Ramanisblog

Tag: Wedding

  • South Marrying a North Indian Girl

    I have remarked elsewhere in my posts about some of my relatives getting married to North Indian Girls.

    This post is about how compatibles the families were and after before the marriage .

    North marries South
    Tying Managl Sutra Thaali, South Marraige

    A look into the actual apprehensions , misapprehensions as well.

    One boy got married to a Kashmiri Girl and another a Punjabi.

    Lest people may think I am generalizing about all the communities, Let me say that both the girls were Brahmins.

    Different perspective may be required for opinions on marrying a North Indian and from another community.

    Under this category , I have a cousin of mine who got married to a girl from Bengal from another community and the marriage is not what it should be.

    However in the present cases there were identical initial objections that normally come in the case of Love marriages that arise even while marrying within the Community.

    Wedding North Indian Style
    North Indian Wedding

    “We do not know the family”

    “We do not know their background”

    In the case of marrying to a North Indian the major objection from South Indians  is that North Indian Brahmin Culture is different, they are too easy going to adapt to South Indian family vales, they spend too much, and they take unnecessary risks in Life and career.

    All the problems were present in the marriages I have mentioned.

    And another observation from the South is that the Girl’s side may not agree to South Indian Style of marriage and this the South considers as a sacrilege.

    Whatever be the divide between the North and the South , they are united in this objection!

    ( Let me add, many will consider me as a heretic, that by looking at some of the South Indian marriages being conducted, I feel that it is better to have a registered marriage, for to such level  marriage as  religious ceremony has descended to with everything being done at the convenience of the people and for Pomp)

    The major difference between the North and South Indian marriages are the performance of Marriage in the evening and the non use of Thaali in many North Indian marriages.

    The North Indian marriage has Kanyadhaan, Panigrahan and Sapthapathi.

    Technically this is the correct Vedic marriage procedure.

    Thaali is a concept taken by Aapasthamba, while composing the Aapasthamba Sutra for people living south of the Vindhyas.

    Please read my post on this.

    So the objection on these grounds seem to be trivial.

    Another difficulty faced by the Boys’ parents is that they are used to demanding money from the Bride’s side during the Marriage while in the North Indian marriages(at least in Punjabi and Kashmiri at least) the Boys’ parents are made to shell out for the bride in the form of  more jewellery and gifts to her relatives.

    But once these initial hiccups are over, the parents of both he children have become very close and each tries to accommodate the other!

    The level of looking after the guests is some thing seen to be believed.

    And , irrespective of family misunderstandings, (which family does not have), the relatives rally around and take a personal interest, not delegating things to Agencies, even though they have arranged things through the Agencies.

    And I have found the girls, though they are  very well employed and hail from well to do families, to be very respectful, easy-going and at ease  with the new-found relatives.

    Though I am not related to these boys closely they often call me up for no specific reason but to chat and enquire about my family and they in general are good.

    But this depends on how one interacts with them.

    If you keep to your own without interfering into their affairs, which we have no business to, and offer advice when sought for, every thing is fine.

    Other wise, things might go awry as with modern girls

    .Considering  some case of married South Indian Girls, the North seems to better.

    Do not take cudgels for this view as this is my experience and my conviction is that a North Indian Girl would do nicely for a South Indian Boy.

    The other sides, that of the North Indian Girl’s point of view and the experience of a South Indian Girl marrying to a North Indian Boy, I do not know.

    * The Couples seem to be happy.

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  • Seven Types Of Tamil Marriages

    There are eight types of Marriages described in the Sanatana Dharma , the Vedic way of Life, as sanctioned by the Smritis.

    What are the types of marriages allowed in the Tamil Culture which is as old and rich as Sanskrit and Sanatana Dharma.?

    A study of the ancient Taml work Tholkappiyam, which is regarded as the most ancient Tamil work that deals with Tamil Grammar apart from dealing with Tamil way of Life.

    It defines Tamils’  way of Life.

    The Vedic Hinduism lists

    kalitiogai Poem
    Tamil Literature Poem kalotogai

    Seven types of Marriages.

    1.Brahmah Vivaah

    2.Prajapatya Vivaah.

    3.Arsha Vivaah.

    4.Daiva Vivah.

    5.Asura Vivaah.

    6.Gaandharva Vivaah.

    7.Raakshsa Vivaah and

    8.Paisaacha Vvaah.

    Tamils also list Seven Types of Marriages.

    They are,

    1. மரபு வழி மணம்
    2. சேவை மணம்
    3. போர் நிகழ்த்தி மணம்
    4. துணங்கையாடி மணம்
    5. பரிசம் கொடுத்து மணம்
    6. ஏறு தழுவி மணம்
    7. மடலேறி மணம்

    1.Marapu Vazhi Manam, The Traditional Marriage

    In this the bridegroom’s parents visit the bride’s parents, seek the bride and on approval the marriage is performed.

    2.Sevai Manam.

    In this type of marriage, the man serves the bride’s father, pleases him and on his approval gets married.

    3.Por Nigazhthi Manam, Engaging in Warfare and getting married.

    The man who loves a girl goes to war, if any, returns victorious and the brides parents are obligated to marry their daughter to him,

    4.Thunangaiyaadi Manam, Winning in a type of Martial warfare and getting married.

    It is a game engaged both by men and women(Men Vs Men,Women Vs Women)) .

    This is also a part of Tamil Art.

    On an auspicious day the game will be played.

    Both the hands are made immobile and one should play by nudging with the Elbows and other pats of the body(Parts below the waist are not to be used.

    Some times wars may be fought on these days.

    Both men and women engage themselves in this game and if both the girl and the man win, individually they are allowed to get married.

    5.Parisam Koduthu Manmudiththal, Paying a an amount, like dowry, and getting married.

    The difference between the present custom of demanding money from the Bride was not in vogue.

    In Vedic times also the Dowry was to be paid by the Bridegroom and not by the bride.

    In Tamil Culture., the Parisam, Dowry, may be movable or immovable assets and the Brides parents determine this.

    6.Eru Thazhuvudahal,Fighting against a Bull , overpowering it and getting married.

    7.Madaleruthal.

    The man who is unable to get married his loved one, smears ashes over his body,wears flowers not used generally, like ‘Erukku’-Calotropis gigantea or Calotropis makes a Horse out of Palm  leaves , gets onto a horse and rides slowly through the city. crying aloud his Love’s name.

    This was regarded as the worst type of Marriage.

    This can was done only when the love was mutual, one-sided affairs do not lead to this.

    There was Polygamy, one man married many women.

    Polyandry, woman marrying many men,is not seen.

    Inter-caste marriages took place.

    Traditionally marrying from one landscape in another landscape was not allowed.

    One belonging to a particular landscape, say like Mountainous regions(Kurinji) marrying  one from  a different landscape like Mullai-Forest and the adjoining region.

    However exceptions were made.

    There were also case where men and women got married without parents’ approval.

    Illicit affairs were also known.

    These come under Kalavozhukkam, Tami literature deals separately on this subject.

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  • Wedding Other Function Invites Hindu Style.

    Weddingis one of the most revered and important Customs in India, especially among the Hindus.

    The procedures are elaborate, needs careful planning.

    A typical Hindu Brahmin Marriage consists of, aside from seeing the bride to be, Betrothal, it has

    Sumangali Prarthanai (read my post on this) when the departed Women who died leaving their Husbands behind are worshiped.

    This is followed by Samaradhanai (Dahdhiyaaradhanai), th offering of Puja to the Family Deity.

    Only after these are completed, Marriage ceremonies take place.

    One of the important duties is the Inviting people for the Marriage.

    Till about some years back, some twenty years,two different types of Invitations were printed now I think three,one formal/traditonal.one each by the Bride and by the Bridegroom.

    The traditional invitation is meant for close relatives,the other one with Modern type which will be distributed to others,either by the parents or by the Bride or Bridegroom.

    It was the practice to post the invitations to people who are staying elsewhere.

    This has to be followed by a personal letter(hand written) inviting people individually, to attend the Function.

    It was also the practice to reimburse their travel expenses incurred for attending the Function.

    For those who are located in the same city, the Invitation is not be posted.

    It has to be delivered by hand by the Parents in person with Kumkum, Akshata, Fruits and wherever required new clothes are to be handed over .

    This process is backed up by a Telephonic reminder a week before the marriage.

    To some, this entire process might seem funny.

    But there are /were Families which do/did not remain on speaking terms for years together on a single misstep in this procedure..

    Now how does one decide whom to call one while sending Invitations?

    Close relatives, like Uncles, Aunts, First Cousins,In Laws of Daughter or Son can not be avoided, whatever be the circumstances.

    For the others, and even to these essential people, if one wants to avoid them, there are always methods of inviting and at the same remain not inviting!

    Let me explain.

    I have a close friend of 43 years standing and I went personally with my wife to invite him.

    He came and graced the occasion.

    this friend of mine was introduced to me by his elder brother,

    Hindu Marriage.
    Hindu Marriage.

    Some how my friend and my friend remain very close and not his brother.

    So after the function was over my friend asked me why I had not invited his elder brother who introduced him tome.

    My reply was that , I send invitations to people whose name occur to me spontaneously with out elaborate scratching of the head;others, I said, were not worth remembering and hence no invites, thought there is no animosity.

    So there are three types of Inviting for a Function, I explained to him.

    The First , you follow the procedure I explained already. by visiting  personally and following up.

    The second is the trickiest, inviting them yet not inviting them.

    Call them couple of Days before the Function making sure that they would not get reservation for transport and at a time most inconvenient to them.

    They would not come.

    Well if some one comes despite this, Bad Luck.

    The third is not inviting them at all.

    Note: Beware people who say, I do not care for Formality, Do not bother”

    These are the people who care the most about proper procedure for inviting them for a Function.

    But me, I expect Formality and personal Invites.

    For Formality is the new name for Respect and Courtesy, let us be clear.

    PS. I am given the short shrift by others much the same way I do to others!

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  • Hindu Wedding Rituals Vratham Kankana Nandi Kasi Yatra Detail

    kankana Dharanam,Hindu Wedding ceremony.
    Kankan Dharana

    Please read my post on the components of the Hindu marriage.

    Link provided towards the end of the post.

    Kankana Dharanam.

    On the wedding day,after Vigneswara Puja, Vratham is performed.

    The wedding ceremonies start with the Vratham that is observed separately by the groom and the bride.

    The Vratha is a ceremony where a vow is taken to go through the marriage and is performed by  the Bridegroom

    The marriage ceremonies begin with the Vratham performed separately by the bride and the groom. For the bride, it means the tying of the KAPPU – the holy thread on her wrist which is meant to ward off all evil spirits. It symbolises a kind of the protective armour for the bride. For the groom, the various Gods – Indra, Soma, Chandra, Agni. From there on, the groom prepares himself for a new chapter in his life as a householder or Grihasta. The days of his bachelorhood or brahmacharya are now over and the acceptance of this is all what the Vratham is about.

    In this ceremony, a cotton thread (applied with Turmeric powder) is tied to the wrist of the Bride and groom, indicating the vow to get married and declaring that they would not be deterred from the wedding ceremony and it is removed a couple of days after the wedding.

    “the important ceremony called
    kankana \ For this purpose they obtain two pieces of
    saffron or turmeric, round which they tie a double thread.
    They place on a metal dish two handfuls of rice, and on
    this rice a cocoanut painted yellow, and on the cocoanut
    the two pieces of saffron. Prayers are offered to all the
    gods collectively, who are implored to come and place
    themselves on this kankana, and to remain there till the
    five days of the marriage ceremony have been accomplished.
    The bridegroom then takes one of the pieces of saffron and
    ties it on his wife’s left wrist, who in her turn ties the
    other piece on his right wrist. The rice and cocoanut on
    which the kankana has been lying are then given to the
    purohita.

    Then follows the procession of the tutelary deity. The
    mother of the bride, accompanied by the other women
    and the Brahmins who are present, go and fetch the copper
    vase which represents the ishta-devata. The women begin
    to sing and the musicians to play, and forming a procession
    they march to the end of the street, where, after choosing
    a clean spot, they pour out some of the water contained in
    the vase. They do puja to the deity while it rests on the
    ground, and then it is taken back with the same pomp to
    the place whence it came. Then follows the most important

    1 The ceremony is actually called kankana-dharana, that is, the tying
    or wearing of the kankana.

    Nandi.

    This is performed to propitiate the Ancestors nd the Nadi Devatas.

    After the completion of Ganesh Puja on the wedding day, several other Gods are worshipped. These Gods are known as Nandi Devatas.

    Who are Nandi Devatas?

    The Nandi Devatas are the holy Pitris, who live in the lokas of Bhuvash and Suvah. They are the builders of the subtle bodies, Sukshmadeha, around which physical atoms aggregate to produce the physical body. As the objects of marriage are the maintenance of the Grihastha Dharma and the begetting of progeny with spiritual, not carnal tendencies, the co-operation of the PitriDevatas is essential.

    To propitiate the Nandi Devatas, a leaf-laden branch of the pipal tree is set up. Five Sumangalis (married women) would then wash the installed branch with milk. The ritual is followed by gifting clothes to the bride and the groom. Generally, the bride is presented a saree while a traditional dhoti is gifted to the groom as part of the auspiciousness.

    Nandi Srardham, Part of Hindu Wedding ceremony.
    Nandi Srardham

     

    These PitriDevatas are not beings to be trifled with, and they are beings who generally avoid the physical plane of the Universe, the Bhurloka, and they should be sent away from the physical world as soon as the business for which they are invited is over. Nor are they to be invited frequently.

    In an ideal Nandi Srardha, 12 Brahmins are invited, Dhotis and Angavastras are ditributed, their feet washed amidst the chsning of the Srardha Mantras.

    Kasi Yatra.

    In Hinduism a Man has Four Stations in Life,

    Brahmacharya, the Ceibate,

    The Grihastha, The Married,

    The Vanaprastha, the detachment state, and

    The Sanyasin, The Renounced State.

    Boys aged 5 are anointed with Upanayana(read my post on this ceremony) and sent to a Guru for the Adhyayana or the repeated learning of the Vedas.

    When they reach the age of 13 they are married.

    Now the  marriageable age has changed.

    When the boy comes of age for Marriage,after the Vratham, Kankana Dharanam and Nandi, the Boy goes to Kasi(Benares, Varanasi ,the Holy City of The Hindus, to meditate on the Brahman, The Reality.(Symbolically)

    The bride’s father intervenes and requests the Bridegroom not to undertake the trip,become a Grihastha as Grihathaasrama is the fundamental Stage of Dharma or the Path of Righteousness, and offers his daughter in Marriage , promising that she will be his soul mate in performing the Vediac rituals that would guarantee spiritual enlightenment.

    This is Kasi Yatra.

    kasi Yatra, Hindu wedding ceremony.
    Kasi Yatra

    Now comes the muhurta, that is to say, the most essential
    ceremony of the marriage. To begin with, a sacrifice is
    offered to Vigneshwara. The bride and bridegroom are
    seated on the earthen dais, their faces towards the east,
    and the married women proceed, singing the while, with
    the young people’s toilette, which is of the most elegant
    and sumptuous description. When attired the bridegroom
    rises, performs the sam-kalpa, prays to the gods to pardon
    all the sins he has committed since he received the triple
    cord ; and, to be the more sure of this pardon, he recites
    a mantram, and gives fifteen fanams to a Brahmin as alms.
    He then dresses himself up as a pilgrim, and makes all
    preparations as if he were really going to take a long
    journey, announcing that he is going to start on a holy

    222 THE KAXKAXA CEREMONY

    pilgrimage to Kasi, that is Benares. He leaves the house
    accompanied by the married women singing in chorus, and
    by his parents and friends, and preceded by instruments of
    music. After passing the outskirts of the village he turns
    his steps to the east.

    But here his future father-in-law meets him, and asks
    him where he is going, and on learning the object of his
    journey, begs him to give it up. He tells him that he has
    a young virgin daughter, and that if he wishes it he will
    give her to him in wedlock. The pilgrim accepts the pro-
    posal with joy, and returns with his escort to the place
    whence he set out. On his return the women perform the
    ceremony of the aratti.

    Source:

    http://www.ebooksread.com/authors-eng/j-a-jean-antoine-dubois/hindu-manners-customs-and-ceremonies-obu/page-24-hindu-manners-customs-and-ceremonies-obu.shtml

    http://www.sanathanadharma.com/wedding.htm

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    http://ramanisblog.in/2012/07/17/an-introduction-to-samskarashindu-rites/

  • South Indian Hindu Wedding Rituals Detailed List

    Wedding is one of the important Samskaras in a Hindu’s Life, as ordained by the Smriti(Guidelines for Day to-day Living).

    Kolam For Marriage.
    Kolam or Rangoli for Hindu Wedding

    Forty Samskaras are listed(please read my posts filed under Hinduism)

    Pandhalkal Ceremony
    Pandhalkal, Hindu Wedding ceremony.

    The Wedding ceremonies are elaborate.

    Typical Marriage arrangements consist of these parts.

    1.Finding a Boy or a Girl.

    2.Matching of the Horoscopes.

    3.Visiting the Girl’s House by the Groom with his close relatives to know more of the Girl and the Family.

    4.Nischyathaatham of the exchange of MOU between the parents of the Groom and Bride( If Grandparents are alive they will perform this-(Paternal Grandparents). At this function only close relatives are invited;The Religious aspect is very minimal and this is more of a Social Occasion, when Date , Time and Venue of the Wedding is announced.

    5. Sumangali Prarthanai, when those women who died ,remaining Married, are propitiated.This is normally performed about a couple of days  before the Marriage.

    6.Samaaradhanai or Dadhyaaradhanai is performed normally after the Sumangali Prarathanai to the family Deity.

    7.Pandakkal Naduthal

    8.Inviting the Bridegroom is done a day before the Wedding.

    9.Wedding Ceremony.

    Read my Post on the procedures for the  Wedding ( A post on Sumangali Prarthanai has been shared already)

    On the evening prior to the wedding day, the bridegroom is  brought in a procession from a temple in a flower decorated car.

    An Archana is performed at the Temple.

    He is escorted by the bride’s parents, and welcomed at the marriage  Hall (mandap), which is the bride’s abode.

    Nadaswaram band leads the way along the streets, the flower decorated car jam-packed with children.

    This is  function is called JANA VASAM in South India and BARAAT in North India.

    Through such a parade, public approval is sought of the groom, chosen by the family..

    If the Boy or Girl has had any liaisons before the Wedding , the Public may inform the families.

    After reaching the marriage hall, there is a formal ceremony of betrothal.

    At the Marriage Hall

    • Full-grown plantain trees tied to both the gateposts – Eternal tree of evergreen plenty for endless generations!
    • Festoons overhead of mango leaves, and screw-pine petals that never fade!
    • Notes of the Nadaswaram, the South Indian Shehnai!
    • Kolam or Rangoli designs at the doorsteps – an artistic welcome!
    • At threshold of the hall, sprinklings of rosewater, offerings of flower, sandal batter, sugar candy!

    A ceremony called Pandhalkal Naduthal’ is performed some days before the Wedding, after Samaradhanai .

    Now onto the Wedding day.

    http://ramanisblog.in/2012/07/17/an-introduction-to-samskarashindu-rites/