Brahmins have been a closely knit community.
There are other communities which are more closely knit than the Brahmins, say, the Nattukkottai Nagarathar Community.
As I am a Brahmin by birth, a proud one for being so,I deem it fit to record some unpleasant facts, especially regarding marriages, in our Community.
Some of my observations are likely to hurt but some one has to say them.
I am aware that I will be criticized very severely, for no body is a biter critic of a Brahmin than a fellow Brahmin, much in the same way as the Jews,
I searched for an alliance for my son for over three and half years before I got him married.
I had utilized all avenues from the traditional circulation of Horoscopes to registering in Matrimonial Sites,
There is a tendency among most of the parents, whose daughter’s are employed, and more so if they have only one daughter:
That of postponing the marriage of their daughters as long as possible.
The reasons they cite are,,
The girl does not want to marry now,
She needs to be independent for some time, earning well to enable her to stand on her feet,
The arguments are fallacious.
No Girl or Boy will come to their parents and declare that they want to marry and ask them to look for a suitable spouse.
They would be coy in admitting the fact that it is time for them to get married.
I am excluding those children who come and declare that they are in love with some one(normally with one from another caste: even this I attribute to the fact of parents delaying the marriage on one pretext or another.
As parents it is our responsibility to advise them the advantages of getting married at an early age, the reasons being,
a ) If you are looking for the Best looking woman or Man, remember that the opposite side also does the same and each has the privilege of rejecting.
b) You do not get any younger and it would be tougher to get a match as time marches on.
And taking children’s views of not wanting to get married has few serious consequences for parents as well.
I know of a couple of cases, where the parents have stopped looking for alliances because their children said so.
These parents, they are my close friends,took their children’s views seriously and stopped looking for a match.
Now the boys are past 35.
They have stopped speaking with their parents thought they stay in the same house and are alright in all other respects.
As i can closely mingle with the younger set as a friend, this is with my own children as well, I understood from them that they are cross that their parents have not finalised their marriages!
They are sore that their parents have taken their views seriously!
Now I am looking for alliances for them along with their parents.
Lesson- go about alliances notwithstanding your children’s objections and record them.
If they refuse, show them the records , that would keep them on their toes.
Another repulsive habit of parents of brides insisting that thee Bride groom must be in the city were the girls’ parents live!
The girls might agree to it for the time being , would regret later when they find they remain unmarried for long.
Children have their lives to led, be it a Boy or Girl.
Another obnoxious habit is that some parents are reluctant to get their daughters married because they will lose their daughter’s salary!
This is a fact and I have , in two instances told the parents of the Girls if they want only money they should not have begotten children!
I may point out a curious fact.
Please check Tamil matrimony marriage site, find out how many girls’ profile have been uploaded by the Girls themselves/their friends as against the profiles uploaded by Parents.
You will find personal/friends uploads will be in the age group of over 27.
The reason is parents keep on refusing Alliances on some spurious ground or another and at the age of 27 or 28 the girl starts taking her life into their hands.
Avoid this and remember delaying the marriage of a Girl is a very serious Sin , Kanya Paapam that would affect your family for generations, not with standing Sumangali Prarthnais.
Another issue is refusing sub sect marriages.
Sub-sects are based on Geographical locations where the ancestors have lived, like Mythili Brahmins hailed from Mithila, Vadamas in Tamil Nadu were from the North of the River Cauvery.
Some times Brahmin sub-sects are derived from the duties they were adept at. Adigas in Cooking, Vaathimaas in Purohitam,Vajpayees,Somayajees in performing a particular. yaga or yagnya
Among Brahmins there is no division of States or Languages either.
We follow the Vedas, period.No differences.
Let me narrate an incident when I visited Sringeri and had performed Biksha Vandana for His Holiness Sri Bharathi Theertha Swamigal of The Sringeri Mutt.
As me and my wife neared the Acharya, the man who normally stands by his side asked me,
‘neevu kannadadhvara, Are you from Karnataka?’
I replied,
‘I am Brahmin’
The Acharya heard this and asked me to explain .
I said,
‘ I am a Brahmin by birth, not by Knowledge, but still a Brahmin for my ancestors have been good Brahmins .
My Mother tongue is Tamil,
As a Brahmin my father tongue is Sanskrit.
Therefore, it does not matter for a Brahmin which State he belongs to because He is a Brahmin”
The Acharya called the man and said,
‘Yajnayopaveeda aaki barubavarathra eethara kelu beda,
Do not these questions of those who come here with Yagnyopaveeda”(Sacred Thread)
That’s it.
Do not look for same sects, State, Language.
A Brahmin will do.
I observe that people conduct reception before the wedding day.
This is wrong.
If some one of the pair dies after Reception before marriage, what is the status of either of them?
The habit of clapping of hands after Mangalya Dharana, it is prohibited.
The habit of shaking hands with the couple after Mangalya Dharana before Aseervatha is a Taboo.
In Hinduism . the ‘Handing Over’ Panigrahana is Sacred and the hands of the couple are not to be touched by others till Aseervatha.
Some more thoughts might follow.
Related articles
- Kannada Brahmin Surnames Who Is Smartha (ramanan50.wordpress.com)
- Wedding Other Function Invites Hindu Style. (ramanan50.wordpress.com)
- Christians As Brahmins New Method Of Religious Coversion (ramanan50.wordpress.com)
A girl who had shared her experiences about her alliance rejection only because her star was Ayilyam is very ridiculous and senseless. If this girl is willing, I am ready to marry her and live a very happy contented life with her.
A person who has no sangeetha gnanam or could sing cant claim that music is waste. When we are unfit and dont have the capacity to understand the intricacies of our scientific aacharam and anushtanams how can you blady comment it has no sense. You dont have the sense to understand or research in depth.
Women are not born to marry, cook, do household jobs and reproduce children. They have a long way to go ahead. Likewise, are they born to just study, go to employment, earn, eat, acquire assets and so?
Again this idiot senselss is beating the bush and never has the brain to understand what is happening. No one is saying that girls should marry just for reproducing children. This sentence itself shows the arrogance. Dont other community girls holding a very high position in profession marry and follow thier culture. How many muslim women wear their tradtional padudha. Brahmin girls think about our tradition dress and culture so cheap and low. That is the problem. Women are respected very much in Hinduism and brahmin community and Sanatana dharma. Girls dont understand or even know about that and spoil their respect. Education and job is to acquire the necessities of life but girls are only focussed on earning money but dont know to enjoy their life. They neither follow the western culture nor the Indian tradition in every aspect like dressing, food habits, hygiene, cleanliness etc. Education and money has inculcated only arrogance and lethargicness in their mind and assassinated the moral values of life. They dont even have the basic class and decency to dress properly even on auspicious occasions and whwn visiting temples and holy places. There is no feminism in them. One brahmin slut girl has commented Brahmin guys are not fit for love marriage and they are bald headed and lack personality bla bla bla. How filthy and low breed she is? She had indirectly accepted the truth. It shows Brahmin girls dont like guys who are clean, dignified and well behaved and like only other community religion guys who eat non vegetarian and consume alcohol etc. Why cant these brahmin girls who are not willing to accept or understand the greatness of their own culture blady get converted to some other religion? Brahmin girls dont prefer even equality. They expect their spouse to be like a slave and listen dance to what all they order. Is this called freedom, individuality, and the education and corporate culture that had taught and influenced them? How rubbish and ridiculous? If a girl thinks for a moment about her own minority community and how it is diluted she would definitely start working towards the upliftment and progress of it. Brahmin girls might be educated but not qualified. The education system and their brought up has ruined the basic values of normal humanhood.
Brahmin girls have become very arrogant, sex reluctant or characterless without any healthy habits and thinking. They dont have a clear thinking or understand what is life, relationship. moral values, and real happiness and family. They mix up everything together and loose their lives as well as others peace of mind. They dont have the maturity to bridge life and career. Brahmin girls mothers are most responsible for this and dont inculcate proper thoughts and habits in thir mind. It is because of brahmin girls the whole brahmin community is loosing its values.
you don’t blaim the Brahmin girls
100% I agree with you Mr. Satish. I am practically experiencing your views as we are on the look out for a life partner for my son who is 32 years now. Since 4 years we are searching till date no result. Each and every word narrated by you is absolute truth. One more reason by these Brahmin girls to add to your points, they want the boy to lead a separate family even though he is the only son and have his own house and other facilities. By staying separately only the boy could prove his responsibility towards the new family. Is it logic? Though we liked the girl and all other aspects were fine the last reason pronounced by the girl herself was really shocking. Nowadays the value of joint family and adjustment with elders are totally lost.