Dear The Onion,
Unfortunately, I have to cancel my subscription since I’m joining a monastery and taking a vow of blindness.
— Johnny Chen, Vienna, VA
http://www.theonion.com/articles/blindness-vow,29402/?utm_source=09-04-12&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=daily_dispatch
Dear The Onion,
By the time you read this I will have canceled my subscription. I know this may be difficult for you to hear, but I’ve found another newspaper that informs me in ways I never thought possible. It’s the Dubuque Telegraph Herald and I’m moving to Iowa to be with it. I’m sorry. Take care of yourself.
— Ethan Thompson, Seattle, WA
Dear The Onion,
This election race isn’t about people being black, white, yellow, or green for that matter. I support Ron Paul, whose skin is a rich, velvety purple dotted with flashing orange triangles.
— Joel Harrison, San Dimas, CA
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