Ramanisblog

Tag: divorce

  • Divorced Women To get Husband’s Inherited Property

    Hindu Marriage,Ammi Mithithal
    Ammi Midithal
    Ammi Midithal
    The groom touches the feet of the bride and lifts her right foot gently and places it on the Ammi(grinding stone). This signifies her hope that their union may be as firm and steadfast as the grinding stone.

    Women , not all of them but the self-styled feminists, would like one to believe that they are being discriminated by Men,want Equal Rights with Men.

    They also say that they are not weak , can do what a Man could do.

    In the same breath they expect Men to be chivalrous and give, as a courtesy(!?), to give priority to women in Public, say like allowing them the first right of passage,special seats for them in Trains buses, special timing and excuses for leave in the work place.

    To me if you want to be equal to Men , you should expect to be treated like men.

    To garner votes, the Government of India has gone overboard.

    The Cabinet has given the nod for the following proposals.

    “A wife will have a share in her husband’s inherited or inheritable marital property on divorce, though the exact quantum of the compensation has been left to the discretion of the judge, according to a legislation that was cleared by the Union Cabinet on Wednesday.

    The Cabinet also cleared the proposal that in cases where divorce has been sought on mutual consent of both parties the judiciary has been given the discretion to grant divorce to one party after a period of three years, even if the man and the wife are no longer on the same page. These were part of the recommendations of the GoM on Marriage Laws Amendment Bill which will now be amended suitably before being brought to Parliament during the monsoon session, beginning August 5.

    By not quantifying the amount of compensation the government has moderated its earlier proposal to give a wife “equal” share in marital property. The ministers felt that a judge could decide on the quantum of compensation after taking into account an entire set of considerations such as the disposable income of both husband and wife, conditions like who will bear the primary responsibility of raising the children and claimants on the “inheritable property.”

    If you do not want to live with a Man, why do you want his property?

    Are men returned the favor?

    How many divorced women pay Alimony to their ex Husbands?

    Relationship is about understanding and compromising one with the other.

    If you want to end it, it should be with lock, stock and barrel, not what is convenient,.

    While cases about Men walking out of relationships, Marriages, is widely reported, women indulging in this, never gets reported for the man considers that it is an insult to divulge it and Dog bites Man is not News.

    I know a case, where a woman deliberately pretended to love a  Boy , got married, drugged him with the help of her mother for three years and tried to get his property worth one crore and finally settled for 30 lakhs!..

    If in a relationship, if either wants any thing more than the Relationship, other than Love, Care and Affection, in my dictionary it is, sorry for using this, Prostitution.

    (Desertion , if proved, is a different matter and has to be strictly dealt with by Punishment and Compensation, this applies to both sex).

    The other proposal of granting divorce after three years, even if one party is not willing or has a change of mind, Divorce is to be granted.

    So the aim is to see that the Institution of marriage is broken, no compromise.

    Then why do you have family Courts for Divorces, simply follow ‘Talaq,talaq, talaq’ and be done with it.

    However I am not against Divorces if either the husband or wife is unfaithful , neglectful of the other and embark on cruelty.

    This point is common to bth sex.

    There is a mistaken impression that there is no cruelty being practiced by Women.

    It is erroneous.

    It exists more than one thinks.

    Men do not admit it.

    One of my friend used say that many Men in India go through married Life, because they feel it is their duty to go through it,let me suffer silently.

    In India if men were to go for Divorce for reasons like cruelty by wives,well, about 80% of Marriages would have broken long ago.

    I expect comments like Male Chauvinist Pig‘ ‘Sucking Pig, a Muslim(!?), who brings dishonor to Islam!

    These comments are real and were approved and published in my site.

    * I am not a Divorcee, am happily married with Grand children..

    To me family is the most important institution one has to respect and men have the responsibility of taking car of it, including wife.

    Marriage is not a walkers Association to walk away when you feel like it.

    Wife has to be respected, listened when it is worth not otherwise, to me no compromises just to please, what is in the best interests of the family, will be done.

    There is a Sanskrit slaoka which says,

    ‘Listen to women and children int the Family, take decisions in the interest of the family’

    ‘Do not discuss economic difficulties with Children, Wife and Gussets, they can not understand, you carry the burden”

    I find this to be practical.

    The issue of accepting money from your wife,.

    You take Financial assistance from your wife for the family.

    You had it, you would be reminded and insulted to the end of your Life.

    Ask any man who has taken Money from his wife.

    News Source:

    http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Now-women-will-get-share-of-husbands-inherited-property-on-divorce/articleshow/21128781.cms

     

     

     

     

  • Increased Divorces IT Contribution of Stress

    The incidence of Divorces in India are rising .

    But on a Global scale India ranks at the lowest in The Wold.

    Divorce Statistics.

    Statistics shows that only 1 out of 100 Indian marriages end up to a divorce which is quite low in comparison to America’s 50% of marriages turning into breakups.

    The divorce rate in Indian villages is even lower in comparison to urban India.
    The following figures will help you to get an idea about the divorce rate in India with respect to global divorce rate.

    • Sweden – 54.9%
    • United States – 54.8%
    • Russia – 43.3%
    • United Kingdom – 42.6
    • Germany – 39.4%
    • Israel – 14.8%
    • Singapore – 17.2%
    • Japan – 1.9%
    • Srilanka – 1.5%
    • India – 1.1%

    http://www.indidivorce.com/divorce-rate-in-india.html

    The rate of divorce in India was even low in the previous decade, where only 7.40 marriages out of 1,000 marriages were annulled.

    However,Divorce rates in India are increasing.

    “The past one year has witnessed 43,000 divorces across the country. However, owing to the awareness relating to men’s rights nationwide, the number of divorce by mutual consent has also gone up. Today, statistics shows 60 per cent of the divorces is by mutual consent.

    Among states with the highest number of divorces, Maharashtra topped the list in the past year, accounting for nearly 20,000 cases, with Mumbai and Pune alone accounting for 15,000 of them, while the remaining were reported from Nashik, Aurangabad and Nagpur

    http://www.rediff.com/news/report/maharashtra-tops-nation-in-divorce-cases/20120330.htm

    Divorce statistics indicate that in the last couple of decades, the number of married persons in the U.S. has significantly dropped down. The percentage of married people in U.S. was lower than 60% in 2002 compared to 72% in 1970. The reason for the failure for 80% of the marriages is “irreconcilable differences” among couples. The chances of the first marriage ending in a divorce vary. According to the divorce statistics, 20% of first marriages fail after 5 years, 33% after 10 years whereas 43% end in divorce after 15 years.
    Divorce statistics indicate that in the last couple of decades, the number of married persons in the U.S. has significantly dropped down. The percentage of married people in U.S. was lower than 60% in 2002 compared to 72% in 1970. The reason for the failure for 80% of the marriages is “irreconcilable differences” among couples. The chances of the first marriage ending in a divorce vary. According to the divorce statistics, 20% of first marriages fail after 5 years, 33% after 10 years whereas 43% end in divorce after 15 years.

    Divorce rates in The IT sector are higher as compared to other sectors.

    Lawyers say that lifestyle change is one of the primary reasons for marriages ending in divorce.

    Around five years ago, the ratio was one divorce per 1,000 marriages in India , and today statistics indicate that there are 13 divorces for every 1,000 marriage.

    The main reasons attributed to the break-up of marriages in India today are related to equal income between sexes and the high stress levels.

    The maximum number of divorces is among call centre employees, medical professionals and those in the technology sector.

    I had already discussed the work pressure/Culture in The IT industry contributing to Stress, strained relationships and Divorce

    Links provided at the end of the post.

    Work and Behavioral Change in IT Industry.

    In India there has been a Joint Family system till recently.

    It started breaking up about a decade back.

    Now the process has been hastened by the introduction of IT.

    Till the advent of IT, though the joint Family system was breaking up, the custom of the sons staying with his parents was continued.

    But after both the husband and wife have started earning from IT and Call Centers  this practice changed.

    Now the habit of the wife’s parents staying in the daughter’s Home is increasing while the parents of the Boy  live separately

    A case in which a Husband murdered his wife for constantly harassing him to live separately, in Bangalore last year!

    Though the Husbands declare they are ‘fast’ in Lifestyle, they are unable to come to terms with their spouses mixing freely with the other Sex in their Profession, though they may deny it.

    I have cases reported to me by the Husbands themselves!

    The value changes are difficult to adjust and it takes time.

    This is a high pressure point.

    Recognition and promotions in the IT Industry is related to performance(It is more pronounced in the IT sector).

    The Indian Male Psyche is not ready to absorb or adjust with it.

    In fact this is a global phenomenon, though it is illogical.

    Another issue is balancing Home and Work, especially for women.

    The issue becomes complex with the arrival of a Baby.

    How does one handle these issues?

    “The pressures of the modern workplace has made a bigger difference in the lifestyle of techies.
    India still has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world, with about one in 1,000 marriages collapsing, according to recent studies.
    But the courts are now seeing so many new cases that the government has proposed making divorce easier and faster, in line with other countries.
    “There has been a huge change, a drastic change and divorce rates are increasing,” Dr Geetanjali Sharma, a marriage counsellor working in Gurgaon, a wealthy Delhi satellite city, told the BBC.
    “There’s been a 100 percent increase in divorce rates in the past five years alone.They don’t want to put more efforts into a relationship to fix the issues.”
    Most of those splitting up are members of India’s thriving, urban middle class whose lives have been transformed by India’s boom, and whose aspirations are radically different to those of their parents and grandparents….

    The pressures of the modern workplace make a bigger difference, she thinks, than whether it was a traditional arranged marriage, or a so-called “love marriage”.

    The divorce rates in Kerala are going up. In 2009-10, the number of divorce cases numbered 11,600, with the majority being from the IT industry.

    “The situation is disturbing,” says Rajiv Menon (name changed), a senior legal practitioner, who works at the Family Court, Kochi. “Most couples who work in the IT industry break up within two to three years of marriage.” Rajiv puts it down to the odd working hours, usually at night, the high stress of the job, and an egoistic attitude.

    “The spouses adopt an attitude of superiority to each other,” he says. “There is also a lack of communication which causes many misunderstandings.”

    Meanwhile, Antony gives other reasons.

    “When they first join the industry, youngsters get swayed by the high incomes,” says Antony. “Many of them take to drinks, drugs, late night parties and watching porn on the internet.” Inevitably, the youngsters lose their equilibrium. “There is a widespread prevalence of pre-marital sex,” says Antony. “They have been influenced by the serials on TV which glorify pre- and extra-marital sex in order to garner good ratings.”

    IT professionals in troubled marriages are hacking into their spouse’s email account for proof of extramarital affair or salary, say lawyers and cyber experts.

    Cyber experts say a growing number of cases have come to light where couples are hacking into each other’s email accounts to collect evidence for divorce. And some are going a step further by fabricating electronic evidence for early separation reports NDTV
    Lawyers also claim that couples on the verge of separation are increasingly resorting to hacking techniques to score on each other.
    “No good lawyer would advise the litigants to hack into each other’s accounts, but we are coming across many litigants who come to us already in possession of sheets of conversation wherein it becomes clear that the other person is having a relationship outside of marriage that goes beyond mere friendship,” said Advocate Ajit Kulkarni.

    According to lawyers in the city, 30 percent of all divorces that happen in the city every year are among couples working in the IT sector, and 50 percent of them use hacking techniques to collect electronic evidence against each other.”

    http://ramanisblog.in/2013/01/30/stress-in-it-industry-causes/

  • Stress In IT Industry Causes

    Though the Stress factor is responsible for suicide and Divorces, to cite some areas, it affects the people in  the IT Industry more.

     

    As mentioned my earlier post it is the not normal working rhythm as a consequence,irregular food habits, lack of physical exercise,varying sleep pattern, setting up of high and unrealistic goals( most of them set for  to suit the Company’s needs,assumption of fake IDs  as in the case of Call Centers and BPOs,less time for persoanl interaction with the family(includes, apart from wife and children, parents and relatives, high Income at a young age, not finding enough time to manage family affairs, Peer pressure, multiple chains of commands and reporting and constant thinking of job all the time(the IT people would deny this) are some of the pressure points.

    Stress and Anxiety.
    Stress Reaction

     

    “If you’re in a position within the IT business, you’ll know that you’re expected to come to grips with huge amounts of information. So it’s normal that, from time to time, you’ll find yourself out of your comfort zone. How do you tell the difference between normal stress and something more serious?

    The signs of stress

    While the signs of stress can vary significantly from person to person, cognitive impairment is common. Indecision, forgetfulness, negative thinking, loss of confidence and a lack of concentration are all classic symptons. Physical symptoms can include hair-loss, muscle-tension, sweating and nail-biting. Stressed people make more mistakes, smoke or drink more, are more prone to accidents, and suffer from insomnia, loss of appetite and self-neglect.

    So how do you combat stress? First of all, keep active and maintain your interests outside of work – many stressed people give up on exercise or hobbies, but not having an outlet for stress can make things even worse. Try to take a more positive approach to situations: adapting to change and viewing new situations in a more positive light will be crucial to dealing with stressors. And if you do recognise some of the symptoms listed, visit your GP and explain any concerns and symptoms.

    As career consultant Sherridan Hughes points out, “No working environment is pressure-free and jobs in IT are no exception. How you adapt to changing circumstances is key to your ability to handle potentially stressful situations in a more positive way.”

    If this ‘stressed out’ feeling is about too much work and not enough time, you may want to reconsider how you deal with people from other areas of the business making demands, all assuming that their request should take priority.

    Log each request and attend to them in the order they were received, making sure any legal or regulatory pieces of work get done quickly.

    Some elements to consider for effective prioritisation in IT:

    1. Who is making the request and how senior are they?

    2. Is it a ‘must-do’ or just a ‘nice to do’? Is it a legal, regulatory or industry standard that needs to be met? Will it hinder your competitiveness as a firm until it is done?

    3. How does it fit in with the company strategy and priorities?

    4. What are the dependencies? Who does it affect if it doesn’t happen immediately?

    Of course, it’s vital to ask your line manager’s advice about prioritising requests, but he or she will be more impressed if you come to them with a suggested solution, rather than just a problem.

    Rethinking your life at work

    Of course, if you’ve taken all the suggested steps but you’re still aren’t enjoying your work, then perhaps it’s time to consider a job move.

    You might prefer a different role within IT or a different type of organisation – perhaps of a different size or in a different industry. Sherridan Hughes adds, “Being mismatched to your role or organisation can result in significant feelings of stress. Within IT there are many different roles: web developer jobs, for example, are more creative, while IT project manager jobs are more people-focused. Consider your areas of strength and where you would like your IT career to develop, and then plan a move accordingly.”

    Many people have been sitting tight during the recession and still believe it is ‘all firing and no hiring’ in the market – but you may be pleasantly surprised to find a new IT job that is a better match for your skills and personality – as well as leaving you a lot less stressed out.”

    http://www.cwjobs.co.uk/careers-advice/it-contracting/handling-stress

     

     

    The handling of this calls for a different Perspective to work Culture,where one learns to  distinguish between Job,Work and Career.

     

    Evaluation of personal Dispositions, Aptitude and Attitudes are called for.

     

    to be contiued

    Related articles

  • ‘Living Together’ Messes Up Life Study

    The case for Living together is basically one of embarking in a Relationship with out Commitment.

     

    Put it bluntly it is taken as a licence and a short route to Debauchery and sexual gratification a la animals with out a sense of responsibility.

     

    (some studies show Gorillas have a strong  sense of marital Commitment!)

     

    Some of the Reasons provided.Reason#1 – It’s financially responsible.

     

    Where I live, an apartment can run you somewhere between $700 and $1400.  Dropping an extra $1000/month seems like throwing your money down the drain.  If you’re a particularly “committed co-habitor” (yep, I like the term too :) ), you might even be building up equity in a home you’ve bought together.”

     

    You can do that even by Marrying.

     

    You spend all your time together anyways.  Like wasting money with rent, wasting time is equally frustrating.  You drive to each other’s places many times during the week.  You help each other with cooking and cleaning and laundry and bills.  Traveling back and forth, virtually living in two places, is kind of like the inconvenience of living out of a bag on a business trip.  It’s annoying.  If you want to be together, why all the running around?

    Reason #3 – It seems like a good next step in the relationship.  Consumers that we are in America, everything exists with a try it before you buy it clause.  Every infomercial promises that you can try it and return it in 30 days for a full refund.  And the bigger the purchase, the more you want to make sure it’s just right.  What kind of fool would buy a car before thorough inspection and testing?  Thankfully, marriage in our society today does, to a degree, maintain some semblance of “a big deal”.  Couples don’t want to rush into that.  Well, what about a “____ day money-back” transition period to see if this relationship truly feels right?  These test periods make sense in every other aspect of our lives, why not our relationships?

    Reason #4 – It’s so common.  By definition, nothing will make something seem like “not a big deal” faster than commonality.  I guarantee you know couples that are living together outside of marriage.  In fact, many of you, especially if you tend towards the younger generations, might know more couples that are living together than not.  It’s the age old, after-school-special argument of “How can it be that bad if everybody’s doing it?”  It was not, at least statistically speaking, common 40 years ago though.  Imagine that, after the sexually open-minded 60s, co-habitation was still considered fairly taboo.  People that lived together outside of marriage (particularly women – a strange double standard in our society that’s more appropriate for another article) developed reputations.  People don’t like bad reputations.  Regardless of ethnicity or religion, there is one word out there that young women don’t want to be called more than any other word.  Young people don’t call young girls promiscuous or even “skanky” anymore.  They call them this word – a word that will make a girl feel more worthless than any other – a destructive word that I guarantee is used at your child’s school.  40 years ago, living together with a man would earn a woman a label like this.  Not anymore.  In fact, if she’s only sexually active with one man, marriage or not, she’s virtually safe from labels today.  It’s just so common that it won’t warrant a subjective label like that.

    Reason #5 – We love each other.  Love is a funny word.  It’s a fascinating biblical word.  When a young couple chooses to live together because they love one another.

    Can one see any valid argument here?

    If ‘ we love each other’ why not marry?

    http://pastorjameshein.wordpress.com/2010/05/13/5-great-reasons-to-live-together-before-marriage-1-better-one-not-to/

     

    “Reasons for Living together:

    • Economic or practical reasons.
    • Concerns about a long-term commitment.
    • Fear of divorce.
    • Convenience.
    • To give the relationship a trial run before marriage.
    • Lack of faith in marriage as an institution.
    • Escape from family home.
    • Compromise with partner who doesn’t want to be married.
    • Companionship.

     

    Sillier reasons , you can not find!

     

    What are the statistics on Living Together?

     

    ”

    Married or living together, 1981–2006
    Married or living together, 1981–2006

    Readily Available Cohabitation Facts

    • Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married.

     

    • Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.

     

     

    • In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.

     

     

    • Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn’t cohabit before marriage.

     

    Cohabitation Facts Rarely Mentioned

    • In France and Germany cohabiting couples have a slightly lower risk of divorce.

     

    • If cohabitation is limited to a person’s future spouse, there is no elevated risk of divorce.

     

     

    • In the U.S., cohabiting couples taking premarital education courses or counseling are not at a higher risk for divorce.

    http://marriage.about.com/od/cohabitation/qt/cohabfacts.htm

     

    Some more facts.

    • The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.
    • More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.
    • About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry.
    • Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.
    • Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.
    • A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.
    • (rayfowler.org.)

     

    Read this.

    Of the 45 percent or so who do marry after living together, they are 50 percent more likely to divorce than those who remained separate before the wedding.So instead of 22 of the 45 couples divorcing (the 50 percent divorce rate) about 33 will divorce. That leaves just 12 couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation who end up with a marriage lasting 10 years.

     

    LOPEZ: Isn’t it practical sometimes?

    http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/224058/no-way-live/interview

     

  • Lawyer has Sex with Client, Bills Her!

    We know there are lawyers who chase Ambulances and are in pursuit of Bills in general.

     

    In a rare case a Divorce lawyer has sex with his client and Billed her.

     

    Story:

    Lawyer Bills Client for Sex
    Thomas P. Lowe, 58, of Eagan,

    A Minnesota lawyer has been suspended indefinitely for billing a divorce client for time they spent having sex.

    The state Supreme Court invoked the suspension against Thomas P. Lowe, 58, of Eagan, in a ruling last Thursday, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported Tuesday. Lowe will have to wait at least 15 months before getting an opportunity to seek reinstatement.

    The newspaper said Lowe had known the woman for many years. He became her attorney in her divorce case after she came to him in August 2011.

    They soon began an affair that lasted for several months, during which Lowe, who was married, periodically billed her for legal services provided at the times they were having sex, the newspaper. Their liaisons were coded as meetings or drafting memos.

    After their relationship became acrimonious, Lowe told her he was ended it and soon thereafter said he would no longer be her attorney.

    At that point, the woman tried to kill herself and while in the hospital revealed the affair, the newspaper said.

    The Office of Lawyers Professional Responsibility subsequently filed a case against Lowe and court documents show he eventually admitted the allegations.

    The newspaper said it was unable to reach Lowe for comment

    Source:    http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2013/01/15/Lawyer-has-sex-with-client-then-bills-her/UPI-36251358289564/#ixzz2IcPUptb7