindhu marriage Affidavit by both the parties stating place and date of marriage, date of birth, marital status at the time of marriage and nationality. 6.Two Hidhu/Special marriage passport size photographs of both the parties and one marriage photograph. 7.Marriage invitation Hidhu marriage card, if available. 8. Hidhu marriage If marriage was solemnized in a religious place, a certificate from the priest is required who solemnized the marriage. 9.Rs. 10/- in case of Hindu Marriage Act and Rs.15/- in case of Special Marriage Act to be deposited with the cashier of District and the receipt should be attached with the application form. 10.Affirmation that the parties are not related to each other within the prohibited degree of relationship as per Hindu Marriage Act or Special Marriage Act as the case may be. For details of such relationships Click here. 11.Attested copy of divorce decree/order in case of a divorcee and death certificate of spouse in case of widow/widower. 12.In case one of the parties belong to other than Hindu, Budhist, Jain and Sikh religions, a conversion certificate from the priest who solemnized the marriage(in case of Hindu Marriage Act). 13. In case one of the parties is a foreign national, no objection certificate/marital Status certificate from the concerned embassy.
All documents excluding receipt should be attested by a Gazetted Officer.
Q. What will be the criteria used while deciding my case?
A) Hindu Marriage Act
Verification of all the documents is carried out on the date of application and a day is fixed and communicated to the parties for registration. On the said day, both parties, alongwith a Gazetted Officer who attended their marriage, need to be present before the ADM. The Certificate is issued on the same day
B) Special Marriage Act
Both parties are required to be present after submission of documents for issuance of public notice inviting objections. One copy of notice is pasted on the notice board of the office and copy of the notice is sent by registered post to marriage officer of the area where either of the parties having present/permenent address. Registration is done 30 days after the date of notice after deciding any objection that may have been received during that period by the ADM. Both parties alongwith three witnesses are required to be present on the date of registration/Solemenzation. For filing objection, register is available with the Dealing Assistant in the office of ADM(S).
Q. Are the advocates required for registration/ Solemenization.
Both the registration under HMA & SMA and solemenization of marriage under SMA is a very simple procedure and doesnot required any LEGAL HELP / ASSISSTANCE. It is advised that parties should present their case directly.
Q. What are the relevant Forms?
One copy of notice is pasted on the notice board of the office and copy of the notice is sent by registered post to marriage officer of the area where either of the parties having present/permenent address.
Q. When will I get a response?
In case of Hindhu Marriage Act, at the time of filing duly completed application form, a due date vide acknowledgement of receipt of application form is given . On that date necessary formalities can be completed. In case of registration / solemnization of marriage under Special Marriage Act, notice of 30 days after appearance of both the parties the marriage officer is mandatory. Once the application alongwith the prescribed document is presented, the date for appearance before the marriage officer is given vide acknowledgement
Solemnisation of Marriage under Special Marriage Act
Special Marriage Act, 1954 provides for solemnisation of marriages in accordance with the provisions of the Act. SDMs/ADMs/Deputy Commissioners have been authorised as Marriage Officers for this purpose.
Q. What will be the criteria used while deciding my case?
For solemnization of marriage, presence of both parties is required after submission of documents of issuance of notice of intended marriage. A copy of the notice is pasted on the office notice board by the ADM. Any person may within 30 days of issue of notice , file objection to the intended marriages. In such a case, the SDM shall not solemnise the marriage until he has decided the objection, within 30 days of its receipt. If the ADM refuses to solemnise the marriage, any of the parties may file an appeal within 30 days to the District Court. In case no objection is received, the ADM solemnises the marriage after 30 days of the notice. Both parties alongwith 3 witnesses are required to be present on the date of solemnisation of marriage. It is advisable to submit names of witnesses atleast one day in advance.
Degree of Prohibited relationship as per the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955
Section 3 (f):
i.”Sapinda relationship” with reference to any person extends as far as the third generation (inclusive) in the line of ascent through the mother, and the fifth (inclusive) in the line of ascent through the father, the line being traced upwards in each case from the person concerned, who is to be counted as the first generation;
ii.two persons are said to “sapindas” of each other if one is a lineal ascendant of the other within the limits of sapinda relationship, or if they have a common lineal ascendant who is within the limits of sapinda relationship with reference to each of them;8
Section 3 (g):
“degrees of prohibited relationship” – two persons are said to be within the “degrees of prohibited relationship” –
i.if one is a lineal ascendant of the other; or ii.if one was the wife or husband of a lineal ascendant or descendant of the other; or iii.if one was the wife of the brother or the father’s or mother’s brother or of the grandfather’s or grandmother’s brother of the other; or iv.if the two are brother and sister, uncle and niece, aunt and nephew, or children of brother and sister or of two brothers or of two sisters;
Explanation – For the purposes of clauses 3(f) and 3(g), relationship includes –
i.relationship by half or uterine blood as well as by full blood; ii.illegitimate blood relationship as well as legitimate; iii.relationship by adoption as well as by blood;
and all terms of relationship in those clauses shall be construed accordingly.
Degrees of Prohibited relationship as per the Special Marriage Act, 1954
Section 2 (b):
“Degrees of prohibited relationship” – a man and any of the persons mentioned in Part I of the First Schedule and a woman and any of the persons mentioned in Part II of the said Schedule are within the degrees of prohibited relationship.
Explanation (I) – Relationship includes, —
a.relationship by half or uterine blood as well as by full blood; b.illegitimate blood relationship as well as legitimate; c.relationship by adoption as well as by blood;
and all terms of relationship in this Act shall be construed accordingly.
Explanation (II) – “Full blood” and “half blood” – two persons are said to be related to each other by full blood when they are descended from a common ancestor by the same wife and by half blood when they are descended from a common ancestor but by different wives.
Explanation (III) – “Uterine blood” – two persons are said to be related to each other by uterine blood when they are descended from a common ancestress but by different husbands.
Explanation (IV) – In Explanations II and III, “ancestor” includes the father and “ancestress” the mother;
Sections:
CHAPTER-I
PRELIMINARY
1. Short title, extent and commencement
2. Definitions
CHAPTER-II
REGISTRATION OF MARRIAGES
3. Every marriage to be registered
4. Appointment of Registrar of Marriages, etc
5. Memorandum of Marriages
6. Memorandum of marriage submitted after thirty days, etc.
7. Register to be open for public inspection
8. Non-registration not to invalidate the marriage.
CHAPTER-III
DOWRY
9. Giving or taking of dowry prohibited
10. Agreement for giving or taking dowry to be void.
11. Dowry to be for the benefit of the wife or her heirs
CHAPTER-IV
LUXURY MARRIAGE TAX
12. Levy of luxury marriage tax
13. Levy and collection of marriage tax
CHAPTER-V
INTER –CASTE MARRIAGES
14. Inter-Caste marriage
CHAPTER-VI
CERTAIN RESTRICTIONS
Is the author saying that the Gay Marriage is to be sanctified by the Church?
He does not seem o believe in The Old Testament.
Stained glass at St John the Baptist’s Anglican Church http://www.stjohnsashfield.org.au, Ashfield, New South Wales. Illustrates Jesus’ description of himself “I am the Good Shepherd” (from the Gospel of John, chapter 10, verse 11). This version of the image shows the detail of his face. The memorial window is also captioned: “To the Glory of God and in Loving Memory of William Wright. Died 6th November, 1932. Aged 70 Yrs.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
If The Old Testament is to be questioned, The New Testament has no place , as The Old Testament is Primary.
The question of a Religion sanctifying Gay marriage does not arise.
None of the World Religions approve of Gay Relationship.
Gay relationship is not normal human behavior.
There is evidence that animals, like Chimpanzees engage themselves in Homosexual activity.
But to quote this o justify Human Gay activity as normal is incorrect.
If we were to accept this logic, we are none he better than the animals.
Religion, apart from ennobling the soul, is an instrument of Social Order.
Some behaviors in the Society are harmful to the Structure of society.
Therefore Society has called them Taboos.
People can also justify incest, by quoting Oedipus!
How absurd!
If Gay and Lesbian marriages are to be given Religious sanction, these behaviours, which are not normal, become rampant.
In a Society, an order has to be maintained.
(For further reading please read my blog on ‘Gay Marriages Legalised’
Human instinct if followed unchecked by Reason, will create problems at some stage for those who indulge in it and destabilize the Society in the long run.
Gays and Lesbians must realise that they have a problem and learn to live with it.
You can not force others to approve of it.
It is their prerogative.
Note: The Church itself is not beyond reproach, we have Gay priests, Lesbian Nuns and Paedophiles among them.
It is not to be taken as an example, but rather as a warning.
If one were to question the Origin of The Bible, the entire Bible can be discarded as the Bible was compiled by Constantine nearly 300 years after the Death of Jesus Christ.
Faith is something one should accept with heart,.
We know we can not control the Future and Death, this is Logic.
Do we accept it whole-heartedly ?
“Why do some people who would recognize gay civil unions oppose gay marriage? Certain religious groups want to deny gays the sacredeness of what they take to be a sacrament. But marriage is no sacrament.
Some of my fellow Catholics even think that “true marriage” was instituted by Christ. It wasn’t. Marriage is prescribed in Eden by YHWH (Yahweh) at Genesis 2.24: man and wife shall “become one flesh.” When Jesus is asked about marriage, he simply quotes that passage from Genesis (Mark 10.8). He nowhere claims to be laying a new foundation for a “Christian marriage” to replace the Yahwist institution.
Some try to make the wedding at Cana (John 1.1-11) somehow sacramental because Jesus worked his first miracle there. But that was clearly a Jewish wedding, like any other Jesus might have attended, and the miracle, by its superabundance of wine, is meant to show the disciples that the Messianic time has come. The great Johannine scholar Father Raymond Brown emphasizes this, and concludes of the passage: “Neither the external nor the internal evidence for a symbolic reference to matrimony is strong. The wedding is only the backdrop and occasion for the story, and the joining of the man and woman does not have any direct role in the narrative.”
The early church had no specific rite for marriage. This was left up to the secular authorities of the Roman Empire, since marriage is a legal concern for the legitimacy of heirs. When the Empire became Christian under Constantine, Christian emperors continued the imperial control of marriage, as the Code of Justinian makes clear. When the Empire faltered in the West, church courts took up the role of legal adjudicator of valid marriages. But there was still no special religious meaning to the institution. As the best scholar of sacramental history, Joseph Martos, puts it: “Before the eleventh century there was no such thing as a Christian wedding ceremony in the Latin church, and throughout the Middle Ages there was no single church ritual for solemnizing marriage between Christians.”
Only in the twelfth century was a claim made for some supernatural favor (grace) bestowed on marriage as a sacrament. By the next century marriage had been added to the biblically sacred number of seven sacraments. Since Thomas Aquinas argued that the spouses’ consent is the efficient cause of marriage and the seal of intercourse was the final cause, it is hard to see what a priest’s blessing could add to the reality of the bond. And bad effects followed. This sacralizing of the natural reality led to a demoting of Yahwist marriage, the only kind Jesus recognized, as inferior to “true marriage” in a church.
In the 1930s, my parents had a civil marriage, but my Catholic mother did not think she was truly married if not by a priest. My non-Catholic father went along with a church wedding (but in the sacristy, not the sanctuary) by promising to raise his children as Catholic. My mother thought she had received the sacrament, but had she? Since mutual consent is the essence of marriage, one would think that the sacrament would have to be bestowed on both partners; but my non-Catholic father could not receive the sacrament. Later, when my father left and married another, my mother was told she could not remarry because she was still married to my father in the “true marriage.” When he returned to my mother, and became a Catholic, a priest performed again the sacramental marriage. Since my father’s intervening marriage was “outside the church,” it did not count. What nonsense.
Those who do not want to let gay partners have the sacredness of sacramental marriage are relying on a Scholastic fiction of the thirteenth century to play with people’s lives, as the church has done ever since the time of Aquinas. The myth of the sacrament should not let people deprive gays of the right to natural marriage, whether blessed by Yahweh or not. They surely do not need—since no one does—the blessing of Saint Thomas.”
Genesis 2:23-24 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man,”
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother,
and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said,
“I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies,
they will cease;
where there are tongues,
they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge,
it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror;
then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
On the face of it, the decision to divorce the wife may sound unsound and silly.
The man who has a Great Grand child would definitely have thought about his as well.
If he has to decide to go in for Divorce at this age with the prospect of being laughed at,he must have had a strong reason.
I surmise that it is a feeling of having been betrayed by the one with whom he has been together for so long.
I think he is Right.
“The Italian man, identified by lawyers in the case only as Antonio C, was rifling through an old chest of drawers when he made the discovery a few days before Christmas.
Notwithstanding the time that had elapsed since the betrayal, he was so upset that he immediately confronted his wife of 77 years, named as Rosa C, and demanded a divorce.
Guilt-stricken, she reportedly confessed everything but was unable to persuade her husband to reconsider his decision.
She wrote the letters to her lover during a secret affair in the 1940s, according to court papers released in Rome this week.
The couple are now preparing to split, despite the ties they forged over nearly eight decades – they have five children, a dozen grandchildren and one great-grand child.
The discovery of the letters was the final straw for a marriage which had already run into difficulty – 10 years ago the husband briefly left their house in Rome and moved in with one of his sons, only to return a few weeks later.
The Italian press attributed the acrimonious split to the couple’s southern blood – he is originally from Olbia in Sardinia, while his wife was born in Naples.
The couple met during the 1930s when Antonio was posted as a young Carabinieri officer to Naples.
Contrary to what is believed, it is Women who chase Men, as A Study, based on nearly two-billion cellphone calls and close to 500-million Texts, reveals.
Stands true to Biology.
While the Male‘s job is to donate(?) Sperm and to ensure the well-being of the Offspring, it is th Female who carries the sperm in the womb and ensures the growth and spread of the Species.
Even this ‘ensuring the well-being of the Offspring’ seems to be limited to Mankind, for in the Animal Kingdom it is the Female who does this job, look a the Lions,Elephants,Chimps.
Another interesting fact is that in the Animal Kingdom it is the Male which spruces itself and appeals to female while in Man, the Female goes to Beauty Parlour.
Time more Men went to Beauty Parlours?
Sanskrit Wisdom says that a Man sees in his Daughters his Mother while a Boy sees a Hero in his Father.
Young woman using a mobile phone. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
After examining nearly two-billion cellphone calls and close to 500-million texts, researchers said they determined that women are more focused on relationships with the opposite sex than men are during their reproductive years, indicating that women are more invested in creating romantic ties.
As women age, however, their grown-up daughters become the people they most frequently contact, replacing their spouses as their “best friends.”
“What seems to happen is that women push the ‘old man’ out to become their second best friend, and he gets called much less often and all her attention is focused on her daughters just at the point at which you are likely to see grandchildren arriving,” Prof. Dunbar said.
BBC reports that men’s phone contact with their spouses also declined over time. Men called and texted their spouse most frequently during the first seven years of their relationship, then shifted their attention to other friends. (Of course, one could arguably interpret this another way: If you’re spending a lot of time with your spouse, you’re probably not contacting them via mobile phone.)
The researchers, who had access to the age and sex of the mobile phone users, said they based their findings on the assumption that mobile-phone communication reflects the most important relationships in people’s lives and the level of closeness of those relationships.
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