Ramanisblog

Tag: Hindu wedding

  • Time For Brahmins To Change At Least in Marriages

    Brahmin Wedding
    Brahmin Wedding

    Brahmins have been a closely knit community.

    There are other communities which are more closely knit than the Brahmins, say, the Nattukkottai Nagarathar Community.

    As I am a Brahmin by birth, a proud one for being so,I deem it fit to record some unpleasant facts, especially  regarding marriages, in our Community.

    Some of my observations are likely to hurt but some one has to say them.

    I am aware that I will be criticized very severely, for no body is a biter critic of a Brahmin than a fellow Brahmin, much in the same way as the Jews,

    Marriages,

    I searched for an alliance for my son for over three and half years before I got him married.

    I had utilized all avenues from the traditional circulation of Horoscopes to registering in Matrimonial Sites,

    There is a tendency among most of the parents, whose daughter’s are employed, and more so if they have only one daughter:

    That of postponing the marriage of their daughters as long as possible.

    The reasons they cite are,,

    The girl does not want to marry now,

    She needs to be independent for some time, earning well to enable her to stand on her feet,

    The arguments are fallacious.

    No Girl or Boy will come to their parents and declare that they want to marry and ask them to look for a suitable spouse.

    They would be coy in admitting the fact that it is time for them to get married.

    I am excluding those children who come and declare that they are in love with some one(normally with one from another caste: even this I attribute to the fact of parents delaying the marriage on one pretext or another.

    As parents it is our responsibility to advise them the advantages of getting married at an early age, the reasons being,

    a ) If you are looking for the Best looking woman or Man, remember that the opposite side also does the same and each has the privilege of rejecting.

    b) You do not get any younger and it would be tougher to get a match as time marches on.

    And taking  children’s views of not wanting to get married has few serious consequences for parents as well.

    I know of a couple of cases, where the parents have stopped looking for alliances because  their children said so.

    These parents, they are my close friends,took their children’s views seriously and stopped looking for a match.

    Now the boys are past 35.
    They have stopped speaking with their parents thought they stay in the same house and are alright in all other respects.

    As i can closely mingle with the younger set as a friend, this is with my own children as well, I understood from them that they are cross that their parents have not finalised their marriages!

    They are sore that their parents have taken their views seriously!

    Now I am looking for alliances for them along with their parents.

    Lesson- go about alliances notwithstanding your children’s objections and record them.

    If they refuse, show them the records , that would keep them on their toes.

    Another repulsive habit of parents of brides insisting that thee Bride groom must be in the city were the girls’ parents live!

    The girls might agree to it for the time being , would regret later when they find they remain unmarried for  long.

    Children have their lives to led, be it a Boy or Girl.

    Another obnoxious habit is that some parents are reluctant to get their daughters married because they will lose their daughter’s salary!

    This is a fact and I have , in two instances told the parents of the Girls if they want only money they should not have begotten children!

    I may point out a curious fact.

    Please check Tamil matrimony marriage site, find out how many girls’ profile have been uploaded by the Girls themselves/their friends as against the profiles uploaded by Parents.

    You will find personal/friends uploads will be in the age group of over 27.

    The reason is parents keep on refusing Alliances on some spurious ground or another and at the age of 27 or 28 the girl starts taking her life into their hands.

    Avoid this and remember delaying the marriage of a Girl is a very serious Sin , Kanya Paapam that would affect your family for generations, not with standing Sumangali Prarthnais.

    Another issue is refusing sub sect marriages.

    Sub-sects are based on Geographical locations where the ancestors have lived, like Mythili Brahmins hailed from Mithila, Vadamas in Tamil Nadu were from the North of the River Cauvery.

    Some times Brahmin sub-sects are derived from the duties they were adept at. Adigas in Cooking, Vaathimaas in Purohitam,Vajpayees,Somayajees in performing a particular. yaga or yagnya

    Among Brahmins there is no division of States or Languages either.

    We follow the Vedas, period.No differences.

    Let me narrate an incident when I visited Sringeri  and had performed Biksha Vandana for His Holiness Sri Bharathi Theertha Swamigal of The Sringeri Mutt.

    As me and my wife neared the Acharya, the man who normally stands by his side asked me,

    ‘neevu kannadadhvara, Are you from Karnataka?’

    I replied,

    ‘I am  Brahmin’

    The Acharya heard this and asked  me to explain .

    I said,

    ‘ I am a Brahmin by birth, not by Knowledge, but still a Brahmin for my ancestors have been good Brahmins .

    My Mother tongue is Tamil,

    As a Brahmin my father tongue is Sanskrit.

    Therefore, it does not matter for a Brahmin which State he belongs to because He is a Brahmin”

    The Acharya called the man and said,

    ‘Yajnayopaveeda aaki barubavarathra eethara kelu beda,

    Do not these questions of those who come here with Yagnyopaveeda”(Sacred Thread)

    That’s it.

    Do not look for same sects, State, Language.

    A Brahmin will do.

    I observe that people conduct reception before the wedding day.

    This is wrong.

    If some one of the pair dies after Reception before marriage, what is the status of either of them?

    The habit of clapping of hands after Mangalya Dharana, it is prohibited.

    The habit of shaking hands with the couple after Mangalya Dharana  before Aseervatha is a Taboo.

    In Hinduism . the ‘Handing Over’ Panigrahana is Sacred and the hands of the couple are not to be touched by others till Aseervatha.

    Some more thoughts might follow.

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  • Wedding Other Function Invites Hindu Style.

    Weddingis one of the most revered and important Customs in India, especially among the Hindus.

    The procedures are elaborate, needs careful planning.

    A typical Hindu Brahmin Marriage consists of, aside from seeing the bride to be, Betrothal, it has

    Sumangali Prarthanai (read my post on this) when the departed Women who died leaving their Husbands behind are worshiped.

    This is followed by Samaradhanai (Dahdhiyaaradhanai), th offering of Puja to the Family Deity.

    Only after these are completed, Marriage ceremonies take place.

    One of the important duties is the Inviting people for the Marriage.

    Till about some years back, some twenty years,two different types of Invitations were printed now I think three,one formal/traditonal.one each by the Bride and by the Bridegroom.

    The traditional invitation is meant for close relatives,the other one with Modern type which will be distributed to others,either by the parents or by the Bride or Bridegroom.

    It was the practice to post the invitations to people who are staying elsewhere.

    This has to be followed by a personal letter(hand written) inviting people individually, to attend the Function.

    It was also the practice to reimburse their travel expenses incurred for attending the Function.

    For those who are located in the same city, the Invitation is not be posted.

    It has to be delivered by hand by the Parents in person with Kumkum, Akshata, Fruits and wherever required new clothes are to be handed over .

    This process is backed up by a Telephonic reminder a week before the marriage.

    To some, this entire process might seem funny.

    But there are /were Families which do/did not remain on speaking terms for years together on a single misstep in this procedure..

    Now how does one decide whom to call one while sending Invitations?

    Close relatives, like Uncles, Aunts, First Cousins,In Laws of Daughter or Son can not be avoided, whatever be the circumstances.

    For the others, and even to these essential people, if one wants to avoid them, there are always methods of inviting and at the same remain not inviting!

    Let me explain.

    I have a close friend of 43 years standing and I went personally with my wife to invite him.

    He came and graced the occasion.

    this friend of mine was introduced to me by his elder brother,

    Hindu Marriage.
    Hindu Marriage.

    Some how my friend and my friend remain very close and not his brother.

    So after the function was over my friend asked me why I had not invited his elder brother who introduced him tome.

    My reply was that , I send invitations to people whose name occur to me spontaneously with out elaborate scratching of the head;others, I said, were not worth remembering and hence no invites, thought there is no animosity.

    So there are three types of Inviting for a Function, I explained to him.

    The First , you follow the procedure I explained already. by visiting  personally and following up.

    The second is the trickiest, inviting them yet not inviting them.

    Call them couple of Days before the Function making sure that they would not get reservation for transport and at a time most inconvenient to them.

    They would not come.

    Well if some one comes despite this, Bad Luck.

    The third is not inviting them at all.

    Note: Beware people who say, I do not care for Formality, Do not bother”

    These are the people who care the most about proper procedure for inviting them for a Function.

    But me, I expect Formality and personal Invites.

    For Formality is the new name for Respect and Courtesy, let us be clear.

    PS. I am given the short shrift by others much the same way I do to others!

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  • Hindu Wedding Rituals Vratham Kankana Nandi Kasi Yatra Detail

    kankana Dharanam,Hindu Wedding ceremony.
    Kankan Dharana

    Please read my post on the components of the Hindu marriage.

    Link provided towards the end of the post.

    Kankana Dharanam.

    On the wedding day,after Vigneswara Puja, Vratham is performed.

    The wedding ceremonies start with the Vratham that is observed separately by the groom and the bride.

    The Vratha is a ceremony where a vow is taken to go through the marriage and is performed by  the Bridegroom

    The marriage ceremonies begin with the Vratham performed separately by the bride and the groom. For the bride, it means the tying of the KAPPU – the holy thread on her wrist which is meant to ward off all evil spirits. It symbolises a kind of the protective armour for the bride. For the groom, the various Gods – Indra, Soma, Chandra, Agni. From there on, the groom prepares himself for a new chapter in his life as a householder or Grihasta. The days of his bachelorhood or brahmacharya are now over and the acceptance of this is all what the Vratham is about.

    In this ceremony, a cotton thread (applied with Turmeric powder) is tied to the wrist of the Bride and groom, indicating the vow to get married and declaring that they would not be deterred from the wedding ceremony and it is removed a couple of days after the wedding.

    “the important ceremony called
    kankana \ For this purpose they obtain two pieces of
    saffron or turmeric, round which they tie a double thread.
    They place on a metal dish two handfuls of rice, and on
    this rice a cocoanut painted yellow, and on the cocoanut
    the two pieces of saffron. Prayers are offered to all the
    gods collectively, who are implored to come and place
    themselves on this kankana, and to remain there till the
    five days of the marriage ceremony have been accomplished.
    The bridegroom then takes one of the pieces of saffron and
    ties it on his wife’s left wrist, who in her turn ties the
    other piece on his right wrist. The rice and cocoanut on
    which the kankana has been lying are then given to the
    purohita.

    Then follows the procession of the tutelary deity. The
    mother of the bride, accompanied by the other women
    and the Brahmins who are present, go and fetch the copper
    vase which represents the ishta-devata. The women begin
    to sing and the musicians to play, and forming a procession
    they march to the end of the street, where, after choosing
    a clean spot, they pour out some of the water contained in
    the vase. They do puja to the deity while it rests on the
    ground, and then it is taken back with the same pomp to
    the place whence it came. Then follows the most important

    1 The ceremony is actually called kankana-dharana, that is, the tying
    or wearing of the kankana.

    Nandi.

    This is performed to propitiate the Ancestors nd the Nadi Devatas.

    After the completion of Ganesh Puja on the wedding day, several other Gods are worshipped. These Gods are known as Nandi Devatas.

    Who are Nandi Devatas?

    The Nandi Devatas are the holy Pitris, who live in the lokas of Bhuvash and Suvah. They are the builders of the subtle bodies, Sukshmadeha, around which physical atoms aggregate to produce the physical body. As the objects of marriage are the maintenance of the Grihastha Dharma and the begetting of progeny with spiritual, not carnal tendencies, the co-operation of the PitriDevatas is essential.

    To propitiate the Nandi Devatas, a leaf-laden branch of the pipal tree is set up. Five Sumangalis (married women) would then wash the installed branch with milk. The ritual is followed by gifting clothes to the bride and the groom. Generally, the bride is presented a saree while a traditional dhoti is gifted to the groom as part of the auspiciousness.

    Nandi Srardham, Part of Hindu Wedding ceremony.
    Nandi Srardham

     

    These PitriDevatas are not beings to be trifled with, and they are beings who generally avoid the physical plane of the Universe, the Bhurloka, and they should be sent away from the physical world as soon as the business for which they are invited is over. Nor are they to be invited frequently.

    In an ideal Nandi Srardha, 12 Brahmins are invited, Dhotis and Angavastras are ditributed, their feet washed amidst the chsning of the Srardha Mantras.

    Kasi Yatra.

    In Hinduism a Man has Four Stations in Life,

    Brahmacharya, the Ceibate,

    The Grihastha, The Married,

    The Vanaprastha, the detachment state, and

    The Sanyasin, The Renounced State.

    Boys aged 5 are anointed with Upanayana(read my post on this ceremony) and sent to a Guru for the Adhyayana or the repeated learning of the Vedas.

    When they reach the age of 13 they are married.

    Now the  marriageable age has changed.

    When the boy comes of age for Marriage,after the Vratham, Kankana Dharanam and Nandi, the Boy goes to Kasi(Benares, Varanasi ,the Holy City of The Hindus, to meditate on the Brahman, The Reality.(Symbolically)

    The bride’s father intervenes and requests the Bridegroom not to undertake the trip,become a Grihastha as Grihathaasrama is the fundamental Stage of Dharma or the Path of Righteousness, and offers his daughter in Marriage , promising that she will be his soul mate in performing the Vediac rituals that would guarantee spiritual enlightenment.

    This is Kasi Yatra.

    kasi Yatra, Hindu wedding ceremony.
    Kasi Yatra

    Now comes the muhurta, that is to say, the most essential
    ceremony of the marriage. To begin with, a sacrifice is
    offered to Vigneshwara. The bride and bridegroom are
    seated on the earthen dais, their faces towards the east,
    and the married women proceed, singing the while, with
    the young people’s toilette, which is of the most elegant
    and sumptuous description. When attired the bridegroom
    rises, performs the sam-kalpa, prays to the gods to pardon
    all the sins he has committed since he received the triple
    cord ; and, to be the more sure of this pardon, he recites
    a mantram, and gives fifteen fanams to a Brahmin as alms.
    He then dresses himself up as a pilgrim, and makes all
    preparations as if he were really going to take a long
    journey, announcing that he is going to start on a holy

    222 THE KAXKAXA CEREMONY

    pilgrimage to Kasi, that is Benares. He leaves the house
    accompanied by the married women singing in chorus, and
    by his parents and friends, and preceded by instruments of
    music. After passing the outskirts of the village he turns
    his steps to the east.

    But here his future father-in-law meets him, and asks
    him where he is going, and on learning the object of his
    journey, begs him to give it up. He tells him that he has
    a young virgin daughter, and that if he wishes it he will
    give her to him in wedlock. The pilgrim accepts the pro-
    posal with joy, and returns with his escort to the place
    whence he set out. On his return the women perform the
    ceremony of the aratti.

    Source:

    http://www.ebooksread.com/authors-eng/j-a-jean-antoine-dubois/hindu-manners-customs-and-ceremonies-obu/page-24-hindu-manners-customs-and-ceremonies-obu.shtml

    http://www.sanathanadharma.com/wedding.htm

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    http://ramanisblog.in/2012/07/17/an-introduction-to-samskarashindu-rites/